A Deeper Love Inside

A Deeper Love Inside by Sister Souljah Page A

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Authors: Sister Souljah
Tags: Fiction, Literary, General, African American
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but it sounded even worser when Lina said it all out loud.
    “To make it in here you gotta start off by choosing the right family. The family with the right connections,” she said.
    “Like how Riot chose you?” I asked her.
    “That’s not how it happened,” she said, still calm and cool. “But it’s true, with our clique, girls have to be chosen by either me or Riot. It’s the only way to get up with us.”
    “JinJah number 9 can’t choose nobody? And numbers three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten, after they in the Diamond Needles, they can’t bring nobody in who they choose?”
    “No. Nunca ,” Lina said.
    “Nunca?” I repeated.
    “Never,” Lina translated.
    I sat thinking for some seconds. I knew now that Lina didn’t choose me. I wondered if that meant she didn’t approve? Maybe she disagreed with Riot’s choice.
    “What if Riot wants someone in, and you don’t?” I asked.
    “Confianza,” Lina said. “Between me and Riot, there is trust. We don’t argue. We trust each other’s choices. We know that if either of us chooses the wrong person, both of us will suffer, then fail. Riot and me always say, ‘If you tell on me, you tell on yourself.’ So we don’t worry. Everyone we deal with has something to lose, something to gain, and something to protect. Riot wouldn’t have chosen you if you didn’t have something to lose, something to gain, and something to protect.”
    Lina’s lesson went on like that. It was more heavy than beingin math, science, or English class. I found myself doing way more thinking. Lina placed her words carefully. It seemed like every other sentence from her was laced with a threat and a challenge.
    Lina told me, “There are 528 inmates locked down here as of today. In one second that number could increase or decrease. There are twenty-nine gangs in here. In twenty-eight of the crews, you gotta get ‘jumped in’ to get down with them. That means you gotta get your ass beat by the whole crew. Maybe they’ll fuck up your face or shove a broom in your little pussy or tight asshole. Like that ain’t enough, you could get ordered to do something dumb, hurt yourself or someone else you don’t got no beef with. Then, your time here on lockdown doubles or triples up,” Lina said, like she was disgusted. She was leaning forward in her chair, one hand pressing down on her leg and the other on her hip.
    “All that shit is retarded. We don’t get down like that. We’re pretty, and we’re smart. We make moves that the dumb ones can’t figure out. We money girls,” she said, and she was definitely speaking my language now.
    “What if one of them twenty-eight other gangs decide they don’t like the Diamond Needles girls? What if one Diamond Needle girl gets jumped? Do the rest of our clique supposed to let that slide just cause we supposed to be smarter and prettier than everybody else who’s locked up in here same as us?” I asked.
    “No, we pay any bitch back, but not the way they expect. We run this prison. The Diamond Needles are in all the right places. Everything runs through us or by us. Every Diamond Needle girl is in a power position. Since we got the power, and we make the money, we get the respect. If anyone crosses us, we don’t beat ’em with our fist. Why should we fuck ourselves up? We outsmart ’em. We squeeze ’em.”
    “Squeeze ’em,” I repeated.
    “Squeeze ’em,” she repeated.
    Each day with Lina brought a new lesson, a new assignment, and a new understanding. I ain’t slow, so I caught on and caught up. There were seven days of lessons. Lesson one was trust, followed by silence, loyalty, friendship, teamwork, style, and method.
    On the last day of my seven lessons, Lina said to me, “Being la bambina mas joven, the youngest of the Diamond Needles clique, is adouble-edged position. The older girls will feel even more protective over you. They might try and spoil you. Some might even expect less from you. On the other hand, since

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