to look back on it as an important, beautiful experience, not an uncomfortable, empty one? Your first time should be special. Of course, even if the first time is an uncomfortable one, over time and with maturity, your sexual experiences can become wonderful. Don’t just give it away.
Abstinence
----
The very best, safest, smartest thing you can do is wait. Waiting is also called abstinence. To abstain means to wait—to hold off.
There are many very positive aspects to waiting: You won’t have to worry about getting pregnant or getting your partner pregnant; you won’t have to worry about getting an STI, including HIV; you won’t have to worry about making a decision every time you go out with someone; you will feel good about living your values; you’ll have something to look forward to; and you will learn to enjoy all the beautiful aspects of romance that don’t involve sexual intercourse.
Why Waiting Can Make Sex Better
Actually, waiting until you are ready to have sex can make the experience better, and here is why. There should be a freedom from inhibition during sex with a trusted partner. Given that sexual arousal stems from a mind-body connection, you do not want unnecessary worries to interrupt your feelings of sexual pleasure. If you move ahead with sex without thinking things through, you might feel self-conscious about what you are doing. You could experience nagging thoughts about catching a disease, about whether you really like this person enough, about becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant. It will disrupt your ability to stay aroused or have an orgasm. 1 If nothing else, it certainly will put a damper on thesatisfaction you could have if you waited to have sex at the right time, in the right type of relationship.
Taking an Abstinence Pledge
If you are a member of a religious congregation, you may have been taught the value of abstinence. Some religious groups ask their young congregants to take an “abstinence pledge” to remain virgins until they are married.
It is important to pay attention to the values you have been brought up with. Beginning at this stage of your life, it is good to give a lot of thought to those values and what they mean—especially what they mean for you. To stick to those values, you need to make them your own, not just go along because some adult told you to.
Knowledge Is Power
Even if you have never had sex, even if you have taken an abstinence pledge, it is important to be fully informed about how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. These are just normal parts of life that you need to know about, and now is the time to learn, if you haven’t already. There is a wise saying, “Knowledge is power.” The more you understand about something, the more power you have to handle it when the time comes.
Becoming Turned On
----
What exactly is going on when you become turned on? Enjoying any type of sexual experience, from kissing to havingintercourse, involves changes in your level of physical arousal. The first stage is really mental. They say the brain is the largest sex organ. It relates to your overall mood, your level of attraction to a person, and your feelings about starting sexual activity with that person.
If you are really turned on, your brain sends messages to your organs. Your blood pressure changes, your heartbeat may go up, and there is increased blood flow to your genitals. Even your skin feels more sensitive. Boys achieve erections and girls experience vaginal lubrication and expansion of the vaginal canal. (See Chapters 4 and 5 for explanations of your body’s reproductive parts.) Girls will also find that their clitoris becomes larger and their nipples may become erect. People usually maintain this state of pleasurable arousal for some time until either they reach a climax (an orgasm) or they discontinue their sexual activity. As I said before, if you do not feel aroused, stop what you are doing. The time or the
Abstinence
----
The very best, safest, smartest thing you can do is wait. Waiting is also called abstinence. To abstain means to wait—to hold off.
There are many very positive aspects to waiting: You won’t have to worry about getting pregnant or getting your partner pregnant; you won’t have to worry about getting an STI, including HIV; you won’t have to worry about making a decision every time you go out with someone; you will feel good about living your values; you’ll have something to look forward to; and you will learn to enjoy all the beautiful aspects of romance that don’t involve sexual intercourse.
Why Waiting Can Make Sex Better
Actually, waiting until you are ready to have sex can make the experience better, and here is why. There should be a freedom from inhibition during sex with a trusted partner. Given that sexual arousal stems from a mind-body connection, you do not want unnecessary worries to interrupt your feelings of sexual pleasure. If you move ahead with sex without thinking things through, you might feel self-conscious about what you are doing. You could experience nagging thoughts about catching a disease, about whether you really like this person enough, about becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant. It will disrupt your ability to stay aroused or have an orgasm. 1 If nothing else, it certainly will put a damper on thesatisfaction you could have if you waited to have sex at the right time, in the right type of relationship.
Taking an Abstinence Pledge
If you are a member of a religious congregation, you may have been taught the value of abstinence. Some religious groups ask their young congregants to take an “abstinence pledge” to remain virgins until they are married.
It is important to pay attention to the values you have been brought up with. Beginning at this stage of your life, it is good to give a lot of thought to those values and what they mean—especially what they mean for you. To stick to those values, you need to make them your own, not just go along because some adult told you to.
Knowledge Is Power
Even if you have never had sex, even if you have taken an abstinence pledge, it is important to be fully informed about how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. These are just normal parts of life that you need to know about, and now is the time to learn, if you haven’t already. There is a wise saying, “Knowledge is power.” The more you understand about something, the more power you have to handle it when the time comes.
Becoming Turned On
----
What exactly is going on when you become turned on? Enjoying any type of sexual experience, from kissing to havingintercourse, involves changes in your level of physical arousal. The first stage is really mental. They say the brain is the largest sex organ. It relates to your overall mood, your level of attraction to a person, and your feelings about starting sexual activity with that person.
If you are really turned on, your brain sends messages to your organs. Your blood pressure changes, your heartbeat may go up, and there is increased blood flow to your genitals. Even your skin feels more sensitive. Boys achieve erections and girls experience vaginal lubrication and expansion of the vaginal canal. (See Chapters 4 and 5 for explanations of your body’s reproductive parts.) Girls will also find that their clitoris becomes larger and their nipples may become erect. People usually maintain this state of pleasurable arousal for some time until either they reach a climax (an orgasm) or they discontinue their sexual activity. As I said before, if you do not feel aroused, stop what you are doing. The time or the
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