the effect of a punch in the stomach on the girl. Her shoulders sagged, and she dropped into a thoughtful, wounded look.
“There, umm ,” Dorothy said, fighting to regain control of her emotions. She shook her head and dismissed the question with a wave of her hand. “There’s nothing really to talk about. They’re dead, right? People die all the time.”
“That’s true. But these are your parents. They only die once.”
“I know that,” Dorothy said, looking down into her hands. “It’s just that it can’t be helped, can it? It was an accident. I don’t know what to do about that.”
“Well, for starters, you can allow yourself to be angry, and sad. Those are perfectly normal emotions to feel.”
“Oh I do,” Dorothy said, nodding quickly. She had begun to pick at the skin on the sides of her fingernails. “I’m just kind of beyond it right now. But I feel all those things you said.”
“How?”
“ What? ”
“How have you been dealing with your grief?” Dr Weller said. He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at the girl. “How we deal with our grief is at least as important as the grief itself. Would you agree with that?”
“ Umm , yes,” Dorothy said. “I mean no. I mean —.”
She sighed, and her shoulders sagged again. She looked up at Dr Weller and arched an eyebrow, flashing her playful, impish smile. “Can we maybe talk about this another time?”
“Absolutely,” Dr Weller said. “We’ll talk about it whenever you are ready. In the meantime I want you to try and think about the connections between their death and your life, if you can.”
“I will.” Dorothy said. “Promise.”
“Anything else? Still having issues with the medication?”
“ Umm, no ,” Dorothy said. “How much longer do I have to take it?”
“Tough to say. You have a small chemical issue that is causing you some problems, and we need to correct them before you see any real improvement.” Dr Weller shuffled some papers as he spoke, piled a small stack together and tapped them out on the desk. He glanced at the clock.
“They make me feel like crap,” Dorothy said. “Like I’m walking around in a mist kinda, I don’t know. Not myself.”
“It’s called disassociation,” Dr Weller said. “It’s a result of the anti depressants you’re taking. They’re like a chemical wall we build in your brain to keep out the bad thoughts.”
“Like driving into a tornado?” Dorothy said.
“Among other things, yes.”
Dorothy stared into her hands.
Dr Weller smiled. “You know you don’t have to be in here for the full half hour, right? I’m here to help you understand some of your feelings, kinda put things in perspective. If you feel like you’ve talked enough today, that’s fine.”
“I think I’m done for today, doctor,” Dorothy said quickly. “I can go?”
“Sure,” said Dr Weller. “Like I said, try to think about your connection to your parents, and how it’s affected you. Maybe next time we can talk about it a little, if you feel ready.”
“ Sure ,” Dorothy said, smiling. She got up off the couch and headed to the door. She paused at the threshold of Dr Weller’s office. “You know, Dr Weller, I never intended to kill myself.”
“I believe that you believe that,” Dr Weller said.
Dorothy’s face darkened for a moment. Then the look was gone, like the cloud passing by the sun on a summer day.
A moment later Dorothy herself was gone from the doorway, leaving Dr Weller to himself. “At least, that’s what you want me to believe,” he said, to nobody in particular.
Chapter 6
Alice kept her head down. She felt sick and light headed, and several times she had to put her hand against the wall to steady herself. She’d never been this deep in a hospital before, and the soft emerald light made the distances deceiving. She
“There, umm ,” Dorothy said, fighting to regain control of her emotions. She shook her head and dismissed the question with a wave of her hand. “There’s nothing really to talk about. They’re dead, right? People die all the time.”
“That’s true. But these are your parents. They only die once.”
“I know that,” Dorothy said, looking down into her hands. “It’s just that it can’t be helped, can it? It was an accident. I don’t know what to do about that.”
“Well, for starters, you can allow yourself to be angry, and sad. Those are perfectly normal emotions to feel.”
“Oh I do,” Dorothy said, nodding quickly. She had begun to pick at the skin on the sides of her fingernails. “I’m just kind of beyond it right now. But I feel all those things you said.”
“How?”
“ What? ”
“How have you been dealing with your grief?” Dr Weller said. He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at the girl. “How we deal with our grief is at least as important as the grief itself. Would you agree with that?”
“ Umm , yes,” Dorothy said. “I mean no. I mean —.”
She sighed, and her shoulders sagged again. She looked up at Dr Weller and arched an eyebrow, flashing her playful, impish smile. “Can we maybe talk about this another time?”
“Absolutely,” Dr Weller said. “We’ll talk about it whenever you are ready. In the meantime I want you to try and think about the connections between their death and your life, if you can.”
“I will.” Dorothy said. “Promise.”
“Anything else? Still having issues with the medication?”
“ Umm, no ,” Dorothy said. “How much longer do I have to take it?”
“Tough to say. You have a small chemical issue that is causing you some problems, and we need to correct them before you see any real improvement.” Dr Weller shuffled some papers as he spoke, piled a small stack together and tapped them out on the desk. He glanced at the clock.
“They make me feel like crap,” Dorothy said. “Like I’m walking around in a mist kinda, I don’t know. Not myself.”
“It’s called disassociation,” Dr Weller said. “It’s a result of the anti depressants you’re taking. They’re like a chemical wall we build in your brain to keep out the bad thoughts.”
“Like driving into a tornado?” Dorothy said.
“Among other things, yes.”
Dorothy stared into her hands.
Dr Weller smiled. “You know you don’t have to be in here for the full half hour, right? I’m here to help you understand some of your feelings, kinda put things in perspective. If you feel like you’ve talked enough today, that’s fine.”
“I think I’m done for today, doctor,” Dorothy said quickly. “I can go?”
“Sure,” said Dr Weller. “Like I said, try to think about your connection to your parents, and how it’s affected you. Maybe next time we can talk about it a little, if you feel ready.”
“ Sure ,” Dorothy said, smiling. She got up off the couch and headed to the door. She paused at the threshold of Dr Weller’s office. “You know, Dr Weller, I never intended to kill myself.”
“I believe that you believe that,” Dr Weller said.
Dorothy’s face darkened for a moment. Then the look was gone, like the cloud passing by the sun on a summer day.
A moment later Dorothy herself was gone from the doorway, leaving Dr Weller to himself. “At least, that’s what you want me to believe,” he said, to nobody in particular.
Chapter 6
Alice kept her head down. She felt sick and light headed, and several times she had to put her hand against the wall to steady herself. She’d never been this deep in a hospital before, and the soft emerald light made the distances deceiving. She
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