corner, and I see the looks on the faces that stare back at me, and I know what they are thinking.
I know because I’ve seen them before. The worried looks and cryptic glances. I can almost hear the whispers that will follow in my wake.
When Alexei speaks, he sounds like Jamie. “What is wrong with you?”
But this time I know better. This time, I lie.
“I’m fine. Just cold. Tired.”
“Grace —”
“Leave me alone, Alexei.” I try to push past him. Adrenaline is coming back in a heady, overwhelming rush. My voice is ice. “I am not your problem.”
“You’re Jamie’s problem. And since Jamie isn’t here …” He lets the words draw out, smiles at me — a look that is part dare, part charm, and I hate him for it. For how easy life must be for him. I wish I were bigger, stronger. Male. I wish I could make people stop worrying about me and my so-called frailness. And if they can’t forget to worry about me, then I wish they would just forget about me completely.
“You don’t get to boss me around just because I’m a girl, you know.”
“No.” He eases closer. Part of me is happy for the warmth, but the rest of me wants to cut that part out, toss it in the sea. “I get to be the boss of you because you’re Jamie’s kid sister and Jamie isn’t here.”
“Well, that’s his problem.”
“No. It’s my problem.” Alexei leans closer. I shake harder. “Do you have any idea where you were? What would have happened if someone — anyone — had seen you in there?”
I do know. I know exactly, but I can’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me say the words. Besides, the lecture is coming no matter what I say. If there’s one thing my life has taught me it’s that the lecture is always coming. That’s why I don’t tell him about the men; I don’t dare mention the scar. It will be like it never happened.
With any luck, even I will eventually forget that it happened. Even if I know it did.
“I paid the neighbors a visit. Sue me.”
“I’m going to do far worse than that,” Alexei snaps. Then he softens. “You are the daughter of a major in the United States Army. You are the granddaughter of the United States’ foremost ambassador to Europe. You cannot break into embassies of hostile governments, Grace. I didn’t realize someone had to spell that out to you, but I’m spelling it out now.”
“Leave me alone, Alexei,” I say, my voice cracking. I hate how badly I’m shaking. I want to pull my treacherous tongue right out of my throat.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Alexei says. He could always do that — see through me. I used to think it was Jamie, letting him in on all of my tells. But Alexei has grown up on this curvy street. He knows all the languages. Even mine.
“What is it, Grace? What is it you aren’t telling me?”
I think about the men in the basement, the voices, the ominous drip, drip, dripping of the water. And, again, I shiver. I do not say the things that I have sworn to never say again.
Instead I say good night.
Alexei doesn’t stop me when I pull away and start toward the gate, but I can hear his footsteps behind me, echoing my own.
“You’re following me,” I say.
“Yes, I am.”
“That’s really annoying.”
“I’m sure it probably feels that way, yes.”
I stop. “I can take care of myself.” Overhead, the gas in the streetlamp surges. It grows brighter, harsher. There are no shadows anywhere as he looks at me.
“That’s exactly what worries me.”
He doesn’t say another word as I step toward the gate and the marine who stands there, keeping guard.
No one questions my appearance or the hour — they’re tasked with keeping threats out, not teenage girls in.
I don’t pass a soul as I race up the stairs and into my mother’s room, closing the door firmly behind me.
The window is open. The cold wind blows inside and I rush toward it. I don’t ever want to feel that wind again. But as my hand lands on
I know because I’ve seen them before. The worried looks and cryptic glances. I can almost hear the whispers that will follow in my wake.
When Alexei speaks, he sounds like Jamie. “What is wrong with you?”
But this time I know better. This time, I lie.
“I’m fine. Just cold. Tired.”
“Grace —”
“Leave me alone, Alexei.” I try to push past him. Adrenaline is coming back in a heady, overwhelming rush. My voice is ice. “I am not your problem.”
“You’re Jamie’s problem. And since Jamie isn’t here …” He lets the words draw out, smiles at me — a look that is part dare, part charm, and I hate him for it. For how easy life must be for him. I wish I were bigger, stronger. Male. I wish I could make people stop worrying about me and my so-called frailness. And if they can’t forget to worry about me, then I wish they would just forget about me completely.
“You don’t get to boss me around just because I’m a girl, you know.”
“No.” He eases closer. Part of me is happy for the warmth, but the rest of me wants to cut that part out, toss it in the sea. “I get to be the boss of you because you’re Jamie’s kid sister and Jamie isn’t here.”
“Well, that’s his problem.”
“No. It’s my problem.” Alexei leans closer. I shake harder. “Do you have any idea where you were? What would have happened if someone — anyone — had seen you in there?”
I do know. I know exactly, but I can’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me say the words. Besides, the lecture is coming no matter what I say. If there’s one thing my life has taught me it’s that the lecture is always coming. That’s why I don’t tell him about the men; I don’t dare mention the scar. It will be like it never happened.
With any luck, even I will eventually forget that it happened. Even if I know it did.
“I paid the neighbors a visit. Sue me.”
“I’m going to do far worse than that,” Alexei snaps. Then he softens. “You are the daughter of a major in the United States Army. You are the granddaughter of the United States’ foremost ambassador to Europe. You cannot break into embassies of hostile governments, Grace. I didn’t realize someone had to spell that out to you, but I’m spelling it out now.”
“Leave me alone, Alexei,” I say, my voice cracking. I hate how badly I’m shaking. I want to pull my treacherous tongue right out of my throat.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Alexei says. He could always do that — see through me. I used to think it was Jamie, letting him in on all of my tells. But Alexei has grown up on this curvy street. He knows all the languages. Even mine.
“What is it, Grace? What is it you aren’t telling me?”
I think about the men in the basement, the voices, the ominous drip, drip, dripping of the water. And, again, I shiver. I do not say the things that I have sworn to never say again.
Instead I say good night.
Alexei doesn’t stop me when I pull away and start toward the gate, but I can hear his footsteps behind me, echoing my own.
“You’re following me,” I say.
“Yes, I am.”
“That’s really annoying.”
“I’m sure it probably feels that way, yes.”
I stop. “I can take care of myself.” Overhead, the gas in the streetlamp surges. It grows brighter, harsher. There are no shadows anywhere as he looks at me.
“That’s exactly what worries me.”
He doesn’t say another word as I step toward the gate and the marine who stands there, keeping guard.
No one questions my appearance or the hour — they’re tasked with keeping threats out, not teenage girls in.
I don’t pass a soul as I race up the stairs and into my mother’s room, closing the door firmly behind me.
The window is open. The cold wind blows inside and I rush toward it. I don’t ever want to feel that wind again. But as my hand lands on
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