what I hoped was the right note of incredulity into my voice, just as if I hadnât had Helenâs Promise in a safe-deposit box foralmost eleven years. It had been the first nut I had stored; it was now the only nut I had left.
âNo, no, you could have until January fifteenth, at least,â he said, trying to sound magnanimous. I found myself wondering where he and Debra had gotten their lunch. Some fly place, I would have bet my life on that. Maybe Four Seasons. Johanna always used to call that place Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. âIt means theyâd have to crash production, seriously crash it, but theyâre willing to do that. The real question is whether or not you could crash production.â
âI think I could, but itâll cost em,â I said. âTell them to think of it as being like same-day service on your dry-cleaning.â
âOh what a rotten shame for them!â Harold sounded as if he were maybe jacking off and had reached the point where Old Faithful splurts and everybody snaps their Instamatics.
âHow much do you thinkââ
âA surcharge tacked on to the advance is probably the way to go,â he said. âTheyâll get pouty of course, claim that the move is in your interest, too. Primarily in your interest, even. But based on the extra-work argument . . . the midnight oil youâll have to burn . . .â
âThe mental agony of creation . . . the pangs of premature birth . . .â
âRight . . . right . . . I think a ten per cent surcharge sounds about right.â He spoke judiciously, like a man trying to be just as damned fair as he possibly could. Myself, I was wondering how many women would induce birth a month or so early if they got paid two or three hundred grand extra for doing so. Probably some questions are best left unanswered.
And in my case, what difference did it make? The goddam thing was written, wasnât it?
âWell, see if you can make the deal,â I said.
âYes, but I donât think we want to be talking about just a single book here, okay? I thinkââ
âHarold, what I want right now is to eat some lunch.â
âYou sound a little tense, Michael. Is everythingââ
âEverything is fine. Talk to them about just one book, with a sweetener for speeding up production at my end. Okay?â
âOkay,â he said after one of his most significant pauses. âBut I hope this doesnât mean that you wonât entertain a three- or four-book contract later on. Make hay while the sun shines, remember. Itâs the motto of champions.â
âCross each bridge when you come to it is the motto of champions,â I said, and that night I dreamt I went to Sara Laughs again.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
In that dreamâin all the dreams I had that fall and winterâI am walking up the lane to the lodge. The lane is a two-mile loop through the woods with ends opening onto Route 68. It has a number at either end (Lane Forty-two, if it matters) in case you have to call in a fire, but no name. Nor did Jo and I ever give it one, not even between ourselves. It is narrow, really just a double rut with timothy and witchgrass growing on the crown. When you drive in, you can hear that grass whispering like low voices against the undercarriage of your car or truck.
I donât drive in the dream, though. I never drive. In these dreams I walk.
The trees huddle in close on either side of the lane. The darkening sky overhead is little more than a slot. Soon I will be able to see the first peeping stars. Sunset is past. Crickets chirr. Loons cry on the lake. Small thingsâchipmunks, probably, or the occasional squirrelârustle in the woods.
Now I come to a dirt driveway sloping down the hill on my right. It is our driveway, marked with a little wooden sign which reads SARA LAUGHS . I stand at the head
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