Appalachian Galapagos by Weston Ochse, David Whitman Page A

unkempt hair, shaggy beards sticking into their chests. All that was missing was the tie-dye and maybe several hundred hits of acid.
    The silence lasted for a full minute. With each tick of the clock, he fought the urge to turn and run. There were a lot of them, but with Jimmy and Lukas beside him, he felt much better. And the way the freaks were staring at him, it was almost as if they were sizing him up for a later meal.
    A deep voice finally broke through the angry stares.
    "And who might this be, my Brethren? Who is it that hath disrupted our service? Who is this interloper who hath so rudely stalked into our simple service, the smell of death and destruction upon his breath?"
    The voice came pounding through the room from an impossibly tall man, clad entirely in black, standing at the pulpit, his arms held high as if the air demanded their presence. A top hat rested atop a shaggymane of white hair. Old fashioned silver-spectacles sat atop a large nose and a Van Dyke mustache finished the crazed look.
    Frank coughed nervously. It was definitely B-movie time. If he wasn't in trouble now, he soon would be. "Uh, hello. Do you happen to have a phone we can use? We're kinda stranded out here."
    His words reverberated throughout the awnings of the church as if the very structure was against his presence. Instead of answering, the congregation merely sat there staring at him.
    "We do not have a phone. We do not need a phone. We need only to ask The Living Earth and our prayers are answered. Dost thou seek spiritual salvation?"
    Frank swallowed nervously wondering exactly what The Living Earth was. These people were giving him serious chills.
    "Um...No. I seek a way to contact home. Do you have a radio or something? Maybe a CB?"
    "Nay," The bizarre preacher answered. "We do not seek to contact the outside world. We seek to keep it at bay. I ask thee again. Dost thou seek salvation?"
    I seek a machine gun , Frank couldn't help but think. And a flamethrower.
    Frank's heart began to pound fiercely in his chest. His vision began to swim. His thoughts were muddled and he wondered if the incense was drugged. He found his peripheral vision waver, the edges slipping into psychedelic colors. His vision pinpointed to a picture behind the preacher and he felt his heart stop and his knees buckle.
    It was the Bigfoot, silhouetted by a setting sun. Dozens of worshippers bowed in reverence, their faces to the ground at its feet. He stared once again at the man behind the pulpit. He had seen him before as well, along the river watching them.
    "Jesus Christ."
    "Aye," said the preacher following Frank's gaze to the painting. "The Living Earth, Jesus Christ risen again from the Soup of God. He blesses us with his presence and washes away our sins."
    And we killed it. We killed their God.
    Frank took several steps back, squarely in B-Movie Hell. He had to get out of here. If these people ever found out what they...
    "Are your friends outside? Mayhap they would like to come in?"
    "No," Frank said maybe a bit too rapidly. "I think we'll just...um...take leave of your presence."
    "Are you sure? We have some cider to warm thy soul. Cyrus, go get the man's friends and tell them to come inside."
    No, Please, No.
    "Of course, Brother Cletus," said a figure who was an exact twin to the preacher.
    "Wait!" Frank shouted, sending all eyes to him like flies to a neon sign. "I'll get them!"
    Brother Cletus' eyes narrowed dangerously under his top hat.
    Frank blocked Cyrus' path to the door. His hands were out in front of him. "You know, my friends are a little bit shy. I think it's best if I was to go out there and explain to them what nice folks you are. Then we'll all come inside. Just let me—"
    Cyrus gripped Frank's right arm and moved him aside as if he were a doll.
    Frank chuckled, sensing the immediate and incredible danger of his position. When he heard the roar from outside the church doors, he closed his eyes and prayed. If there was any time in his