A Nice Class of Corpse by Simon Brett Page A

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    No, Mr Dawlish couldn't guess what the caption was.
    ' "Dear Sirs," ' Colonel Wicksteed hissed. ' "Last night I used some of your ointment on my husband's recommendation and there's been a great improvement." ' He stifled a guffaw. 'Do you get it?'
    'No,' Mr Dawlish replied evenly.
    The Colonel shook his head and sank back despairingly into his chair. 'No,' he echoed.
    There was a long silence in the bay window.
    Then Mr Dawlish volunteered that he had once used some ointment on his doctor's recommendation.
    'Ah,' said Colonel Wicksteed.
    'But there was no improvement.'
    'Ah. Well . . .'
    'No. Never cleared up. Still got the ruddy thing.'
    'Oh.'
    They lapsed again into silence. Mrs Pargeter, deciding that her investigation was not progressing much in the Seaview Lounge, rose and, with polite smiles of farewell, left the room.
    CHAPTER 13
    In the hall she met Miss Naismith, who had on her face an expression compounded of surprise, distaste and sheer triumph.
    'Ah, Mrs Pargeter,' she said with a smile that made no attempt at geniality. 'I was just coming to look for you. I wonder if you would be so kind as to step into my Office for a brief word.'
    Mrs Pargeter saw no objection to doing this. Inside the Office was a balding man wearing a pin-striped suit and a look of professional disapproval.
    'Mrs Pargeter – this is Mr Holland. He is the late Mrs Selsby's solicitor, who has come down to take charge of her affairs.'
    'How do you do?' Mrs Pargeter proffered a plump hand, which was shaken without enthusiasm.
    'Shall we all sit down?' suggested Miss Naismith.
    They sat, and she looked at Mr Holland to begin the proceedings.
    'The fact is, Mrs Pargeter, that, as Miss Naismith said, I have, since the death of her husband – incidentally, her last surviving relative – handled Mrs Selsby's affairs. As soon as I could after hearing the sad news of her . . . er, passing-on . . .' (Mrs Pargeter had the feeling that this was not the expression he would instinctively have used. Maybe Miss Naismith had already rapped him over the knuckles that morning for insufficient delicacy.) '. . . I came down here to make suitable arrangements. Now I believe that you have only recently moved into the hotel . . .'
    'That's right.'
    '. . . but perhaps you are aware that Mrs Selsby was the owner of a considerable amount of jewellery.'
    'I had heard that, yes.'
    'Now, unwisely, and against my advice, Mrs Selsby was in the habit of leaving this valuable jewellery around her hotel room.'
    'Against my advice, too,' Miss Naismith righteously interposed. 'I constantly recommended her to put such valuables in the hotel safe. As Lady Ridgleigh does with her extensive collection of jewellery. But Mrs Selsby wouldn't hear of it. "No," she would repeatedly say. "I like to have it near me, where I can look at it." '
    'Which was rather ironic, wasn't it,' said Mrs Pargeter, 'considering that her eyesight was so bad?'
    'Be that as it may . . .' Mr Holland's tone implied that he did not like having his monologue interrupted. 'Needless to say, one of my first actions on arriving here was to check the inventory of jewellery that I knew Mrs Selsby to possess.'
    'Of course.' Mrs Pargeter smiled.
    'Now, I asked Miss Naismith where Mrs Selsby kept her jewellery and discovered that it was her rather careless custom to leave it in unlocked drawers of her bureau.'
    Mrs Pargeter nodded. She felt confident she knew what was coming.
    But she was wrong. The words that did come took her breath away as if they had been physical blows.
    'Imagine my surprise then, Mrs Pargeter, when I found all of Mrs Selsby's bureau drawers to be empty.'
    Mrs Pargeter gaped.
    'Needless to say, I immediately searched the rest of the room, but found nothing. Which leads me to the unpleasant conclusion that Mrs Selsby's jewellery has been stolen.'
    'Which is a very regrettable word for me to hear used in this establishment,' said Miss Naismith. 'There have never been any thefts here before, and