Before I Break by Portia Moore Page A

on my clothes, I head to the kitchen. My stomach already craving the bacon and eggs my mom is frying up. She glances back at me as I sit down at the table. She already has a plate fixed for me. She sits down at the table across from me and pours orange juice in our glasses . I start to dig into my plate and she clears her throat. I roll my eyes as she takes my hand.
    “ Lord, we thank you for this food you blessed us to receive, and for our bodies to be healthy enough to receive it. Amen,” she says, and I grunt an Amen before shoving a spoonful of eggs in my mouth. I’m trying to count the few things to be thankful for this morning, but as of right now I’m not in a thankful mood.
    Someone’ s screwed up my life, and if God planned my life like this, I’m pretty pissed at him right now. But since my mom is still here when she came so close to being gone I won't voice that opinion to her.
    “ Is Dad out back already?” I ask, noticing she’s set no plate for him.
    She nods . “He wanted an early start,” she says after finishing her juice.
    “ How are you feeling?” she asks, and I’m not sure if she’s referring to my mental state or the hangover from yesterday. I glance up at her a second before my eyes land back on my plate.
    “I don’ t know,” I admit honestly. Today, I’m kind of numb. I don’t how to feel or think, but it’s better than being furious or hopeless, so I’ll take it.
    “ Lauren is going to come here tomorrow,” she says quietly, her voice normal though the statement is anything but. I let out a deep breath.
    “Yeah?” I say, feeling as if I’m in a daze. Lauren, my wife, Cal’s wife. At this point, whose wife she is doesn’t matter since it’s both, or one of our DNA’s in the kid. My mom gets up from the table, opens the drawer, and then sits back down.
    “I didn’ t get a chance to show you this. You left so abruptly that day,” she says, sliding a picture across the table. Her lips are pressed tightly together but curved in a smile. I pick up the picture and let out a deep sigh. It’s a little girl, maybe a year old, if that. She has big green eyes and dark curly hair all over her head. Two deep dimples. I involuntarily let out a sigh. She looks just like my baby pictures only she’s a girl.
    “She’s beautiful isn’t she?” m y mom says, not hiding her smile any longer.
    Wow. I really have a daughter, and she looks just like me. I never thought my first time seeing my child would be in a picture when they’ve been in the world a...I don’t even know how old she is.
    “ What’s her name?” I ask, resting my forehead in my hand.
    “Caylen,” she says quietly. I let out a huff. “She named her after him didn’t she?” I say with an angry laugh.
    “ I—I know this isn’t the best situation, and we never imagined things happening this way for you, but this doesn’t have to be all bad,” my mom says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I shake my head.
    “ I—I’ve missed her first birthday, first word, and first steps. I don’t even know how old she is,” I say, the weight of knowing that I have a part of me in this world being added to a boat load of stress that’s overflowing...
    “ We missed yours too, but that doesn’t make us love you any less. If we’d been there, would that make you love us any more?” she asks with a sincere smile. She’s right. Things could be a lot worse. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself; whether I like it or not, I’m a...I’m a dad. I’ve always wanted kids. I grew up the only child, and if it wasn’t for Lisa, it would have been pretty lonely.
    If it was up to me I’ d have enough kids to start a little league. Jenna made it clear that wasn’t happening, whenever we did start a family. She doesn’t really want kids but said she’d have one for me. Now she’s probably not going to speak to me again, let alone, have my child. I can’t see any woman taking me seriously with something like this. Hi,