and I don’t know how. I also have this sick feeling of déjà vu, and I don’t want to go down that road again.” Bad enough that it happened the first time, he refused to participate in another massacre of his heart.
“Fair enough.” Eli cupped Rick’s cheek, meeting his gaze. “Bring it up. I’ll talk. Not walking away this time—not walking away at all.”
“Yeah?” He wanted to believe him.
“Yeah. I only have to make the same mistake a couple of times before even my thick head gets it. I want you, Rick. If that means we come out, we come out. If it’s that important to you—then I’m on board.”
Rick frowned. “Just like that?”
“No. Not just like that. Like I know what my life is like with you in it, and I know what it’s like when you’re not. I didn’t want to hurt my mom—I didn’t want to….” Eli’s jaw tightened and his eyes took on a distant look. “I didn’t want to admit I felt like a coward because I left Mitch out in the cold, alone.” He held up his hand, silencing any response Rick might make. “My mom and you—you both say the same things and maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not to blame. Maybe I couldn’t have fixed Mitch’s problem. But that doesn’t change how I feel about it. I let my little brother down. I failed him. I have to live with that.”
He exhaled a hard breath and Rick’s heart broke for him all over again. It was a hell of a burden to bear.
“I failed you, too,” Eli admitted in a softer voice. “I failed us. That’s on me….”
“No, it’s not.” In this, Rick had to disagree. “I pushed when you weren’t ready and I saw that, and instead of giving you a break, I didn’t let up. I should have, but I didn’t.” He pressed his fingers against Eli’s lips to stop him from interrupting. “Whether we go out and dance at weddings or go to holiday parties together—that isn’t what matters. What matters is that I’m here when you get home and that you come home to me. Everything else is window dressing.”
Eli sighed. “But that window dressing is important to you.”
“Not as important as you are.” Rick leaned on his elbow.
“So, you want to go back to how things were?” Skepticism underscored the words.
“You don’t?”
Eli shook his head, shocking the hell out of him. “No. I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward. I want to introduce you to my mom and when she’s ready, to Christina and the girls.”
His heart squeezed in his chest. “You sure?”
“Hell, no. But anything that gets my sister to stop trying to marry me off is worth the risk.” The twinkle in Eli’s eyes and the twitch of his mouth betrayed his humor.
“Watching me turn into a nervous wreck has nothing to do with it, right?” What had he gotten himself into?
Eli dragged him closer. “Nah, that’s just a perk. Tell you what—why don’t we do this one day at a time? We don’t have to go full throttle in either direction as long as we’re both on board.”
“Don’t screw with me, Eli. I’m a surgeon…I can do some serious shit to your body.” Despite of—or maybe because of—the mock threat Eli laughed.
“I’m aware of what you do to my body. Stop being such a girl. I’m in…you?” He delivered the proposal like throwing down a gauntlet.
But what else did Rick expect. “I want to be wooed.”
“You want to be what?” Eli blinked slowly.
“Flowers. Dinner. Dancing. Romance.”
“How about a pizza and I’ll wear a Mets cap.”
“Yeah?” Brows raised, Rick gaped at him. The cap was a bigger concession even than meeting his mother.
“Yeah. Offer going in three, two….”
“Sold.” Rick kissed him hard.
Eli flipped him over. “Are we done with the hearts and romance portion of our morning?”
The stiff erection rubbing against his own told him exactly what Eli wanted. Rick grinned. “One more thing….”
“What?” he growled, the sound sending a shiver up Rick’s spine.
“Marry me.” The
“Fair enough.” Eli cupped Rick’s cheek, meeting his gaze. “Bring it up. I’ll talk. Not walking away this time—not walking away at all.”
“Yeah?” He wanted to believe him.
“Yeah. I only have to make the same mistake a couple of times before even my thick head gets it. I want you, Rick. If that means we come out, we come out. If it’s that important to you—then I’m on board.”
Rick frowned. “Just like that?”
“No. Not just like that. Like I know what my life is like with you in it, and I know what it’s like when you’re not. I didn’t want to hurt my mom—I didn’t want to….” Eli’s jaw tightened and his eyes took on a distant look. “I didn’t want to admit I felt like a coward because I left Mitch out in the cold, alone.” He held up his hand, silencing any response Rick might make. “My mom and you—you both say the same things and maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not to blame. Maybe I couldn’t have fixed Mitch’s problem. But that doesn’t change how I feel about it. I let my little brother down. I failed him. I have to live with that.”
He exhaled a hard breath and Rick’s heart broke for him all over again. It was a hell of a burden to bear.
“I failed you, too,” Eli admitted in a softer voice. “I failed us. That’s on me….”
“No, it’s not.” In this, Rick had to disagree. “I pushed when you weren’t ready and I saw that, and instead of giving you a break, I didn’t let up. I should have, but I didn’t.” He pressed his fingers against Eli’s lips to stop him from interrupting. “Whether we go out and dance at weddings or go to holiday parties together—that isn’t what matters. What matters is that I’m here when you get home and that you come home to me. Everything else is window dressing.”
Eli sighed. “But that window dressing is important to you.”
“Not as important as you are.” Rick leaned on his elbow.
“So, you want to go back to how things were?” Skepticism underscored the words.
“You don’t?”
Eli shook his head, shocking the hell out of him. “No. I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward. I want to introduce you to my mom and when she’s ready, to Christina and the girls.”
His heart squeezed in his chest. “You sure?”
“Hell, no. But anything that gets my sister to stop trying to marry me off is worth the risk.” The twinkle in Eli’s eyes and the twitch of his mouth betrayed his humor.
“Watching me turn into a nervous wreck has nothing to do with it, right?” What had he gotten himself into?
Eli dragged him closer. “Nah, that’s just a perk. Tell you what—why don’t we do this one day at a time? We don’t have to go full throttle in either direction as long as we’re both on board.”
“Don’t screw with me, Eli. I’m a surgeon…I can do some serious shit to your body.” Despite of—or maybe because of—the mock threat Eli laughed.
“I’m aware of what you do to my body. Stop being such a girl. I’m in…you?” He delivered the proposal like throwing down a gauntlet.
But what else did Rick expect. “I want to be wooed.”
“You want to be what?” Eli blinked slowly.
“Flowers. Dinner. Dancing. Romance.”
“How about a pizza and I’ll wear a Mets cap.”
“Yeah?” Brows raised, Rick gaped at him. The cap was a bigger concession even than meeting his mother.
“Yeah. Offer going in three, two….”
“Sold.” Rick kissed him hard.
Eli flipped him over. “Are we done with the hearts and romance portion of our morning?”
The stiff erection rubbing against his own told him exactly what Eli wanted. Rick grinned. “One more thing….”
“What?” he growled, the sound sending a shiver up Rick’s spine.
“Marry me.” The
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