before. But life was different on the island now. The war had ripped the heart out of the place. A thousand men, dead and gone. Including her own father . Before the war the island had been prosperous and growing more prosperous. Now it was a place of tragedy and open wounds. Arlette had felt restless and out of place for months. Then, one afternoon, watching her daughter staring restlessly out to sea, her mother had taken her hands in hers and said, ‘Now. Go now. I don’t need you any more.’
And so she had. On a soft September day, with no idea what on earth she was going to do once she got here. So, she would take it one step at a time. First a wash. Then some lamb and mint. And then, she supposed, somehow or other, the rest of her life would begin to unfurl, as mysterious and unknown as a well-kept secret.
9
1995
‘IT’S
BEAUTIFUL
,’ BETTY told her mother in a voice full of forced enthusiasm. ‘Really gorgeous. Lovely modern bathroom.’
Her mother sounded unconvinced. ‘I should hope so,’ she said, ‘for that money. And what’s the security like.’
‘The …?’
‘You know. Locks on the doors? That kind of thing?’
‘It’s fine. Locks and chains and everything.’ She had no idea if there were locks and chains and everything, she hadn’t really been paying any attention.
‘And what are the neighbours like?’
Neighbours? ‘You don’t
have
neighbours in Soho, Mum.’
‘Well, the area, then, what’s it like? Is it safe?’
She thought of the group of leering long-haired men outside the pub opposite, who’d just shouted, ‘Hello, blondie,’ to her as she left her flat, and the thumping bass of heavy metal emanating from its open door, and she smiled and said, ‘It feels safe, yes. Safe enough.’
Her mother emitted a long, meaningful sigh.
‘Mum!’ snapped Betty.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘it’s just,
Soho
. Of all the places. You could at least have eased yourself in with a few weeks at Grandma’s. Got a feel for the place.’
‘I’ve just spent the past twelve years of my life living with an old woman. I love my grandma but I do not want to live with her. Not even for a day.’
Her mother sighed again. ‘Fair enough,’ she said. ‘But I can’t help worrying.’
‘Mum, I’m twenty-two years old! All my friends have been living away from home since they were teenagers!’
‘Exactly!’ said her mother. ‘Exactly. They’ve had time to find their feet. Student life is not the same as real life.’
‘I actually think I’m safer here than at Arlette’s house. Out there, on that cliff, all alone. Anything could have happened. At least here I’m insulated.’
‘Yes, but you’re also anonymous. Everyone knew you here. Everyone had an eye open for you. There’s no one there to keep an eye on you.’
‘Well, that’s not true actually …’ She paused to drop another twenty-pence piece into the coin slot. ‘That’s not true. I’ve already made friends with the man who runs the market stall outside my flat. He’ll keep an eye on me. And the girl from the agency, she knows I’m here. That’s two people, and I’ve only been here a couple of hours.’
‘Hmm, well …’ Her mother sounded tired. ‘Just be careful, that’s all. Just be careful. You’re my special girl. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you. I love you so much …’
‘I know, I know.’ Betty swallowed down her distaste for the words. She didn’t want to be loved by her mother, not right now. ‘Look, I’ve run out of coins. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow,’ she said, ‘or maybe the day after.’
‘Tomorrow,’ said her mother. ‘Call me tomorrow.’
‘I’ll try,’ she said. ‘Love to Jolyon. Love to everyone. Bye.’
She hung up as the pips signalled the end of her money.
She exhaled and let herself lean heavily against the wall of the booth . The phone call had been an ordeal. She was not in the mood for having a mother. She wanted to
And so she had. On a soft September day, with no idea what on earth she was going to do once she got here. So, she would take it one step at a time. First a wash. Then some lamb and mint. And then, she supposed, somehow or other, the rest of her life would begin to unfurl, as mysterious and unknown as a well-kept secret.
9
1995
‘IT’S
BEAUTIFUL
,’ BETTY told her mother in a voice full of forced enthusiasm. ‘Really gorgeous. Lovely modern bathroom.’
Her mother sounded unconvinced. ‘I should hope so,’ she said, ‘for that money. And what’s the security like.’
‘The …?’
‘You know. Locks on the doors? That kind of thing?’
‘It’s fine. Locks and chains and everything.’ She had no idea if there were locks and chains and everything, she hadn’t really been paying any attention.
‘And what are the neighbours like?’
Neighbours? ‘You don’t
have
neighbours in Soho, Mum.’
‘Well, the area, then, what’s it like? Is it safe?’
She thought of the group of leering long-haired men outside the pub opposite, who’d just shouted, ‘Hello, blondie,’ to her as she left her flat, and the thumping bass of heavy metal emanating from its open door, and she smiled and said, ‘It feels safe, yes. Safe enough.’
Her mother emitted a long, meaningful sigh.
‘Mum!’ snapped Betty.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘it’s just,
Soho
. Of all the places. You could at least have eased yourself in with a few weeks at Grandma’s. Got a feel for the place.’
‘I’ve just spent the past twelve years of my life living with an old woman. I love my grandma but I do not want to live with her. Not even for a day.’
Her mother sighed again. ‘Fair enough,’ she said. ‘But I can’t help worrying.’
‘Mum, I’m twenty-two years old! All my friends have been living away from home since they were teenagers!’
‘Exactly!’ said her mother. ‘Exactly. They’ve had time to find their feet. Student life is not the same as real life.’
‘I actually think I’m safer here than at Arlette’s house. Out there, on that cliff, all alone. Anything could have happened. At least here I’m insulated.’
‘Yes, but you’re also anonymous. Everyone knew you here. Everyone had an eye open for you. There’s no one there to keep an eye on you.’
‘Well, that’s not true actually …’ She paused to drop another twenty-pence piece into the coin slot. ‘That’s not true. I’ve already made friends with the man who runs the market stall outside my flat. He’ll keep an eye on me. And the girl from the agency, she knows I’m here. That’s two people, and I’ve only been here a couple of hours.’
‘Hmm, well …’ Her mother sounded tired. ‘Just be careful, that’s all. Just be careful. You’re my special girl. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you. I love you so much …’
‘I know, I know.’ Betty swallowed down her distaste for the words. She didn’t want to be loved by her mother, not right now. ‘Look, I’ve run out of coins. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow,’ she said, ‘or maybe the day after.’
‘Tomorrow,’ said her mother. ‘Call me tomorrow.’
‘I’ll try,’ she said. ‘Love to Jolyon. Love to everyone. Bye.’
She hung up as the pips signalled the end of her money.
She exhaled and let herself lean heavily against the wall of the booth . The phone call had been an ordeal. She was not in the mood for having a mother. She wanted to
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