A Million Suns by Beth Revis Page A

roots. “We’ve been stopped a long time. The ship’s not going to last forever. It’s . . .
Godspeed
is falling apart.”
    When I say it now, to her, I finally realize the truth. And I finally see the things I’ve never seen before, and what they really mean. The dwindling food production, despite the fact that we’re pumping all the fertilizer and nutrients we can into the fields. It’s true that most Feeders haven’t been working as hard as they did while on Phydus, but even their lack of productivity can’t excuse the way the crops barely have enough strength to push their way up through the soil.
    That year when we had so much rain—was it just for research, or did the irrigation system break? The chemically derived meat substitute used in wall food at least twice a week—is it really a better source of nutrition or just the best Doc and the scientists could make when the livestock was no longer enough to feed everyone?
    I’m starting to see why Eldest was so . . . so desperate.
    I think of the sound of the engine, even if its energy is just being diverted to the internal functions of the ship: that
churn
amid the
whirr
s. It’s not a healthy sound.
    When I’m done talking, I realize how silent she’s been the whole time.
    â€œAmy?” I ask softly.
    She meets my eyes.
    â€œDoes this mean . . . can I wake my parents up now?”
    â€œWhat? No!” I say immediately.
    â€œBut . . . if we’re not going to land—if there’s no hope at all that we’ll ever land—then, why not?”
    â€œWe might still land! Frex, give me a chance to fix this problem.”
    â€œMaybe one of the frozens can fix it. There are scientists and engineers frozen too, you know.”
    â€œAmy—no. No. My people can handle this.”
    She mutters something I don’t catch.
    â€œWhat?” I demand.
    â€œIt’s not like they’ve done that good of a job so far! Hell, Elder, how long have the engines been dead? Since before you were born! Maybe even decades—or
longer!”
    â€œI don’t need this!” I roar. “Not from you too! I don’t need you telling me what to do or that I’m not good enough.”
    â€œI’m not
questioning
you!” Amy hurtles the words at me. “I’m just saying, someone from Earth could probably fix this problem!”
    â€œYou’re just
saying
that we should wake your parents up!”
    â€œThis isn’t about them!”
    â€œWith you, it always is! You can’t just wake up your parents because you’re a scared little girl!”
    Amy glares at me fiercely, an angry flush staining her cheeks. “Maybe if you’d admit you weren’t good enough to do everything on this effing ship yourself, you could see that you have people who could actually help you right underneath your feet!”
    I know she said it in anger—that I wasn’t good enough. But her words
do
hurt, like a hot knife slicing through the center of me. “Haven’t you figured out that half my problems are because of
you?
If I didn’t have to watch out for the freak, maybe I could get something done!”
    As soon as the words slip past my lips, I wish I could grab them with my hands and crush them in my fists.
    But I can’t.
    The words are there.
    I’ve called Amy a freak, the one thing I swore I’d never do.
    I was the only person on the whole ship who hadn’t called her that.
    And now I have.
    Amy jerks her head, almost as if the words have struck a blow against her cheek. She spins on her heel and storms toward the Learning Center door—and the grav tube that would take her away from me.
    â€œAmy!” I shout, racing after her. She ducks her head away from me, hair swinging down to cover her face, and darts through the door. I grab her by the elbow, spinning her around and pulling her back into