Before I Break by Portia Moore Page B

my name is Chris, and I might turn into a jerk-off any minute, literally. So, this is probably the only kid I’ll ever have.
    “Is she going to bring her...Caylen with her tomorrow ?” I correct myself.
    “ No. I believe she’s back in Chicago,” my mom says, taking a drink of her coffee. Chicago...That’s at least a three to four hour drive. I’ve only been there...or remember being there for a trip during high school. I let out a sigh, how am I supposed to be a parent four hours away?
    “How much do you know about her?” I ask.
    “ Well. Not much, Christopher. Dexter told us she graduated from Chicago University a few years ago and that she was an artist, I’m not sure what kind. She’s originally from Michigan.” She sighs and folds her hands.
    “ He told us that she was a good person.” Dexter’s definition of a good person doesn’t hold much weight with me.
    “ He also said that…that Cal really loved her.” Her eyes briefly find mine before glancing at the table. Loved her? He didn’t love her enough to tell her the truth...but my parents didn’t tell me the truth either.
    I let out another deep sigh. She’s coming here and I don’t even want to think about what she’s going to say to me. I have this guy’s face that abandoned her, that left her with a kid. But even with all that, she looked at me with anything but resentment or hatred…well, that is until I told her I didn’t know who she was.
    You can ’t get married. You already are...
    I fold my hands together. It’s more like I’ve been sitting on them. Today I need to start to figure this out, with Jenna and Lauren. The woman who should or would have been my wife, who can’t know because I’m married to a woman I have a child with—a woman, I didn’t even know existed before this week.
    “ What do I tell Jenna, Mom? How do I tell her this?” I look at the little girl in the picture again, trying to get my brain to connect that this is my daughter.
    “ You can only tell her the truth and hope that she understands,” my mom says weakly as if even she doesn’t believe Jenna will understand this.
    “And Lauren...I don’t know what she wants from me.” I trail off.
    “Will she understand that?” I sigh. I don’t even know what I expect her to understand...that I’m not the guy that married her and knocked her up. But I am. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.
    My mom shakes her head . “I’m sure this is going to be difficult for her, but she led me to believe at least that this is about Caylen. She hasn’t had a lot of time to digest much of this, but maybe enough to try to understand that you aren’t the man she fell in love with.” My mom’s tone is hopeful. I’m not as optimistic.
     
    Love. She loved him.  I hate to hear that word in the same sentence as him. It makes him real, and he doesn’t deserve the recognition. If I’m going to figure this out or make sure the direction of my life isn’t going straight into the ground, I need to start doing something.
    “ Do you know where she is? Lauren?” I ask.
    “ I told her about the Ritter Inn...” my mom says, grabbing our finished plates from the table.
    “ Actually, Rose confirmed that she checked in after she left,” my mom admits.
    “ I’ll be back to help Dad before noon,” I say, grabbing the keys to my truck off the table.
    “Where are you going this early?”
    “I’m going to try to catch Jenna before she heads to school,” I say, heading out.
    “ Chris. Would you like me to call and schedule with Dr. Lyce?” my mom asks hesitantly.
    “I’ ll be finding a new doctor,” I tell her before leaving out. My parents lied. I have to forgive them. Dexter lied. I expect that from him. But my doctor? Any doctor that would keep something like that from me, I never want to deal with ever again.
    “ Good luck, son,” my mom says before I get in my truck. I’m going to need it.

 
     
    Chapter 4
     
    I pull up to Jenna’s house, and