whom he compared her had long legs and tiny waists. Bambi would never look like that, no matter how hard she tried.
Yet—she knew he loved her best. If he had to choose, he would choose her. But she was too proud to make him choose.
Besides, she had agreed on their honeymoon to do everything his way when it came to the business. Whatever it takes to make us rich . Work nights in disreputable places, bring home all that cash. So her husband went off to Baltimore Street in a suit and a hat at two in the afternoon, acting as if he were as normal as apple pie, and Bambi played along. “My husband works in the entertainment business,” she told those nosy enough to ask. “I guess you’d call him an impresario. He books the talent.”
Oh, yes, he booked the talent.
She was finally falling asleep when he slipped into bed at five. He was freshly showered. Why would a man smell of soap at 5:00 A.M. ? He gathered Bambi in his arms and inhaled deeply, as if she were a bouquet of roses.
“I love you,” he said. “Do you love me?”
She wanted to claw him and cry. Instead she said: “I suppose I do.”
“Things are going to be so great when we move into the new house. It will be beautiful. It’s beautiful,” he said. “You’re beautiful. And we have a beautiful daughter. We are going to fill that house with children.”
“It has only four bedrooms,” she pointed out. It wouldn’t be motherly to object to his inaccurate description of wrinkly Linda, all nose, that dark hair creeping so low on her forehead.
“We’ll build an addition. We’ll do something with that space over the garage. You’ll make it beautiful.”
Five beautifuls in the space of less than a minute. She knew what Felix valued about her, and it had never been her parents’ modest bank account. Beauty and the slightest bit of reserve, as if she didn’t need anyone. The key to keeping him was to never let him feel too comfortable, to maintain that cool competence. The other women would come and go, come and go. She was his wife and he would never embarrass her. Or their children. She hoped there would be lots of them, enough to make up for all the brothers and sisters she never had, and the husband who wasn’t home as much as he should be.
“It’s going to be a great life,” he said.
“Isn’t it already?”
The question seemed to surprise him. He pulled his face from her neck, didn’t answer right away. “Of course. But it can be better. It can always be better. Don’t think small.”
“How can we afford the house on Sudbrook Road, Felix?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“No one we know has a house like that. Not starting out, not in that neighborhood.”
“That’s ’cause they’re all coming slow out of the gate. I run wire to wire, baby. Wire to wire.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m always in the lead. Some horses have to hold back, wait for others to tire, then surge. I’m always out in front. No one can catch me.”
“I caught you.”
“I caught you .”
“You wanted me.” This was their litany.
“You bet I did. From the moment I saw you in that dress. You thought you were so grown up, with that little boy of yours.”
“I was grown up.”
“You were born grown up. That’s why you were so bored with those little boys. You needed a man. You needed me.”
She was drifting off. It was all well and good for him to talk, but she would have to get up with the baby very soon. Felix had a night job. She had an all-day one.
“I love you, Bernadette.” He used her real name when he wanted to be serious. When he wanted her to know he was serious. The first time he said it, under the chuppa —“I take thee, Bernadette”—she had almost started, wondering why he was saying another woman’s name at such a sacred moment. But now she was used to it. Liked it, enjoyed having this private persona with him. In all the world, only Felix called her Bernadette.
“I love you,” he repeated more
Yet—she knew he loved her best. If he had to choose, he would choose her. But she was too proud to make him choose.
Besides, she had agreed on their honeymoon to do everything his way when it came to the business. Whatever it takes to make us rich . Work nights in disreputable places, bring home all that cash. So her husband went off to Baltimore Street in a suit and a hat at two in the afternoon, acting as if he were as normal as apple pie, and Bambi played along. “My husband works in the entertainment business,” she told those nosy enough to ask. “I guess you’d call him an impresario. He books the talent.”
Oh, yes, he booked the talent.
She was finally falling asleep when he slipped into bed at five. He was freshly showered. Why would a man smell of soap at 5:00 A.M. ? He gathered Bambi in his arms and inhaled deeply, as if she were a bouquet of roses.
“I love you,” he said. “Do you love me?”
She wanted to claw him and cry. Instead she said: “I suppose I do.”
“Things are going to be so great when we move into the new house. It will be beautiful. It’s beautiful,” he said. “You’re beautiful. And we have a beautiful daughter. We are going to fill that house with children.”
“It has only four bedrooms,” she pointed out. It wouldn’t be motherly to object to his inaccurate description of wrinkly Linda, all nose, that dark hair creeping so low on her forehead.
“We’ll build an addition. We’ll do something with that space over the garage. You’ll make it beautiful.”
Five beautifuls in the space of less than a minute. She knew what Felix valued about her, and it had never been her parents’ modest bank account. Beauty and the slightest bit of reserve, as if she didn’t need anyone. The key to keeping him was to never let him feel too comfortable, to maintain that cool competence. The other women would come and go, come and go. She was his wife and he would never embarrass her. Or their children. She hoped there would be lots of them, enough to make up for all the brothers and sisters she never had, and the husband who wasn’t home as much as he should be.
“It’s going to be a great life,” he said.
“Isn’t it already?”
The question seemed to surprise him. He pulled his face from her neck, didn’t answer right away. “Of course. But it can be better. It can always be better. Don’t think small.”
“How can we afford the house on Sudbrook Road, Felix?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“No one we know has a house like that. Not starting out, not in that neighborhood.”
“That’s ’cause they’re all coming slow out of the gate. I run wire to wire, baby. Wire to wire.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m always in the lead. Some horses have to hold back, wait for others to tire, then surge. I’m always out in front. No one can catch me.”
“I caught you.”
“I caught you .”
“You wanted me.” This was their litany.
“You bet I did. From the moment I saw you in that dress. You thought you were so grown up, with that little boy of yours.”
“I was grown up.”
“You were born grown up. That’s why you were so bored with those little boys. You needed a man. You needed me.”
She was drifting off. It was all well and good for him to talk, but she would have to get up with the baby very soon. Felix had a night job. She had an all-day one.
“I love you, Bernadette.” He used her real name when he wanted to be serious. When he wanted her to know he was serious. The first time he said it, under the chuppa —“I take thee, Bernadette”—she had almost started, wondering why he was saying another woman’s name at such a sacred moment. But now she was used to it. Liked it, enjoyed having this private persona with him. In all the world, only Felix called her Bernadette.
“I love you,” he repeated more
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