eyeing Angie suspiciously.
“Right,” Angie continues, “so Little Red is minding her own business, riding through the hood on the way to her grandma’s –”
“Where are the muffins?” asks Mandy.
“What?” asks Angie.
I’m pleased to see Angie is getting the full experience of life with Mandy. Maybe I’ll finally get some sympathy.
“She’s taking muffins to her
sick
grandma,” says Mandy.
“Of course,” agrees Angie calmly. “Those are in her pannier bags on the back of her bike. So, as I was saying, she’s riding through the hood when who should leap out in front of her but the wolf!”
“Yes!” shrieks Mandy, obviously pleased that Angie has finally got one detail of the story right. “A wolf jumps right out in front of her.”
“Well,” says Angie, “not so much
a
wolf as
the
wolf. You see, this particular wolf was the biggest player in the hood.”
“What’s a player?” asks Mandy.
“Are you sure this story’s age-appropriate?” I ask.
“Emma,” says Angie seriously, “I have two little sisters, and believe me, it is never too early to hear
this
story.” She turns to Mandy. “A player is a guy who wants to get on the ride without buying a ticket.”
“A lot of rides,” I add helpfully.
“Right,” agrees Angie. “Anyway, Little Red practically goes over her handlebars stopping her bike so that she doesn’t run right into that wily wolf, and when she’s finally resting there on the side of the road, sweating and panting, that wolf sidles right up to her, calm as you please, and says –” Suddenly Angie’s voicedrops to a deep, cajoling snarl. “ ‘Little Red, you look good enough to eat. Why don’t you and I go out to the deserted warehouse and see if we can’t wake us up some sleeping dogs?’ ”
“What about Grandma?” asks Mandy.
“Exactly,” says Angie. “That’s just what Little Red said. ‘I’m on my way to visit my sick grandma,’ says Little Red, ‘and I’m sure not wasting my time with a no-good wolf like you!’ ”
“So the wolf runs ahead and jumps into Grandma’s bed!” says Mandy, leaning forward in excitement. No way is this going to help her fall asleep.
“That’s exactly what he does,” says Angie. “When Little Red shows up at her grandma’s house, she finds the front door wide open. Of course, her first thought is that Grandma’s been robbed and she doesn’t know if maybe the robbers are still there, but Little Red from the hood ain’t afraid of nothin’, so she rushes right into that house and up the stairs to Grandma’s room. And who does she find in her bed?”
“The wolf!” Mandy and I say in unison. Okay, so maybe I’m a little
too
into it, but I haven’t heard a good bedtime story since Dad left, and this girl has skills.
“Yes! And Little Red marches right up to that smart-alecky, no-good wolf lying there in Grandma’s bed, and she says, ‘What the heck do you think you’re doing?’ ”
“No,” says Mandy. “She says, ‘What big eyes you have.’ ”
“That’s coming,” says Angie. “So little Red says, ‘What are you doing?’ And the wolf says, cool as aPopsicle on a hot day in July, ‘Don’t you recognize me, sugar? I’m your dear old grandma.’ And Little Red looks deep into the wolf’s eyes and she says, ‘My grandma doesn’t have big brown eyes like yours. A girl could drown in those eyes.’ And the wolf says, ‘I’ve only got eyes for you, baby.’ ”
“Now the ears,” says Mandy.
“Right. So Little Red reaches over and tucks a lock of the wolf’s hair behind his big wolfish ear and she says, ‘I never noticed what big ears you have,’ and the wolf says, ‘The better to listen to everything you’ve got to tell me, darling.’ ”
“What about the teeth?”
“Yes, so then Little Red says, ‘I never noticed before what big white teeth you have,’ and the wolf spreads his lips in a big wolfish grin so Little Red can see every one of those teeth,
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