this morning, I almost had a panic attack. What if someone recognizes me? What if I freeze up? What if my heart explodes from terror?”
Jackie sat up and squeezed her hand. “I can’t even imagine what you went through. Bad enough that Levi abused you, but to let the other bikers beat you…” She choked on her words. “I don’t know if a person can ever really recover from that. But I do know you haven’t really dealt with it. If you had, you wouldn’t still be jumping at every shadow, wondering if one day he’ll come for you. And you wouldn’t mistrust every man who shows an interest in you.”
Lana cringed. Jackie was right. She still shuddered when she heard a certain timbre of voice, and froze when she heard the roar of a motorcycle. She had dated since James, but the minute her dates expressed an interest beyond a casual fling, she broke it off. James had been the only person who had ever made her feel safe.
Grabbing a whole chip, Jackie continued. “I never told you this, but after we hooked up and you pulled me off the street and I pulled your sorry depressed ass out of the ice cream tub, I went back to the area in East Van where I used to hang out. I walked down the streets. I talked to the people I used to know. I sat in the place where I used to beg. I found the people who used to harass me and I showed them the new me. I faced it down.”
“Jackie…” Lana’s voice broke.
Jackie swallowed and shook her head, cutting Lana off. “After that day, I wasn’t worried I would wake up one morning and find myself there. I could see I’d changed. Maybe going into the clubhouse will do the same for you. Think of it as…therapy.”
Lana snorted her derision. “I was outside the clubhouse with James wrapped around me and his tongue halfway down my throat. Can’t get much closer to a biker than that. Do I look healed to you?” She stuffed a handful of chips in her mouth then washed them down with diet soda and an Oreo chaser.
Jackie’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “First time you’ve used his name since I’ve known you. I was beginning to think maybe his momma had christened him Heartless Bastard.”
“Slap me next time I slip up. I don’t want to start thinking of him as anything but the heartbreaker he is.”
A heavy thud on the door rattled the windows. Lana shot out of her seat and shared a wide-eyed glance with Jackie.
“Were you expecting anyone?” Jackie twisted her long black braid around her finger, her trademark stress move.
Lana shook her head. “Except for an enraged Heartless Bastard, no one. Go look through the peephole. If it is him, I don’t want him to know I’m here.”
Jackie walked across the room and peered through the tiny security window. “It’s a biker. He’s facing the other way. Dang nasty patch. Three evil-looking dogs.”
Heart pounding, Lana ran to the window, almost overwhelmed with the need to escape. She opened the catch and pushed against the glass. “Describe him.”
“Tall. Broad shoulders. Longish hair. Kinda like a rock star. Very sweet tight ass,” Jackie whispered. “Oh. He’s turned around. Sweet mother of hotness. He’s got the rough, grizzled thing going, but he’s one hell of a looker. Blue, blue eyes. One of them is staring right at me.”
“Lana. Open up.” The rough edge to James’s voice sent a shiver down Lana’s spine.
“It’s him,” Lana rasped. “Heartless Bastard. Get over here and help me with the window. If he comes in, he’ll find a way to stop me from going to the barbeque, but once I’m there he’ll just have to roll with it.” She tugged on the window. “Damn. It’s stuck.”
Jackie looked back over her shoulder and gave Lana an exasperated toss of her hair. “Just be quiet and I’ll tell him you’re not here.”
“Who is it?” Jackie yelled.
“I need to speak to Lana.”
Jackie giggled. Lana shot her a glare. “Don’t laugh. You’re not supposed to know who he is. A strange biker
Jackie sat up and squeezed her hand. “I can’t even imagine what you went through. Bad enough that Levi abused you, but to let the other bikers beat you…” She choked on her words. “I don’t know if a person can ever really recover from that. But I do know you haven’t really dealt with it. If you had, you wouldn’t still be jumping at every shadow, wondering if one day he’ll come for you. And you wouldn’t mistrust every man who shows an interest in you.”
Lana cringed. Jackie was right. She still shuddered when she heard a certain timbre of voice, and froze when she heard the roar of a motorcycle. She had dated since James, but the minute her dates expressed an interest beyond a casual fling, she broke it off. James had been the only person who had ever made her feel safe.
Grabbing a whole chip, Jackie continued. “I never told you this, but after we hooked up and you pulled me off the street and I pulled your sorry depressed ass out of the ice cream tub, I went back to the area in East Van where I used to hang out. I walked down the streets. I talked to the people I used to know. I sat in the place where I used to beg. I found the people who used to harass me and I showed them the new me. I faced it down.”
“Jackie…” Lana’s voice broke.
Jackie swallowed and shook her head, cutting Lana off. “After that day, I wasn’t worried I would wake up one morning and find myself there. I could see I’d changed. Maybe going into the clubhouse will do the same for you. Think of it as…therapy.”
Lana snorted her derision. “I was outside the clubhouse with James wrapped around me and his tongue halfway down my throat. Can’t get much closer to a biker than that. Do I look healed to you?” She stuffed a handful of chips in her mouth then washed them down with diet soda and an Oreo chaser.
Jackie’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “First time you’ve used his name since I’ve known you. I was beginning to think maybe his momma had christened him Heartless Bastard.”
“Slap me next time I slip up. I don’t want to start thinking of him as anything but the heartbreaker he is.”
A heavy thud on the door rattled the windows. Lana shot out of her seat and shared a wide-eyed glance with Jackie.
“Were you expecting anyone?” Jackie twisted her long black braid around her finger, her trademark stress move.
Lana shook her head. “Except for an enraged Heartless Bastard, no one. Go look through the peephole. If it is him, I don’t want him to know I’m here.”
Jackie walked across the room and peered through the tiny security window. “It’s a biker. He’s facing the other way. Dang nasty patch. Three evil-looking dogs.”
Heart pounding, Lana ran to the window, almost overwhelmed with the need to escape. She opened the catch and pushed against the glass. “Describe him.”
“Tall. Broad shoulders. Longish hair. Kinda like a rock star. Very sweet tight ass,” Jackie whispered. “Oh. He’s turned around. Sweet mother of hotness. He’s got the rough, grizzled thing going, but he’s one hell of a looker. Blue, blue eyes. One of them is staring right at me.”
“Lana. Open up.” The rough edge to James’s voice sent a shiver down Lana’s spine.
“It’s him,” Lana rasped. “Heartless Bastard. Get over here and help me with the window. If he comes in, he’ll find a way to stop me from going to the barbeque, but once I’m there he’ll just have to roll with it.” She tugged on the window. “Damn. It’s stuck.”
Jackie looked back over her shoulder and gave Lana an exasperated toss of her hair. “Just be quiet and I’ll tell him you’re not here.”
“Who is it?” Jackie yelled.
“I need to speak to Lana.”
Jackie giggled. Lana shot her a glare. “Don’t laugh. You’re not supposed to know who he is. A strange biker
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