over me, I guess to make sure I don’t screw anything up. But if you are, looking after me, thank you.”
I place my palms over their spots. “I’m really trying here. I know the school looks at me and sees the delinquent, no-nonsense student who is stuck raising two burgeoning teenage boys. They must be so afraid I’ll turn them into me.” I laugh, trying to conceal my pain from them even though they probably see right through me.
“But I do care about their education and I’m trying not to let you down, Mama. I just don’t think I have it in me,” I say, wiping my tears and leaning back against the grass. I stare up at the sparkling blue sky.
As I lay here thinking of them both, the clouds decide to merge together—a melding of bodies and shapes. A cloud shaped like a seahorse is inching its way closer to a smaller looking flower. It swallows it whole. I know how you feel flower cloud. I turn my head to concentrate on the crisp blades of grass. Wouldn’t life be simpler being the morning dew on a blade of grass?
Remembering I still have to greet Charlie at home, biting my lip, I stand back up and shake the dirt off my dress. Comforted that I finally saw them, even for a brief moment, I drive home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Charlie is already there waiting for me on the stoop when I drive up. He’s wearing a nice gray and blue suit, so he must have come from the office. I’m happy he’s here but at the same time I feel so guilty. There are bags under his eyes that weren’t there a few weeks ago. I know he’s here because he’s just looking out for us, but the drive looks like it’s taking its toll.
I stop in front of him, taking in his languish appearance. “You look like crap,” I finally say, sitting down next to him.
He covers his heart. “Ooh the anguish,” he smirks. And I can see the light in his eyes flicker briefly before they wash over with exhaustion again.
“You look tired.” I rest my hand on his knee.
He places his hand over mine and squeezes my hand, “I’ve been putting in longer hours,” he says, pulling away from me. He shifts to look at me, “So what’s the good news?”
I try not overanalyzing why he pulled away and look up at him, “Alright, brace yourself,” I say proudly. “I got a job!” I finish with a big smile. My face isn’t used to smiling as of late, so I can feel the push and pull of my muscles fighting to be used again.
“Wow. That is good news!” He bumps my shoulder, “I knew you were going to get one sooner or later.”
“Well I’m glad it happened sooner rather than later because I’m running low on savings.”
“I feel like good fortune is headed your way sooner than you think.” He smiles, dimples showing. And I see him again, the person who doesn’t shirk away from my touch.
“I hope so,” I say, getting up. “So what are we still doing out here?” I open the front door and throw my purse on the side table. “What happened to your key?”
“I forgot it at…uh…you know, I don’t remember where I left it,” he stammers, setting his suitcase down by the door. He’s never forgotten his key. I turn around, eyeing him suspiciously, but he shrugs it off. “So what have I missed?” he asks, changing the subject.
He thinks I don’t know he’s hiding something—little sneaky sneak. Fine. I’ll go along with it and ask Nessa later. “My cooking is off the chain now.” I throw my keys into the bowl.
“Ha. Right. Now tell me what’s really happened this week?” he takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat rack.
“Seriously,” I insist, pulling him to the kitchen. “Look,” I
I place my palms over their spots. “I’m really trying here. I know the school looks at me and sees the delinquent, no-nonsense student who is stuck raising two burgeoning teenage boys. They must be so afraid I’ll turn them into me.” I laugh, trying to conceal my pain from them even though they probably see right through me.
“But I do care about their education and I’m trying not to let you down, Mama. I just don’t think I have it in me,” I say, wiping my tears and leaning back against the grass. I stare up at the sparkling blue sky.
As I lay here thinking of them both, the clouds decide to merge together—a melding of bodies and shapes. A cloud shaped like a seahorse is inching its way closer to a smaller looking flower. It swallows it whole. I know how you feel flower cloud. I turn my head to concentrate on the crisp blades of grass. Wouldn’t life be simpler being the morning dew on a blade of grass?
Remembering I still have to greet Charlie at home, biting my lip, I stand back up and shake the dirt off my dress. Comforted that I finally saw them, even for a brief moment, I drive home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Charlie is already there waiting for me on the stoop when I drive up. He’s wearing a nice gray and blue suit, so he must have come from the office. I’m happy he’s here but at the same time I feel so guilty. There are bags under his eyes that weren’t there a few weeks ago. I know he’s here because he’s just looking out for us, but the drive looks like it’s taking its toll.
I stop in front of him, taking in his languish appearance. “You look like crap,” I finally say, sitting down next to him.
He covers his heart. “Ooh the anguish,” he smirks. And I can see the light in his eyes flicker briefly before they wash over with exhaustion again.
“You look tired.” I rest my hand on his knee.
He places his hand over mine and squeezes my hand, “I’ve been putting in longer hours,” he says, pulling away from me. He shifts to look at me, “So what’s the good news?”
I try not overanalyzing why he pulled away and look up at him, “Alright, brace yourself,” I say proudly. “I got a job!” I finish with a big smile. My face isn’t used to smiling as of late, so I can feel the push and pull of my muscles fighting to be used again.
“Wow. That is good news!” He bumps my shoulder, “I knew you were going to get one sooner or later.”
“Well I’m glad it happened sooner rather than later because I’m running low on savings.”
“I feel like good fortune is headed your way sooner than you think.” He smiles, dimples showing. And I see him again, the person who doesn’t shirk away from my touch.
“I hope so,” I say, getting up. “So what are we still doing out here?” I open the front door and throw my purse on the side table. “What happened to your key?”
“I forgot it at…uh…you know, I don’t remember where I left it,” he stammers, setting his suitcase down by the door. He’s never forgotten his key. I turn around, eyeing him suspiciously, but he shrugs it off. “So what have I missed?” he asks, changing the subject.
He thinks I don’t know he’s hiding something—little sneaky sneak. Fine. I’ll go along with it and ask Nessa later. “My cooking is off the chain now.” I throw my keys into the bowl.
“Ha. Right. Now tell me what’s really happened this week?” he takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat rack.
“Seriously,” I insist, pulling him to the kitchen. “Look,” I
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