pout. “And I want a pair of Dragon-sized Blahniks.”
Heather leaped to her feet and eagerly nodded. “I’m sure that between me and the wizard, we can conjure up a Blahnik spell.”
“Okay.” Drag huffed and a gush of steam shot out his snout. “But you all had better not forget that you owe me, especially you .” His angry glare rested on Barth. “Mr. There is NO way I’m sacrificing my best friend’s balls .”
“Drag.” Barth held out his hands. “What choice do we have?”
“You want to screw the witch,” Drag snorted as he nodded toward Heather. “That’s what this is really about.”
“W-what?” Barth stammered.
Beside him, Heather averted her gaze while whistling to the tune of ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb.’
Drag’s heavy jowls turned a frown. “You’ll do anything she asks, including risking my balls. Fine, if that’s how you want it,” he cried, “I’ll go be Douchebagga’s love slave so that you can live out your happily-ever-after.”
Drag backed his head out of the kitchen and jumped into the air.
Barth ran through the kitchen door and called up to his retreating friend. “Drag, where are you going? Let me come with you!” His pleas were barely audible beneath the din of the beast’s flapping wings.
Drag looked down and answered with a loud, steaming fart.
“You’re lucky that wasn’t wet,” he called before flying away.
* * *
“What have I done?” Barth leaned forward on a bench in the wizard’s chamber with his head in his hands.
“He’ll be fine.” Heather sat beside him and patted him on the back. “He’s much bigger than Douchebagga.”
For one moment, Heather almost felt sorry for Barth.
Then she remembered what an incredible ignorant dick he’d been the night before.
Barth turned to her with watery eyes. “He’s not like other dragons, Heather. He’s sensitive.”
Heather stifled a groan. She still couldn’t get over Barth’s prejudice against witches—this dragon slayer who was worried about a dragon’s feelings and not hers. And worst of all, before he actually opened his big dumb mouth and insulted her coven, she was actually starting to like him—really like him.
She should have known her knight-in-shining-armor would turn out to be a jerk. Wouldn’t have been the first time it happened. She remembered what Drag had said earlier about Barth wanting to screw her. Wouldn’t be the first time a guy used her only for sex, either.
Well, not this time.
After Barth helped her save the kingdom from the zombie curse, she was through with him and all men like him.
Barth jerked to his feet and rushed to the wizard who’d been sitting at his computer. Unfortunately, but convenient to the plot, the wizard’s computer had been infected by malware from a pixie porn site, and his giant pussy had been infected as well. They had no way of seeing what Douchebagga had done with Drag. The wizard was trying to install a new virus scan onto the hard drive.
“He should have been back by now,” Barth said to the wizard. “Any luck with your pussy?”
“No,” the wizard sighed. “It’s still infected with this virus. I can’t seem to get it clean.”
Heather made a face. “That sounds gross on so many levels.”
Barth began pacing the room so as to demonstrate he was on edge. “I have a bad feeling. We need to get to Douchebagga’s castle. Fast.”
“Don’t you have any flying brooms?” Heather asked the wizard.
“I haven’t ridden a broom in ages.” The wizard stroked his beard with a bony hand. “Let me see what’s in my closet.” He walked up to a narrow wooden door in the corner of his chamber, and after several tugs and then a frustrated flick of the wand, the door finally opened. A big plume of dust escaped followed by a few skeletons, several empty beer cans, a blow up sex doll and a giant glass bong.
“Whoa,” Barth exclaimed. “I didn’t know you liked to party, Wizard.”
“Goodness.” The wizard turned a few
Heather leaped to her feet and eagerly nodded. “I’m sure that between me and the wizard, we can conjure up a Blahnik spell.”
“Okay.” Drag huffed and a gush of steam shot out his snout. “But you all had better not forget that you owe me, especially you .” His angry glare rested on Barth. “Mr. There is NO way I’m sacrificing my best friend’s balls .”
“Drag.” Barth held out his hands. “What choice do we have?”
“You want to screw the witch,” Drag snorted as he nodded toward Heather. “That’s what this is really about.”
“W-what?” Barth stammered.
Beside him, Heather averted her gaze while whistling to the tune of ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb.’
Drag’s heavy jowls turned a frown. “You’ll do anything she asks, including risking my balls. Fine, if that’s how you want it,” he cried, “I’ll go be Douchebagga’s love slave so that you can live out your happily-ever-after.”
Drag backed his head out of the kitchen and jumped into the air.
Barth ran through the kitchen door and called up to his retreating friend. “Drag, where are you going? Let me come with you!” His pleas were barely audible beneath the din of the beast’s flapping wings.
Drag looked down and answered with a loud, steaming fart.
“You’re lucky that wasn’t wet,” he called before flying away.
* * *
“What have I done?” Barth leaned forward on a bench in the wizard’s chamber with his head in his hands.
“He’ll be fine.” Heather sat beside him and patted him on the back. “He’s much bigger than Douchebagga.”
For one moment, Heather almost felt sorry for Barth.
Then she remembered what an incredible ignorant dick he’d been the night before.
Barth turned to her with watery eyes. “He’s not like other dragons, Heather. He’s sensitive.”
Heather stifled a groan. She still couldn’t get over Barth’s prejudice against witches—this dragon slayer who was worried about a dragon’s feelings and not hers. And worst of all, before he actually opened his big dumb mouth and insulted her coven, she was actually starting to like him—really like him.
She should have known her knight-in-shining-armor would turn out to be a jerk. Wouldn’t have been the first time it happened. She remembered what Drag had said earlier about Barth wanting to screw her. Wouldn’t be the first time a guy used her only for sex, either.
Well, not this time.
After Barth helped her save the kingdom from the zombie curse, she was through with him and all men like him.
Barth jerked to his feet and rushed to the wizard who’d been sitting at his computer. Unfortunately, but convenient to the plot, the wizard’s computer had been infected by malware from a pixie porn site, and his giant pussy had been infected as well. They had no way of seeing what Douchebagga had done with Drag. The wizard was trying to install a new virus scan onto the hard drive.
“He should have been back by now,” Barth said to the wizard. “Any luck with your pussy?”
“No,” the wizard sighed. “It’s still infected with this virus. I can’t seem to get it clean.”
Heather made a face. “That sounds gross on so many levels.”
Barth began pacing the room so as to demonstrate he was on edge. “I have a bad feeling. We need to get to Douchebagga’s castle. Fast.”
“Don’t you have any flying brooms?” Heather asked the wizard.
“I haven’t ridden a broom in ages.” The wizard stroked his beard with a bony hand. “Let me see what’s in my closet.” He walked up to a narrow wooden door in the corner of his chamber, and after several tugs and then a frustrated flick of the wand, the door finally opened. A big plume of dust escaped followed by a few skeletons, several empty beer cans, a blow up sex doll and a giant glass bong.
“Whoa,” Barth exclaimed. “I didn’t know you liked to party, Wizard.”
“Goodness.” The wizard turned a few
Similar Books
