A Secret Refuge [02] Sisters of the Confederacy by Lauraine Snelling Page A

stairs, out into the blustery wind.
    “If there is morphine to be found, I will find it.” Her vow met with a thunder roll. Lightning flashed a few seconds later as she bent against the wind to hurry home.
    “Dere’s mail.” Abby, nearly dancing with anticipation, met Louisa at the door.
    “From Jesselynn. Oh, praise be to God.” Louisa sat down on the stairs without even shedding her shawl. Opening the envelope, she unfolded the thin sheet of paper and read swiftly.
    “Oh my, things aren’t what she’d planned. They are still living in a cave near Springfield, but they are all well. Here, let me read this part.
    ‘Christmas made me so homesick for Twin Oaks I thought I might fall weeping and melt into a puddle, nevermore to suffer like this. We fashioned gifts for Thaddeus and Sammy, but all I could think of was the festivities of home: the house decorated with cedar boughs; the tree lit with candles; our singing at the church and at home; Lucinda carrying in the Christmas goose, all roasted to crackling brown; and pecan pie. My mouth waters at the thought. But worst of all, no mother or father to wish us Merry Christmas.’ ”
    Louisa stopped reading to wipe the tears from her eyes with one finger. “Ah, me. We had such a merrier Christmas here.” She glanced up to the ceiling. “And at least we were warm and dry with enough to eat and a roof over our heads. Lord, forgive me for taking so many things for granted.”
    “Me too.” Abby used her apron to wipe her eyes. “Dem poor chilluns.”
    Louisa sniffed and returned to the letter.
    “ ‘Forgive me, dearest sister, for sounding so gloomy, but I have one more thing to say, and then I shall write of livelier things. I have decided that if God does indeed exist, He no longer can stomach what men are doing to one another and has withdrawn from the affairs of men. I will no longer pray or read that book of His, because doing so is a waste of precious time.’ ”
    Louisa shut her eyes. “Ah, Abby, we must pray for her. Pray without ceasing. One thing that has always been a comfort to me is that my brothers and sisters have all accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, and no matter how far apart we are in this life, we shall be together again in heaven. I know Mama and Daddy are waiting for us, and that one day we shall all go home.”
    “And in heaven, dere is no white nor black, no slave nor free, but we shall stand before de Lawd, all his chilluns together.” Abby blew her nose. “Is dere more?”
    “A little.” Louisa took up the paper again.
    “ ‘Greet my dear brother and sister. I am grateful to know you are all safe. Thaddeus is growing faster than we can keep him in clothes, and Sammy too. Jane Ellen has taken over the care of those two, and I believe caring for someone else is bringing her back to herself. We all send our love. I am sorry this letter has been so dreary, but I cannot talk of these things with the others. Please forgive me.
    Your loving sister,
    Jesselynn
    P.S. I almost signed this Jesse, but I have to have one place where I can be Jesselynn, a woman, daughter, sister, and friend. JH
    P.P.S. I should just tear this up and not mail it, but paper is too precious for such waste. JH’ ”
    Louisa folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope. “The war. Always the war.”
    “I best get to fixin’ de supper. Reuben done bought a chicken at de market. He say meat gettin’ scarcer ever day.”
    Louisa knew that feeding the extra men was causing distress with her aunt’s finances, but what else could they do? “Then we’ll have to make it stretch for two meals. Add lots of vegetables and extra dumplin’s. That bread I smell will have to fill up any holes.” She pushed herself to her feet and hung her shawl on the coat-tree by the newel post. “Let me change my clothes, and I’ll be down to help.”
    As she climbed the stairs, her mind roamed back to her discussion with the general at the hospital. Lord, what do we do?