Beautiful Monster by Kate McCaffrey Page A

round, excited face. She wipes the flour into her hand, careful not to drop it on the floor. Gives the bench a last going over. Checks the cake, which is beginning to rise nicely. Flicks the Enjo across the timber floor.
    It’s five-fifteen. Tess heads out for a jog.
    There is fog over the lake and it is still in this early hour. She keeps her hands in her tracksuit pockets and jogs slowly around the water’s edge. Ned might be up ahead, but part of her hopes that if he is, he won’t see her. She can’t handle him, not after the way he attacked her following the race meet.
    They were walking in the park. Nero was off the lead and running ahead of them, then circling back, sniffing trees and other dogs and air.
    â€˜I know you, Tess,’ Ned said slyly. ‘I know what you thought.’
    Tess wouldn’t look at him. She heard the judgement in his voice; she didn’t need to see it too. She shrugged defiantly. ‘It was an honest mistake. Could’ve happened to anyone.’
    â€˜But it didn’t,’ Ned continued, worse than Nero with a bone. ‘It happened to you, Tess. You’re the reason the team lost the trophy.’
    She tries to block out his words, but it’s hard to do when she knows he’s right. She is worthless. How Ned could love someone so useless is beyond her.
    Then she spots him up ahead, a spectre materialising out of the gloom. In the stillness he must hear her footsteps because he waits and she catches up.
    â€˜Knew it was you,’ he says, moving to embrace her.
    Her heart immediately melts.
    â€˜I’d know the sound of thundering elephants anywhere.’
    She pulls back from his embrace, fragile from the morning’s baking, wounded by the implication of his comments. ‘Thanks,’ she says curtly.
    â€˜What?’ He acts as if he has no idea that he’s hurt her. ‘What’s the matter with you?’
    They walk along briskly. She doesn’t want to talk to him.
    â€˜Come on, what’s up?’
    â€˜Brodie’s birthday tomorrow.’ Tears well up in her eyes. ‘He would’ve been thirteen.’ The idea of him as a thirteen-year-old knifes her.
    â€˜Mum cooking?’ Ned asks gently. He is soft and kind.
    â€˜Yeah. Dad’s taking her to the shrink today. But she’s on one of those downward spirals. Manic and mental today, tomorrow morose and maudlin.’
    She shakes her head as he says, ‘It must be hard for her.’
    â€˜It is, and every year it seems to get harder. It’s difficult to believe it’s been three whole years tomorrow.’
    â€˜Time flies when you’re having fun,’ Ned replies. ‘Isn’t that what people say?’
    Tess doesn’t respond. She walks on quickly in silence, almost holding her breath. Where has the fun gone? Their happy, loud house is now an Emporium of Silence and Good Manners. She shudders, wrapping her arms around her waist.
    â€˜Cold?’ Ned asks.
    She feels his warmth through her rigid shoulders.
    â€˜All the time,’ she says softly, looking at her fingernails, which have developed a blue tinge. ‘I always feel cold.’
    â€˜Let’s run,’ Ned says. ‘Kill two birds with one stone.’
    She can barely feel his grip on her icy hand as she lets him drag her around the lake.
    When she gets home from school she is surprised to find Aunty Sue sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine and drinking tea.
    â€˜Hi,’ Tess says, dropping her school bag. ‘Where are they?’
    â€˜Hello, my darling,’ Aunty Sue says. ‘Dad’s taken Mum to the doctor. He told me what happened this morning, couldn’t get an earlier appointment. But anyway, she slept most of today, so it was probably good for her. I just got here as they were leaving. I didn’t want you to come home to an empty house, so I thought I’d wait.’ Aunty Sue pats the chair next to her.