Big Breasts and Wide Hips by Mo Yan Page A

back of yours …” A strange smile creased his face.
    â€œUp your mother’s ass!” Shangguan Lü cursed as she thumped him on the back. “Don’t go, Three. We’re talking about not just one, but two lives here. That stud horse is your son, which makes this donkey your daughter-in-law, and the mule in her belly your grandson. Do what you can. If the mule lives, I’ll thank you
and
reward you. If it dies, I’ll blame my own meager fate, not you.”
    â€œYou’ve gone and made these four-legged creatures my family,” Fan Three said unhappily, “so what can I say? I’ll see if I can bring this half-dead donkey back to the land of the living.”
    â€œThat’s right, why listen to the ravings of that crazy Sima? What would the Japanese want with a backwater village like ours? Besides, by doing this, you’ll be storing up virtues, and the ghosts always steer clear of the virtuous.”
    Fan Three opened his bag and took out a bottle filled with an oily green liquid. “This is a secret family tonic, handed down for generations. It works miraculously on breech births and other obstetric irregularities in animals. If this doesn’t do it, even the magical Monkey couldn’t bring that animal into the world. Sir,” he summoned Shangguan Shouxi, “come over here and lend a hand.”
    â€œI’ll do it,” Shangguan Lü said. “He’s a clumsy oaf.”
    Fan Three said, “The Shangguan hen goes and blames the rooster for not laying eggs.”
    â€œIf you have to insult someone, Third Younger Brother,” Shangguan Fulu said, “do it to my face, and don’t beat around the bush.”
    â€œIs that anger I hear?” Fan Three asked.
    â€œThis is no time to bicker,” Shangguan Lü said. “What shall I do?”
    â€œRaise the donkey’s head,” he said. “I’m going to give it the tonic.”
    Shangguan Lü spread her legs, mustered her strength, and picked up the donkey’s head. The animal stirred; bursts of air snorted from its nostrils.
    â€œHigher!” Fan Three said.
    She strained to lift it higher; bursts of air were now snorting from her nostrils, too.
    â€œAre you two dead or alive?” Fan Three complained.
    The two Shangguan men rushed up to help, and nearly tripped over the donkey’s legs. Shangguan Lü rolled her eyes; Fan Three shook his head. Finally, they got the donkey’s head up high enough. It curled its lips back and showed its teeth. Fan Three stuck a funnel made of an ox horn into the animal’s mouth and emptied the contents of the bottle into it. “That’ll do it,” Fan said. “You can lower its head.”
    As Shangguan Lü tried to catch her breath, Fan Three took out his pipe, filled it, and hunkered down to smoke. Two streams of white smoke quickly exited through his nostrils. “The Japanese took the county town and murdered the county chief, Zhang Weihan, then raped all the women in his family.”
    â€œDid you hear that from the Simas?” Shangguan Lü asked him.
    â€œNo, my sworn brother told me. He lives near Eastgate in the county seat.”
    Shangguan Lü said, “The truth never travels more than ten li.”
    â€œSima Ku took the family servants to set fires on the bridge,” Shangguan Shouxi said. “That’s more than a rumor.”
    Shangguan Lü looked at her son angrily. “I never hear an encouraging, proper sentence from that mouth of yours, and you never tire of spouting nonsense and rumors. Fancy you, a man and the father of a large brood of children, and I can’t tell if that thing on your shoulders is a head or an empty gourd. Haven’t any of you considered the fact that Japanese have mothers and fathers, just like everybody else? There’s no bad blood between them and us common folk, so what are they going to do with us? Run off? Do you think you