Wisconsin for a few months. I could have fallen in love with him. He’s tall, built, a football player, gorgeous face, and his personality… oh, shit.” Light bulb moment.
“What?”
I swallow. “His personality is a bit like Xander’s. Not as goofy, but still Xan-like.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Why you don’t like him.”
“I’m not getting it.”
“He reminds you of someone you could have loved but didn’t get the chance, someone you’d likely still be with if that were possible,” he tells me, running his hand up and down my arm.
Can that really be it? “You think that’s why I don’t like Xander? I mean, I like him, but there’s just something about him that rubs me wrong. I’m not sure. I think it’s more along the lines that he’s fake sometimes,” I admit.
“How do you mean?”
“It’s like he’s putting on a show for everyone. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes sometimes. I don’t know why people haven’t noticed this yet, especially Lucy.”
“Who says she hasn’t?”
I shrug. “Maybe she has but it doesn’t seem like it. Instead of the fun-loving guy he tries to be for everyone, I think deep down inside there’s something more going on that we don’t know about. I prefer honesty.”
“Maybe he’s not ready to share that. Maybe it’s too personal.”
I snort. Shit, I’m starting to be like Sera too. “Too personal? Them knowing all about my medical history? That’s too personal. Them knowing about my lack of family? That’s entirely too personal. I didn’t have a choice. Neither should they.”
“I’m sure he’s not the only one on those buses that hasn’t shared everything.”
“No, he’s definitely not, but the rest of them don’t try to be completely the opposite of how they feel. Of the guys, the one who’s been the most honest and open with me is the one who’s the quietest around everyone else.”
“Kennedy? No way.”
I nod. “He’s like a big brother to me, taking me under his wing so to speak and helping me through things when I first got here and I had no idea what they expected of me—not that he knew either. He just told me it was okay not to know and not to worry about it or be embarrassed. That the answers would come.”
“And did they?”
“Yeah. If I could pick my family, Kennedy would be in it.”
“Don’t you know that family isn’t always blood? Family is where you make it.”
“Like Justin and the guys are your family?”
“Exactly like that.” He nuzzles his nose in my neck and I sigh.
“No time for fucking this morning,” Justin says through the door. “We’ve got soundboards to fix Nikki.”
“Ugh. Don’t call me that. I hate that nickname,” I tell him.
Lucian chuckles and I hear Justin doing the same. I can almost see his smile through the door. Those white teeth, short blonde hair, hazel-green eyes that know way too much, those full lips, and a body full of tattoos.
I flop back.
“Get a move on, Nikki.” At my growl he laughs. “You never shoulda told me you hate that nickname. From now on you’re gonna be Nikki,” Justin taunts.
“Lovely.”
Lucian leans up on one elbow and looks down at me.
“What?”
“Are you okay with what happened last night?” he asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. I just know you were thinking there for a little bit and I was hoping those sighs you were letting out weren’t sighs of regret.” He reaches up and straightens my scarf.
“Thanks. And no. They weren’t sighs of regret.” I can’t tell him everything. He’ll see me as a little kid and that’s the last thing I want him—or anyone—to think of me.
“Then what were they, Nicole? Talk to me.”
I recognize the stubborn look in his eye. It reminds me of my Uncle Frank when he wouldn’t settle for less than the truth.
“Fine. I’m a little ashamed of myself.”
“What the fuck?” Justin says through the door, then the door opens and I squeal, pulling the
“What?”
I swallow. “His personality is a bit like Xander’s. Not as goofy, but still Xan-like.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
“Huh?”
“Why you don’t like him.”
“I’m not getting it.”
“He reminds you of someone you could have loved but didn’t get the chance, someone you’d likely still be with if that were possible,” he tells me, running his hand up and down my arm.
Can that really be it? “You think that’s why I don’t like Xander? I mean, I like him, but there’s just something about him that rubs me wrong. I’m not sure. I think it’s more along the lines that he’s fake sometimes,” I admit.
“How do you mean?”
“It’s like he’s putting on a show for everyone. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes sometimes. I don’t know why people haven’t noticed this yet, especially Lucy.”
“Who says she hasn’t?”
I shrug. “Maybe she has but it doesn’t seem like it. Instead of the fun-loving guy he tries to be for everyone, I think deep down inside there’s something more going on that we don’t know about. I prefer honesty.”
“Maybe he’s not ready to share that. Maybe it’s too personal.”
I snort. Shit, I’m starting to be like Sera too. “Too personal? Them knowing all about my medical history? That’s too personal. Them knowing about my lack of family? That’s entirely too personal. I didn’t have a choice. Neither should they.”
“I’m sure he’s not the only one on those buses that hasn’t shared everything.”
“No, he’s definitely not, but the rest of them don’t try to be completely the opposite of how they feel. Of the guys, the one who’s been the most honest and open with me is the one who’s the quietest around everyone else.”
“Kennedy? No way.”
I nod. “He’s like a big brother to me, taking me under his wing so to speak and helping me through things when I first got here and I had no idea what they expected of me—not that he knew either. He just told me it was okay not to know and not to worry about it or be embarrassed. That the answers would come.”
“And did they?”
“Yeah. If I could pick my family, Kennedy would be in it.”
“Don’t you know that family isn’t always blood? Family is where you make it.”
“Like Justin and the guys are your family?”
“Exactly like that.” He nuzzles his nose in my neck and I sigh.
“No time for fucking this morning,” Justin says through the door. “We’ve got soundboards to fix Nikki.”
“Ugh. Don’t call me that. I hate that nickname,” I tell him.
Lucian chuckles and I hear Justin doing the same. I can almost see his smile through the door. Those white teeth, short blonde hair, hazel-green eyes that know way too much, those full lips, and a body full of tattoos.
I flop back.
“Get a move on, Nikki.” At my growl he laughs. “You never shoulda told me you hate that nickname. From now on you’re gonna be Nikki,” Justin taunts.
“Lovely.”
Lucian leans up on one elbow and looks down at me.
“What?”
“Are you okay with what happened last night?” he asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. I just know you were thinking there for a little bit and I was hoping those sighs you were letting out weren’t sighs of regret.” He reaches up and straightens my scarf.
“Thanks. And no. They weren’t sighs of regret.” I can’t tell him everything. He’ll see me as a little kid and that’s the last thing I want him—or anyone—to think of me.
“Then what were they, Nicole? Talk to me.”
I recognize the stubborn look in his eye. It reminds me of my Uncle Frank when he wouldn’t settle for less than the truth.
“Fine. I’m a little ashamed of myself.”
“What the fuck?” Justin says through the door, then the door opens and I squeal, pulling the
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