and Rich? When I left I thought you two were really going for it – another round of IVF and all that?’
‘No.’ I look down and my thin slippers have begun to soak up the dew and rain on the grass, making my toes curl. ‘I mean – we did, but nothing came of it.’ I clear my throat. ‘Actually, Scarlett, I…’
‘It’s funny how we change, isn’t it, sis?’ Scarlett turns to me, earnest-faced now. ‘I’ve changed. Have you noticed?’ She twirls around and her laughter scatters like a circle of bright droplets of water out of the sky.
I stop and regard her. She’s not been back a full day yet. In some ways, she feels like a stranger still. She’s got the essence about her of somebody who’s been to faraway places, an air of the exotic and the strange and unknown. At the moment she doesn’t feel very much like my kid sister.
‘Your hair – you’ve cut it shorter.’ She seems to be waiting for a response so I have to come up with something. ‘It’s shoulder-length now,’ I add.
Scarlett laughs. ‘It was hardly practical in that heat! I had it all chopped off as soon as I could but it’s grown back.’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘You
have
changed then.’ When I think of the hours she used to spend with those straightening tongs, hogging the bathroom mirror…
‘Hollie, I meant that I’ve changed
here.’
She puts her hand over her heart, ‘You know, inside. I’ve had my eyes opened to the world. I wish…’ Her gaze flickers over her once-beloved garden, taking in everything proprietorially and yet at the same time dismissing it all. ‘I wish I could even begin to describe to you what I’ve been through over the last year and a half, the people I’ve met.’
We were all up till two last night as she tried to describe it all, I remember now with a yawn. We heard all about the Yanomami, her second family as she described them, who’vebeen looking after her during her time there. It was a huge relief to hear that she’s got caring people looking out for her.
‘It’s just…changed my values, you know.’ She looks at me earnestly. ‘The way I feel about everything.’
I give a little laugh. ‘You’ve just grown up,’ I tell her. ‘You’ve experienced a different culture so you can see the world from a different perspective, that’s all.’
‘Yes,’ she enthuses. ‘A totally new perspective. That’s it. And I want to share that with you and Rich, Hollie. It’s just…’ She takes in a deep breath, unable to impart the magnitude of these new truths she seems to have stumbled upon.
‘Well.’ I pat Ruffles briskly. ‘I guess there’ll be time to debrief over the rest of your stay with us. You haven’t told me yet how long you’re planning on being here?’
It won’t be nine months, though, I realise with a sudden pang. I must have been crazy to ever imagine there could be any hope in asking
Scarlett
to carry my baby for me. She won’t. She can’t. She’s had her ‘eyes opened to the world’ now. What could I possibly offer her that would entice her to stay?
‘How long I stay here will depend on…’ She looks at me solemnly and stops. ‘Your face has gone pale all of a sudden. Are you all right?’
‘I’m just hunky dory.’ I take a deliberate sip of my tea, shrug my shoulders. I’m all right. I have to be all right. I turn my face away so she won’t see the foolish tears that have suddenly sprung into my eyes.
‘You sure you don’t want to go back in? You see, I’ve become…more aware of other people,’ Scarlett says deliberately. ‘Being with the Yanomami people, it’s made me more aware of just how selfish I’ve always been. I have, haven’t I?’
‘I wouldn’t have called you selfish,’ I protest. A little self-centred maybe.
‘No, I was. Selfish. And, well…I hope I’m not any more. Because my second family, they – well, they aren’t so hung upon possessions, because for one thing, they’re always on the move. The forest gives
‘No.’ I look down and my thin slippers have begun to soak up the dew and rain on the grass, making my toes curl. ‘I mean – we did, but nothing came of it.’ I clear my throat. ‘Actually, Scarlett, I…’
‘It’s funny how we change, isn’t it, sis?’ Scarlett turns to me, earnest-faced now. ‘I’ve changed. Have you noticed?’ She twirls around and her laughter scatters like a circle of bright droplets of water out of the sky.
I stop and regard her. She’s not been back a full day yet. In some ways, she feels like a stranger still. She’s got the essence about her of somebody who’s been to faraway places, an air of the exotic and the strange and unknown. At the moment she doesn’t feel very much like my kid sister.
‘Your hair – you’ve cut it shorter.’ She seems to be waiting for a response so I have to come up with something. ‘It’s shoulder-length now,’ I add.
Scarlett laughs. ‘It was hardly practical in that heat! I had it all chopped off as soon as I could but it’s grown back.’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘You
have
changed then.’ When I think of the hours she used to spend with those straightening tongs, hogging the bathroom mirror…
‘Hollie, I meant that I’ve changed
here.’
She puts her hand over her heart, ‘You know, inside. I’ve had my eyes opened to the world. I wish…’ Her gaze flickers over her once-beloved garden, taking in everything proprietorially and yet at the same time dismissing it all. ‘I wish I could even begin to describe to you what I’ve been through over the last year and a half, the people I’ve met.’
We were all up till two last night as she tried to describe it all, I remember now with a yawn. We heard all about the Yanomami, her second family as she described them, who’vebeen looking after her during her time there. It was a huge relief to hear that she’s got caring people looking out for her.
‘It’s just…changed my values, you know.’ She looks at me earnestly. ‘The way I feel about everything.’
I give a little laugh. ‘You’ve just grown up,’ I tell her. ‘You’ve experienced a different culture so you can see the world from a different perspective, that’s all.’
‘Yes,’ she enthuses. ‘A totally new perspective. That’s it. And I want to share that with you and Rich, Hollie. It’s just…’ She takes in a deep breath, unable to impart the magnitude of these new truths she seems to have stumbled upon.
‘Well.’ I pat Ruffles briskly. ‘I guess there’ll be time to debrief over the rest of your stay with us. You haven’t told me yet how long you’re planning on being here?’
It won’t be nine months, though, I realise with a sudden pang. I must have been crazy to ever imagine there could be any hope in asking
Scarlett
to carry my baby for me. She won’t. She can’t. She’s had her ‘eyes opened to the world’ now. What could I possibly offer her that would entice her to stay?
‘How long I stay here will depend on…’ She looks at me solemnly and stops. ‘Your face has gone pale all of a sudden. Are you all right?’
‘I’m just hunky dory.’ I take a deliberate sip of my tea, shrug my shoulders. I’m all right. I have to be all right. I turn my face away so she won’t see the foolish tears that have suddenly sprung into my eyes.
‘You sure you don’t want to go back in? You see, I’ve become…more aware of other people,’ Scarlett says deliberately. ‘Being with the Yanomami people, it’s made me more aware of just how selfish I’ve always been. I have, haven’t I?’
‘I wouldn’t have called you selfish,’ I protest. A little self-centred maybe.
‘No, I was. Selfish. And, well…I hope I’m not any more. Because my second family, they – well, they aren’t so hung upon possessions, because for one thing, they’re always on the move. The forest gives
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