Our Lord and Moses were negotiating about the Commandments?They went up on to Mount Sinai for seven days and seven nights, working out the Commandments. On the eighth morning, Moses came down the side of the mountain and he said, “Gather round, multitudes, gather round. I’ve got two bits of news about the Commandments. One good, one bad.”
‘They said, “Let’s have the good news first, Moses.”
‘“Right,” he said, “the good news is, we’ve got them down to ten,” and there was loud applause.
‘“What about the bad news?” they said.
‘“Oh,” said Moses, “the bad news is that adultery is still in!”’
I must tell you one thing that happened. We were going to Brinsworth House in Twickenham, which is where all the old actors and variety artists go in their old age. It is a marvellous place and that is what the Royal Variety Performance is always in aid of. We were going to spend the whole day there and we arrived, going through Richmond, at about ten o’clock.
There was a policeman standing at the crossroads and I said, ‘Can you show me the way to Brinsworth House?’
He said, ‘Certainly, sir. Go up there, first right, second left, take the right fork, go across the traffic lights and it’s up there about two hundred yards on your right.’
‘Thank you very much,’ I said and, believe it or not, I remembered all that and we got there. We did the programme and finished about four o’clock and came back. When we came through Richmond, the same policeman – I hope he’d had lunch – was standing at the same place. I just couldn’t resist it. I wound down my window and said, ‘Officer, did you say first left or second left?’
N ow, we always asked people for bits of music, which were then slotted in between the interviews, which was why the programme had to be recorded. You couldn’t do it live, because people always had whatever music they wanted, and we couldn’t carry a thousand records around with us. The producer had to go back and find the records at the BBC and then slot them in.
The interviewees took great pride in what they chose and they always answered very quickly, except for one man, Richard Booth, who was in Hay-on-Wye. If you’ve never been there, it’s on the Herefordshire/Welsh border and it is a book town. Richard started six second-hand bookshops and there are millions of books on any subject you want – bridge, gardening – he has about five hundred books on every topic.
So he was a bit eccentric. He lived in a ruined castle and declared UDI on behalf of Hay-on-Wye and sent outambassadors to places. He was a bit dotty! Anyhow, I interviewed him about his books and then asked him for a piece of music. Unfortunately, he caught my eye and got the giggles and took rather a long time to get out what he wanted. Like this:
[ Tape recording ]
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard: ‘I would like … er, “Golden Years” …’ [ starts to giggle ]
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard [ laughs ]: ‘I don’t know …!’
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard [ splutters ]: ‘Erm …’
Brian [ now he’s got the giggles too ]: ‘Don’t look at me!’
Richard and Brian are both helpless with laughter.
Brian [ starting again ]: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. What’s your taste in that direction?’
Richard: ‘I would like … [ laughs ] … Can I have … [ more laughter ] … Can I … [ high-pitched giggles ] … Can I have “Golden Years” … [ hysterical laughter ] … Can I have “Golden Years” or anything by David Bowie.’
Well, there you are. He got it out in the end.
A nd that is the end of the
‘They said, “Let’s have the good news first, Moses.”
‘“Right,” he said, “the good news is, we’ve got them down to ten,” and there was loud applause.
‘“What about the bad news?” they said.
‘“Oh,” said Moses, “the bad news is that adultery is still in!”’
I must tell you one thing that happened. We were going to Brinsworth House in Twickenham, which is where all the old actors and variety artists go in their old age. It is a marvellous place and that is what the Royal Variety Performance is always in aid of. We were going to spend the whole day there and we arrived, going through Richmond, at about ten o’clock.
There was a policeman standing at the crossroads and I said, ‘Can you show me the way to Brinsworth House?’
He said, ‘Certainly, sir. Go up there, first right, second left, take the right fork, go across the traffic lights and it’s up there about two hundred yards on your right.’
‘Thank you very much,’ I said and, believe it or not, I remembered all that and we got there. We did the programme and finished about four o’clock and came back. When we came through Richmond, the same policeman – I hope he’d had lunch – was standing at the same place. I just couldn’t resist it. I wound down my window and said, ‘Officer, did you say first left or second left?’
N ow, we always asked people for bits of music, which were then slotted in between the interviews, which was why the programme had to be recorded. You couldn’t do it live, because people always had whatever music they wanted, and we couldn’t carry a thousand records around with us. The producer had to go back and find the records at the BBC and then slot them in.
The interviewees took great pride in what they chose and they always answered very quickly, except for one man, Richard Booth, who was in Hay-on-Wye. If you’ve never been there, it’s on the Herefordshire/Welsh border and it is a book town. Richard started six second-hand bookshops and there are millions of books on any subject you want – bridge, gardening – he has about five hundred books on every topic.
So he was a bit eccentric. He lived in a ruined castle and declared UDI on behalf of Hay-on-Wye and sent outambassadors to places. He was a bit dotty! Anyhow, I interviewed him about his books and then asked him for a piece of music. Unfortunately, he caught my eye and got the giggles and took rather a long time to get out what he wanted. Like this:
[ Tape recording ]
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard: ‘I would like … er, “Golden Years” …’ [ starts to giggle ]
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard [ laughs ]: ‘I don’t know …!’
Brian: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. I don’t know what your taste is in that direction?’
Richard [ splutters ]: ‘Erm …’
Brian [ now he’s got the giggles too ]: ‘Don’t look at me!’
Richard and Brian are both helpless with laughter.
Brian [ starting again ]: ‘Right, Richard, now we want a piece of music from you. What’s your taste in that direction?’
Richard: ‘I would like … [ laughs ] … Can I have … [ more laughter ] … Can I … [ high-pitched giggles ] … Can I have “Golden Years” … [ hysterical laughter ] … Can I have “Golden Years” or anything by David Bowie.’
Well, there you are. He got it out in the end.
A nd that is the end of the
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