I start off, hoping to keep my tears at bay until I get outside to my car.
“Wait!” Jaxson jumps in front of me, blocking my way. “Please don’t go.” He pulls me against him, his hold tight so I can’t escape. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, okay? I just… Jesus, Anna, do you have any idea what the fuck it would do to me if something ever happened to you? We didn’t escape that shit all those years ago for me to lose you over a reckless decision.”
My anger deflates at his admission and the dam breaks. I burst into tears against his chest.
“Shit, come on, don’t cry.”
I try to stop but can’t. Everything from seeing Logan last night to all of this—it all pours out of me like a tidal wave. He holds me tighter and rubs soothing circles on my back. I hiccup into his shirt as I try to get control of myself. “I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I didn’t think anything would happen. A lot of the other students from campus have been going so I thought it would be okay.”
“None of them should be going, but the only one I care about is you. A lot of shit goes on there, Anna. More than you know.”
“I won’t go back again,” I promise. I hadn’t planned to ever go back because it’s not my scene, but I especially won’t now, knowing Logan will be there. At the thought I look up at Jaxson. His fierce eyes soften as he swipes a thumb under my eye, wiping away my tears like he’s done so many times in the past. “What’s he doing here?” I ask.
Indecision battles in his gaze as he remains silent. It makes me feel bad for putting him in this position.
“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?” That wasn’t the question I intended to ask, but it was the first one to come out of my mouth. I hate that I still care about him after all this time, but I do.
“He’s okay. He can take care of himself.”
I’ve always known he can handle himself, but seeing him fight last night was different. There was something behind his blows, something cold and hard. He was more like a machine than human.
“How?” I ask again, knowing I shouldn’t. “How is he out? He’s supposed to have two years left and now he’s involved in something illegal. It makes no sense.”
Another heavy breath escapes him. “Listen, I can’t tell you much. Hell, I’m not supposed to tell you anything. It’s not my place. But I’ll tell you it’s big, bigger than us, and you need to stay away from it. It’s dangerous shit and he needs to focus.”
“You’re training him, aren’t you?” I ask, the realization striking me fast.
He nods. “Yeah, we all are, but please don’t ask me any more because I can’t tell you.”
“Okay, I won’t.” I step back and wipe away any subsiding tears. “I should get back to campus. I have a lot of studying to do before my shift at St. Mary’s tonight,” I tell him, talking about the soup kitchen I volunteer at.
“Are we good?” he asks, wanting to know if I’m still angry with him.
I hate that he knew and didn’t tell me, that they all knew, but I trust him. And if he says he can’t tell me then I know it’s for a reason. It really isn’t any of my business anyway. Logan and his life haven’t been for a long time. The thought sends a fresh wave of pain through me.
“Yeah, we’re good. We’re always good,” I tell him truthfully. Sometimes Jaxson can be really overbearing with his protectiveness, but I understand why and I accept him for who he is. There’s nothing in the world that would make me turn my back on him—not ever. He didn’t turn his back on me when I needed him most. All three of them could have left me and saved themselves, they were as broken and beaten as me, heck, they were worse off than me. But Jaxson promised me that they wouldn’t leave without me and he kept that promise.
He slings an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “Good. Come on, I’ll walk you out.” We walk out into the busy gym and I notice a few
“Wait!” Jaxson jumps in front of me, blocking my way. “Please don’t go.” He pulls me against him, his hold tight so I can’t escape. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, okay? I just… Jesus, Anna, do you have any idea what the fuck it would do to me if something ever happened to you? We didn’t escape that shit all those years ago for me to lose you over a reckless decision.”
My anger deflates at his admission and the dam breaks. I burst into tears against his chest.
“Shit, come on, don’t cry.”
I try to stop but can’t. Everything from seeing Logan last night to all of this—it all pours out of me like a tidal wave. He holds me tighter and rubs soothing circles on my back. I hiccup into his shirt as I try to get control of myself. “I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I didn’t think anything would happen. A lot of the other students from campus have been going so I thought it would be okay.”
“None of them should be going, but the only one I care about is you. A lot of shit goes on there, Anna. More than you know.”
“I won’t go back again,” I promise. I hadn’t planned to ever go back because it’s not my scene, but I especially won’t now, knowing Logan will be there. At the thought I look up at Jaxson. His fierce eyes soften as he swipes a thumb under my eye, wiping away my tears like he’s done so many times in the past. “What’s he doing here?” I ask.
Indecision battles in his gaze as he remains silent. It makes me feel bad for putting him in this position.
“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?” That wasn’t the question I intended to ask, but it was the first one to come out of my mouth. I hate that I still care about him after all this time, but I do.
“He’s okay. He can take care of himself.”
I’ve always known he can handle himself, but seeing him fight last night was different. There was something behind his blows, something cold and hard. He was more like a machine than human.
“How?” I ask again, knowing I shouldn’t. “How is he out? He’s supposed to have two years left and now he’s involved in something illegal. It makes no sense.”
Another heavy breath escapes him. “Listen, I can’t tell you much. Hell, I’m not supposed to tell you anything. It’s not my place. But I’ll tell you it’s big, bigger than us, and you need to stay away from it. It’s dangerous shit and he needs to focus.”
“You’re training him, aren’t you?” I ask, the realization striking me fast.
He nods. “Yeah, we all are, but please don’t ask me any more because I can’t tell you.”
“Okay, I won’t.” I step back and wipe away any subsiding tears. “I should get back to campus. I have a lot of studying to do before my shift at St. Mary’s tonight,” I tell him, talking about the soup kitchen I volunteer at.
“Are we good?” he asks, wanting to know if I’m still angry with him.
I hate that he knew and didn’t tell me, that they all knew, but I trust him. And if he says he can’t tell me then I know it’s for a reason. It really isn’t any of my business anyway. Logan and his life haven’t been for a long time. The thought sends a fresh wave of pain through me.
“Yeah, we’re good. We’re always good,” I tell him truthfully. Sometimes Jaxson can be really overbearing with his protectiveness, but I understand why and I accept him for who he is. There’s nothing in the world that would make me turn my back on him—not ever. He didn’t turn his back on me when I needed him most. All three of them could have left me and saved themselves, they were as broken and beaten as me, heck, they were worse off than me. But Jaxson promised me that they wouldn’t leave without me and he kept that promise.
He slings an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “Good. Come on, I’ll walk you out.” We walk out into the busy gym and I notice a few
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