Antonia's Choice by Nancy Rue Page A

do to keep myself together for the twins. I didn’t even know what questions to ask.” She let outwhat could only be called a whimper. My classy, west-end-of-Richmond mother didn’t make sounds like that.
    â€œDo you want me to write up a list of questions to ask the attorney?” I said. “You know, better yet, you should talk to Chris.” I was moving onto firmer ground, and I felt my voice going solid. “Do you want me to call him for you? I mean, it’s not like we’re at each other’s throats—”
    â€œI want you to come up here, Toni,” Mama said. “I want you to pack Ben up and come back home and help us get through this. It’s a family thing—I want you here.”
    I could feel my neck stiffening.
    â€œMama, I can’t just drop everything and come up there to the rescue. I’ll do all I can from this end, but—”
    â€œThat doesn’t help me with these children!”
    â€œOkay, so send Emil down here. He and Ben love each other…” I stopped, shocked by the sound of my own voice. Where on
earth
had
that
come from?
    Wherever it had originated, it was going no further, because Mama snapped. Her voice went out of control, like the two broken ends of that rubber band.
    â€œSend Emil down there,” she said. “Break up the family even more—and make your sister feel like she
is
an unfit mother? What are you thinking?”
    â€œMama, that’s all I can do right now. It’s probably
more
than I can do. Now do you want me to call Chris or not?”
    â€œNo,” Mama said flatly. “No, you just take care of yourself, Toni. That’s what you do best.” And she hung up.
    I probably would have stood there pounding on the counter until my fist turned black and blue if Ben hadn’t called out from the study. His voice, weak and wavy, cried, “Mommy! Make it stop! I don’t want it—make it stop!”
    By the time I got to the study, he was sitting up, the blanket wrapped around him, but I could tell he was still asleep. His eyes were glazed over, as if he were looking at a far different world than I was seeing, a world that was scaring him into deep, wrenching shudders.
    I sat on the couch next to him and pulled him onto my lap. Hepressed himself against me, murmuring “Make it stop” into my chest until the shaking finally faded into fitful tremors. I held him until he was still again.
    And then I held him some more. I held him, and I ached.
    Drop everything and go up there,
I thought.
Can I do that? I can’t do that.
    When the phone rang again, I considered not answering it. As it was, I carried Ben with me to the desk and stood there while the answering machine picked up. At the beep, it was Reggie’s voice. I’d never been so happy to hear two “honey’s” in the same sentence. With Ben still sleeping against my chest, I juggled the receiver to my ear.
    â€œReggie! Don’t hang up!” I said.
    â€œWasn’t plannin’ on it. How’s Ben?”
    â€œSick,” I said. “I’ve never seen him this sick. I think he’s hallucinating. You don’t happen to have any Children’s Tylenol, do you?”
    She snickered. “A. J. and I usually use something a little stronger than that—but I can pick some up after work and bring it by.”
    Suddenly the thought of someone else in the house with me struck me as the best idea anybody had had all day.
    â€œCome,” I said. “But be forewarned—I need to talk. My mother called.”
    â€œHow are things?”
    â€œWorse. Can you stay for supper?”
    â€œI sure can. A. J.’s drivin’ tonight. And, honey, I’ll bring it, okay? Don’t you worry about cookin’.”
    I detected the smile in her voice. The thought of me at the stove was probably a little scary to Reggie. My jaw was softening already.
    She arrived at five-thirty