upbringing, attempting to kill someone was inexcusable. This was not a man I should have anything to do with.
And yet, I didn’t walk away. Neither did he.
“Duke said I could hang around for a bit,” I explained, already regretting my decision to spend time here over the next few months. It wasn’t too late to back out. I could just tell Duke it was too awkward. But that would be cowardly. My mom would never have done something like that.
“You’re going to sign up?” Riker asked.
“No, not really. I’m just going to talk to people about their lives. I’m going to be a social worker in a few months.”
“So you want to spend time at the zoo talking to the animals?” Riker asked angrily. “These people are projects for you to learn from. Is that it?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I pleaded. “I just want to find out why people are here and how they turned their lives around.”
“Most of these people haven’t turned their lives around. That’s why they’re here and not at one of those nice fancy gyms down the road.”
“Look, I just want to help. Is that so bad?”
“You don’t want to help,” Riker snapped. “You want to feel better about yourself.”
Making myself feel better had nothing to do with it, but I did have a selfish motivation. Mom had dedicated her life to helping others as a criminal defense attorney, and I wanted to make her proud of me. I could earn more money in the private sector, and maybe that would make me happy, but I knew in the long run that wouldn’t give me any true satisfaction.
Mom had enjoyed her work. It had been tiring and stressful, but she wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I wanted to find a similar passion. Mom had done her best to help poor people find some justice through the legal system. I wanted to make sure they never got into the legal system in the first place.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said eventually, although my hesitation likely gave away how close he was to being right. “You can’t hate everyone who wants to help.”
“We’ve had people like you in here before, you know?” Riker said. “People have tried to ‘save me’ from what I do. No one here needs your help.”
“I have no intention of doing that,” I said firmly. “Clearly you’re beyond saving.”
“Whatever. Just stay the hell out of my way.”
Riker turned and stormed out of the office, but if he thought he was going to get the last word in, he had another thing coming.
“Why are you teaching?” I yelled out after him.
He stopped and turned back to face me. “What?”
“Duke told me you’re teaching people combat today. Why are you doing that?”
“The same reason I do everything—money.”
“Not to help people and repay your debt to society?”
“I spent five years in prison,” he replied. “I’ve already repaid my debt to society.”
“Okay, well maybe I’m doing this for the money as well. Does that make you feel better?”
“You don’t know what it’s like to truly need money. Besides, I’m sure you have a fat inheritance to live off now.”
I stared wide-eyed at him. “Please tell me you didn’t just use my mom’s death to prove a fucking point?”
Riker shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean… whatever. Just keep out of my way.”
He stormed off again and this time I didn’t attempt to get the last word. I hated to admit it, but he’d got a reaction from me. Had I really chosen my future career just so I could walk around feeling proud of myself?
Worse still, if that’s the reaction Riker had to me, what would everyone else think? I wouldn’t be much of a social worker if I couldn’t connect to any of my clients. I thought hanging out here for a few months would do some good, but I stood out like a sore thumb among all the muscle-bound men and women here.
I had to at least try. Mom would have never backed down so quickly. Besides, there were worse
And yet, I didn’t walk away. Neither did he.
“Duke said I could hang around for a bit,” I explained, already regretting my decision to spend time here over the next few months. It wasn’t too late to back out. I could just tell Duke it was too awkward. But that would be cowardly. My mom would never have done something like that.
“You’re going to sign up?” Riker asked.
“No, not really. I’m just going to talk to people about their lives. I’m going to be a social worker in a few months.”
“So you want to spend time at the zoo talking to the animals?” Riker asked angrily. “These people are projects for you to learn from. Is that it?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I pleaded. “I just want to find out why people are here and how they turned their lives around.”
“Most of these people haven’t turned their lives around. That’s why they’re here and not at one of those nice fancy gyms down the road.”
“Look, I just want to help. Is that so bad?”
“You don’t want to help,” Riker snapped. “You want to feel better about yourself.”
Making myself feel better had nothing to do with it, but I did have a selfish motivation. Mom had dedicated her life to helping others as a criminal defense attorney, and I wanted to make her proud of me. I could earn more money in the private sector, and maybe that would make me happy, but I knew in the long run that wouldn’t give me any true satisfaction.
Mom had enjoyed her work. It had been tiring and stressful, but she wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I wanted to find a similar passion. Mom had done her best to help poor people find some justice through the legal system. I wanted to make sure they never got into the legal system in the first place.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said eventually, although my hesitation likely gave away how close he was to being right. “You can’t hate everyone who wants to help.”
“We’ve had people like you in here before, you know?” Riker said. “People have tried to ‘save me’ from what I do. No one here needs your help.”
“I have no intention of doing that,” I said firmly. “Clearly you’re beyond saving.”
“Whatever. Just stay the hell out of my way.”
Riker turned and stormed out of the office, but if he thought he was going to get the last word in, he had another thing coming.
“Why are you teaching?” I yelled out after him.
He stopped and turned back to face me. “What?”
“Duke told me you’re teaching people combat today. Why are you doing that?”
“The same reason I do everything—money.”
“Not to help people and repay your debt to society?”
“I spent five years in prison,” he replied. “I’ve already repaid my debt to society.”
“Okay, well maybe I’m doing this for the money as well. Does that make you feel better?”
“You don’t know what it’s like to truly need money. Besides, I’m sure you have a fat inheritance to live off now.”
I stared wide-eyed at him. “Please tell me you didn’t just use my mom’s death to prove a fucking point?”
Riker shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean… whatever. Just keep out of my way.”
He stormed off again and this time I didn’t attempt to get the last word. I hated to admit it, but he’d got a reaction from me. Had I really chosen my future career just so I could walk around feeling proud of myself?
Worse still, if that’s the reaction Riker had to me, what would everyone else think? I wouldn’t be much of a social worker if I couldn’t connect to any of my clients. I thought hanging out here for a few months would do some good, but I stood out like a sore thumb among all the muscle-bound men and women here.
I had to at least try. Mom would have never backed down so quickly. Besides, there were worse
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