aterovis_bm_reapthewhirlwind.p65 by Arlene Chance Page A

Killian?
    57

    JOSH ATEROVIS

CHAPTER FOUR
    I brushed my teeth and went through all my evening rituals, then just before I got into bed, I decided I was thirsty. I didn’t want to disturb anyone else if they were trying to fall asleep so I eased open my door and padded softly down the hall to the kitchen. As I passed through the living room, I overheard Asher and Killian talking quietly. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I stopped and listened.
    “Will seems really nice,” Killian was saying.
    I felt horrible for eavesdropping, but I didn’t move.
    “Yeah, he is. He’s always been one of my favorite relatives, maybe because we look so much alike. One of our great aunts always got us backwards. One time he even got blamed for something I did at a family reunion. I never did tell them I did it.” They giggled and Asher was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “Do you really think he’s cuter than me?”
    I saw movement under the blankets as Killian turned to face Asher.
    “What do you think, silly?”
    “I think he has prettier eyes. His are blue and mine are this stupid blah gray.”
    “They’re silver and they are beautiful. You are beau-58

    REAP THE WHIRLWIND
    tiful. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
    Asher, you have to know by now that I love you more than life itself. I love being with you. When we’re apart, I feel like part of me is missing. I think about you all the time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. After all we’ve been through together, how can you doubt my love for even a single second?”
    “It’s not that I doubt it. I mean I love you too and I know you love me. It’s just…you’re so incredible; I keep wondering why you are with me. Never mind, I’m just being silly.”
    “Yes. You. Are.” Each word was separated by a kiss and was punctuated emphatically at the end with a passionate embrace.
    I backed slowly out of the room and returned to my own. I hadn’t gotten my drink, but suddenly I wasn’t thirsty anymore. My thirst had been swallowed by a sharp pang of—was it jealousy? Maybe, but it was definitely longing. I wanted what they had so badly that I could hardly breathe. I’d never even come close to having that depth of relationship with Beth. Would I ever have that?
    Unbidden, an image of Joey suddenly leapt into my mind. I mentally swatted it away in annoyance.
    “Stop it!” I hissed out loud at myself. “I am not in love with Joey. It’s just because Laura put the idea in my head. I can’t be gay.”
    But this time it wouldn’t go away. It was suddenly like there were two people arguing inside my head.
    “Why can’t I be gay?”
    “Because…”
    “Because why?”
    “Because…”
    59

    JOSH ATEROVIS
    Okay. So it wasn’t as simple as that. With a growl of frustration I threw myself backwards onto my bed. Well, maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. Then at least I could stop avoiding Laura. She was getting harder and harder to dodge.
    I decided to do this logically. I started making a mental list of all the things that I never felt for Beth that I saw in Killian and Asher. One, Beth was never my top priority. I never loved her more than life itself as Killian had said. Two, I didn’t want to be with her all the time, in fact, I hardly ever thought about her when we were apart. Three, I definitely didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her.
    Okay, so it was obvious that I did not love Beth, but that doesn’t mean that I’m in love with Joey. I took the same list and measured my feelings for Joey against them. One, everyone said Joey was my top priority so maybe he was. I had to admit his decisions were usually set in concrete where my life was concerned. Strike one. Two, Joey and I were almost always together. Well, at least we had been before he’d started college. And when we weren’t I missed him terribly. Hmm—strike two. Three, did I want to spend the rest of my life with Joey?
    I sat up. I didn’t like what I was thinking. It went against everything I’d ever