mean all right. I’ve seen death in most of its forms I reckon; from disease to mine accidents and from war to suicides and each time I see it I wonder. I go to chapel like everybody else and I say the words like everybody else but when I come down to it I guess I only do it to keep my wife happy.’ He looked over his shoulder at the door and then dropped his voice to a whisper. ‘If I was honest, and you’re not to tell anyone this mind, coming right down to it, I suppose I don’t believe. You’re old enough now, and been through enough to realise that we aren’t all God-fearing, and worshipping believers. We all have our doubts, some more than others I guess.’
‘If that’s so why do all the men and women go to chapel then?’
‘Not all do. Your Da for one goes only when he’s made to but I know what you mean in general. They all have their own reasons but on the whole I’d say it was fear that drove them. You know what life is like in the mines
– all the accidents down there. The railways aren’t much better, nor the iron and steel works. I suppose the men are trying to make sure that if something does happen to them then they may not be quite as frightened of dying as otherwise they would be.’ He shrugged. ‘That’s as good a reason as any for going. Now don’t you say I said that, mind, or else I’ll get a reputation for being an atheist.’
‘I won’t,’ I said solemnly. What he had said gave me food for thought though I was convinced more than ever that if there was a God then he did not give twopence what happened to us, or what we did.
During the next week I was allowed to sit longer in the chair though not to walk around or do anything else. My aunts and Mam had stopped their vigil by the side of my bed and Sion was back sleeping in the bedroom. He now used Sian’s bed, instead of sharing with me.
A regular visitor was Uncle James Price. Perhaps it was my imagination but he looked as though he had aged since Sian’s death. I was aware that they had quickly become close to each other but had not realised how close. Sian had obviously meant a lot to him.
‘How come you’re always looking in that there atlas?’ he asked me once.
‘I like to imagine what it would be like to leave this place and travel – not around the world, but to go where there’s something other than rows of houses and mines
– a place where there’s open land and fields, I suppose. One day,’ I began to get excited, ‘I’ll go to these places. Here we are in Europe and I can’t even get to Cardiff, never mind such places as Paris or Rome say.’
‘Where’s that Dai? Those places I mean.’
‘Paris is the capital of France,’ I began importantly.
‘Oh, them,’ he interrupted contemptuously. ‘Why, God Bless him, the Duke of Wellington defeated them at Waterloo. Sent them no good Frenchies running he did. What do you want to go there for?’
I shrugged. ‘I dunno, just to see it I suppose. Anyway, Waterloo was eighty years ago.’
‘It doesn’t matter see. We beat them then and we’d beat them again. Why, we freed all of Europe from Napoleon . . . was that his name?’
‘Aye, Uncle James it was. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go and see what it’s like today, does it? I mean, it must have changed an awful lot like. Like we’ve changed here in Britain and especially here in Wales.’
‘I guess,’ he said, looking unsure.
Mam came in with cups of tea. ‘Here you are Dai, and one for you too, Mr Price.’
‘Thank you, Meg. We’re just talking about Dai’s ideas to travel. I reckon he’s been bitten by some bug that gives him the urge to move. What do you think?’
‘I think you’re right. He’s been on about nothing else since I can remember. Or at least since I showed him that atlas and taught him what it means. Mind you, he’s not the only one in this family. Oh well,’ she turned to the door, ‘I suppose we’ll see what we shall see.’
I wondered what
‘If that’s so why do all the men and women go to chapel then?’
‘Not all do. Your Da for one goes only when he’s made to but I know what you mean in general. They all have their own reasons but on the whole I’d say it was fear that drove them. You know what life is like in the mines
– all the accidents down there. The railways aren’t much better, nor the iron and steel works. I suppose the men are trying to make sure that if something does happen to them then they may not be quite as frightened of dying as otherwise they would be.’ He shrugged. ‘That’s as good a reason as any for going. Now don’t you say I said that, mind, or else I’ll get a reputation for being an atheist.’
‘I won’t,’ I said solemnly. What he had said gave me food for thought though I was convinced more than ever that if there was a God then he did not give twopence what happened to us, or what we did.
During the next week I was allowed to sit longer in the chair though not to walk around or do anything else. My aunts and Mam had stopped their vigil by the side of my bed and Sion was back sleeping in the bedroom. He now used Sian’s bed, instead of sharing with me.
A regular visitor was Uncle James Price. Perhaps it was my imagination but he looked as though he had aged since Sian’s death. I was aware that they had quickly become close to each other but had not realised how close. Sian had obviously meant a lot to him.
‘How come you’re always looking in that there atlas?’ he asked me once.
‘I like to imagine what it would be like to leave this place and travel – not around the world, but to go where there’s something other than rows of houses and mines
– a place where there’s open land and fields, I suppose. One day,’ I began to get excited, ‘I’ll go to these places. Here we are in Europe and I can’t even get to Cardiff, never mind such places as Paris or Rome say.’
‘Where’s that Dai? Those places I mean.’
‘Paris is the capital of France,’ I began importantly.
‘Oh, them,’ he interrupted contemptuously. ‘Why, God Bless him, the Duke of Wellington defeated them at Waterloo. Sent them no good Frenchies running he did. What do you want to go there for?’
I shrugged. ‘I dunno, just to see it I suppose. Anyway, Waterloo was eighty years ago.’
‘It doesn’t matter see. We beat them then and we’d beat them again. Why, we freed all of Europe from Napoleon . . . was that his name?’
‘Aye, Uncle James it was. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go and see what it’s like today, does it? I mean, it must have changed an awful lot like. Like we’ve changed here in Britain and especially here in Wales.’
‘I guess,’ he said, looking unsure.
Mam came in with cups of tea. ‘Here you are Dai, and one for you too, Mr Price.’
‘Thank you, Meg. We’re just talking about Dai’s ideas to travel. I reckon he’s been bitten by some bug that gives him the urge to move. What do you think?’
‘I think you’re right. He’s been on about nothing else since I can remember. Or at least since I showed him that atlas and taught him what it means. Mind you, he’s not the only one in this family. Oh well,’ she turned to the door, ‘I suppose we’ll see what we shall see.’
I wondered what
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