Always by Timmothy B. Mccann Page A

body were expressionless, but her face glistened from a tear track on her cheek.
    I could tell she wanted to say something to me, but she could not. What was it? Did she feel more comfortable with Darius? He, after all, didn’t expect anything from her. He wouldn’t push her to stay on the A-B honor role. He wouldn’t bring her college catalogs and stick them under her nose. He wouldn’t insist she start a college fund and save her money while other girls her age headed straight for the mall they had just built in town.
    We broke our stare into each other’s eyes as a teacher came out of the classroom to quiet David and Darius. I turned to walk away and I heard her plead softly, “Please don’t leave, Henry. Please don’t leave me. I need—I want to tell you something.” But for a moment I couldn’t stand the sight of her. I already knew, in a way, what she both needed and wanted to say.
    As I walked around the corner, the bell rang, students bolted for their rooms, and I heard the door to her classroom close. As it did, I leaned against the redbrick wall trying to catch my breath. For the first time, something happened to me that had never happened before. My chest burned, there was a white blindness and I couldn’t think straight. There were no colors, no noises, yet my eyes were wide open. It was as if I had entered this chasm, and I knew my life would never be the same.
    It was not supposed to be this way. I’d planned every detail of my life and this was not a part of it. And then David came by and said, “Listen, man, I gotta get to the coach’s office, but we gonna handle this later on. You cool?”
    â€œHey.” I looked at him with not enough strength to crackeven a fake smile, and said, “Yeah I’m cool. I’m cool, man. Get to the gym.”
    â€œAll right, man. I’ll see you after school in the weight room. Hold ya’ head up and don’t be late this time.”
    As David ran away, I heard Darius talking to another girl in the hallway. I had too much to lose to waste my time with him or Cheryl if this was the type of guy she wanted to be with.
    I walked slowly toward my class, trying to think of an excuse for Mr. Rivers. But as I walked, Darius passed me, and said, “Man, if that’s your woman, you better keep that fine ass of hers on a leash, because a brother like me would—”
    I waited in the dean’s office for more than two hours. They called in our principal, Dr. Langston, and the head football coach to determine the best way to handle such matters since I was an athlete. At that time colleges, especially Florida A&M, were strict about player conduct, and my coach did not want it to affect my ride. Apparently I’d knocked out one of Darius’s front teeth and shaken another one loose. I don’t even remember the punch, it happened so fast. One minute he was saying something, and the next I was waiting for Nurse Arndorfer in the dean’s office holding a wet paper towel around my split knuckle.
    Later David told me he had seen the two of them together at a house party. He said he never saw them kissing or even holding hands, but he had noticed that Darius would walk her to all the classes I could not due to my schedule.
    When I got home that day, I wanted to call her. I wanted to call her so bad. Because even though it was her who was in the wrong, I felt guilty. For the past three years we had spoken on the phone at least once a day. As I paced in my room, it occurred to me that she and I had never so much as had an argument before. Sure, we had a Romeo and Juliet–like pressure from my parents, but that was a minor thing, because she knew I loved her, and up until that day, I knew she loved me.
    We used to say our love was so deep, the word love could not possibly define it. That true love transcended four letters. I once read that Eskimos have more than fifty words or phrases for