Big Fat Disaster by Beth Fehlbaum Page A

call to check on the girls since he left! I’ve been trying to find out how I’m supposed to get Rachel moved two thousand miles to college. I’ve never driven a truck with a trailer.
I’ve
never been on a long trip like that by myself. Reese won’t call me back! Then
you
show up today and announce that Dale’s taking his place. It’s like I’m at the mercy of the choices he makes, and I’ve about had enough!”
    Grandma matches Mom’s loudness. “There you go
again
! I’m telling you, you
cannot
keep saying things like that!” She lowers her voice and hisses, “Especially not so that others can hear you! Answer my question, please: I asked what
you
are doing to make him
want
to come home.”
    I don’t even feel my feet move from the hallway to the kitchen: My rage has me rocket-powered. “Stop it, Grandma! Leave Mom alone! It’s not her fault that Dad left!”
    Mom holds up a hand. “Colby, you don’t need to defend me. I’m a big girl.”
    “Speaking of ‘big girl’…” Grandma looks me up and down. “How much do you weigh now?”
    I clench my fists and lean forward. “That’s none of your fucking business! Have
you
looked in the mirror lately?”
    Grandma springs out of her chair really fast for an old lady and slaps me hard. I spin on my heel and stomp toward my room, with Mom hot on my trail. I try to slam my door, but she lurches forward and snatches hold of my upper arm with a death grip. Her eyes are blazing.
    “
How dare
you speak to your grandmother that way? Where did you even learn that word?”
    “Are you on crack, Mom? I live in the real world. I hear that word every day at school. It’s in the music I listen to, it’s—”
    Mom sputters, “
Crack
? Are you—is that…What music? Well, you’re certainly not going to listen to it anymore!” She steps into my room and snatches my iPod off my dresser.
    “Mom! Didn’t you hear what Grandma said? How can you be mad at
me
after everything
she
said to you?” I’m furious at myself for starting to cry.
    “You were
eavesdropping
?” Her face turns bright red, and she swallows hard. “What is the matter with you, Colby Diane? You used to be such an obedient girl!” She moves to the hallway, my iPod cord dangling from her hand.
    “No, I wasn’t!” I yell. “I was
never
the obedient one. That’s Drew! And I was never the perfect one. That’s Rachel! You’d swear that I’m Aunt Leah’s child, remember? I’m the one who doesn’t fit!”
    I slam my door and lock it, then throw myself face-down on my bed and scream into my pillow until my head feels like it’s going to explode. I sob so hard that I’m sure I’m going to throw up.
    Later, somebody—I think it’s Drew—knocks on my door, but I can’t hear what she’s saying over the racket I’m making. Finally, I fall asleep.

    I wake and think it’s morning, but my clock radio reads 6:18 P.M. I ease open my door and peer down the hall. Silence. I pop into the bathroom and study the bright red handprint Grandma left on my cheek.
    I tiptoe toward the kitchen and stick my head around the corner. There’s a note taped to the cabinet.
    Colby~
    We’ve gone to grab something to eat with Grandma. Guess you were asleep. Will bring you something back.
    Mom
    I pull the tub of chocolate chip cookie dough out of the freezer and pop it in the microwave for a few minutes to soften it up. Then I grab a spoon, snatch the dough from the oven, and go back to my room. I lock my door just in case everyone comes back, and settle on the floor among the cardboard boxes and garbage bags that hold pieces of my life.
    I shovel in heaping spoonfuls of lukewarm dough and I don’t feel a thing—not the horror of finding the photo, not the deep-seated shame of being the one who told, not the indescribable ache of my dad leaving us. I don’t even think about the way my mom lets me know in a hundred tiny ways that she doesn’t like me, much less love me. I’m a numb mound of cells until I