lied to everyone. Don't blame her."
"Savannah." Lexi's face falls further.
Jared closes his eyes, swearing softly.
"I didn't want anyone to know that I… let him treat me like that," I continue, and then motion toward my back. "And he didn't do this to me." I'm trying to get the words out before I fall apart. They sound thick, garbled. I don't care. I just want to be elsewhere. Soon. "I walked in on him and my friend in bed together. I dropped the vase I was carrying and slipped in the water. He took me to the hospital…." I leave out the part about him yelling at me. I'm ashamed enough about what I've allowed him to do to me without putting it all out there. "It was bad, but he didn't do it. I did it to myself. I stayed."
"Oh, Savannah, no." Fresh tears make tracks down Lexi's cheeks.
"So please don't fight over me," I whisper the rest of what I need to say.
Jared still won't meet my gaze and I feel bad. Just bad about everything.
"I'm sorry." My voice cracks on the apology.
Jared's eyes spring open. They're so green, so angry… so remorseful.
An ache begins in my chest, crushing the breath from my lungs.
I turn and flee.
Lexi calls my name, but I don't stop. I just keep going. Out the front door, across the yard, and into the guesthouse. I don't cry when I get there.
I just sit and think for hours.
When I finally step outside again, Jared's waiting on the porch. I think he has been most of the night.
He jumps to his feet, regret stamped across his face. "Savannah, I–"
I hold up my hand to stop him.
"I don't know why I stayed," I say when he snaps his mouth closed. My voice is a monotone, but it's all I have to offer him right now. "I just did. I don't have a reason. I don't have an explanation. It's not Lexi's fault. It's not Matthew's fault, or Kit's fault, or anyone else's fault either. Please don't blame them, okay?"
He nods reluctantly and I sigh, a weight lifting from my shoulders.
"It's not your fault either," he says. His voice isn't soft or quiet, or loud or accusatory. It just is.
I sigh again and make my way to the swing, not responding.
Jared leans back against the railing, watching me. His expression is wary, careful.
"I don't know how I let it get so bad."
"You were scared," he offers.
"I was naïve," I correct and glance up at him. I'm so tired of running from this. Eventually, I have to deal with it. "When we got to Italy, he'd yell and be an ass and then he'd be so sweet. I kept convincing myself it'd get better. I just had to be patient, try harder."
Jared's jaw clenches but he stays silent.
"I kept hoping that it'd get better." I shake my head in disbelief. Why did I ever believe that? I've had so much time to think in the last few weeks and I can't understand why I ever thought that. It was so obvious that it wasn't going to change. That he wasn't going to change. Even after I knew that, I kept hoping. "I was so stupid."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Jared asks, and he looks like he's really trying to understand.
"I didn't want them to know. I didn't–" I break off and try again. "You belong in this world. So do Lexi, Kit, and Maddi. I don't. I was only ever part of your world because my mother abandoned me and Matthew was too kind to toss me out."
"That's not true," Jared argues. "Matthew adored you."
"That doesn't excuse the fact that I wasn't his responsibility. He and Caitlyn took me in because that's the kind of people they were. He was proud of me. How–" I have to clear my throat before I can continue. "How was I supposed to tell him that there was nothing to be proud of? That I let someone treat me how Toby treated me? That I kept letting him hurt me over and over again? How was I supposed to ask Matthew to rescue me again when I was the one who decided to go with Toby? When I wasn't his responsibility?"
Jared's expression softens and he steps toward me.
The tears I didn't shed earlier creep up on me. I try desperately to fight them back.
"I was ashamed,
"Savannah." Lexi's face falls further.
Jared closes his eyes, swearing softly.
"I didn't want anyone to know that I… let him treat me like that," I continue, and then motion toward my back. "And he didn't do this to me." I'm trying to get the words out before I fall apart. They sound thick, garbled. I don't care. I just want to be elsewhere. Soon. "I walked in on him and my friend in bed together. I dropped the vase I was carrying and slipped in the water. He took me to the hospital…." I leave out the part about him yelling at me. I'm ashamed enough about what I've allowed him to do to me without putting it all out there. "It was bad, but he didn't do it. I did it to myself. I stayed."
"Oh, Savannah, no." Fresh tears make tracks down Lexi's cheeks.
"So please don't fight over me," I whisper the rest of what I need to say.
Jared still won't meet my gaze and I feel bad. Just bad about everything.
"I'm sorry." My voice cracks on the apology.
Jared's eyes spring open. They're so green, so angry… so remorseful.
An ache begins in my chest, crushing the breath from my lungs.
I turn and flee.
Lexi calls my name, but I don't stop. I just keep going. Out the front door, across the yard, and into the guesthouse. I don't cry when I get there.
I just sit and think for hours.
When I finally step outside again, Jared's waiting on the porch. I think he has been most of the night.
He jumps to his feet, regret stamped across his face. "Savannah, I–"
I hold up my hand to stop him.
"I don't know why I stayed," I say when he snaps his mouth closed. My voice is a monotone, but it's all I have to offer him right now. "I just did. I don't have a reason. I don't have an explanation. It's not Lexi's fault. It's not Matthew's fault, or Kit's fault, or anyone else's fault either. Please don't blame them, okay?"
He nods reluctantly and I sigh, a weight lifting from my shoulders.
"It's not your fault either," he says. His voice isn't soft or quiet, or loud or accusatory. It just is.
I sigh again and make my way to the swing, not responding.
Jared leans back against the railing, watching me. His expression is wary, careful.
"I don't know how I let it get so bad."
"You were scared," he offers.
"I was naïve," I correct and glance up at him. I'm so tired of running from this. Eventually, I have to deal with it. "When we got to Italy, he'd yell and be an ass and then he'd be so sweet. I kept convincing myself it'd get better. I just had to be patient, try harder."
Jared's jaw clenches but he stays silent.
"I kept hoping that it'd get better." I shake my head in disbelief. Why did I ever believe that? I've had so much time to think in the last few weeks and I can't understand why I ever thought that. It was so obvious that it wasn't going to change. That he wasn't going to change. Even after I knew that, I kept hoping. "I was so stupid."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Jared asks, and he looks like he's really trying to understand.
"I didn't want them to know. I didn't–" I break off and try again. "You belong in this world. So do Lexi, Kit, and Maddi. I don't. I was only ever part of your world because my mother abandoned me and Matthew was too kind to toss me out."
"That's not true," Jared argues. "Matthew adored you."
"That doesn't excuse the fact that I wasn't his responsibility. He and Caitlyn took me in because that's the kind of people they were. He was proud of me. How–" I have to clear my throat before I can continue. "How was I supposed to tell him that there was nothing to be proud of? That I let someone treat me how Toby treated me? That I kept letting him hurt me over and over again? How was I supposed to ask Matthew to rescue me again when I was the one who decided to go with Toby? When I wasn't his responsibility?"
Jared's expression softens and he steps toward me.
The tears I didn't shed earlier creep up on me. I try desperately to fight them back.
"I was ashamed,
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