about it. “Well if you’re not, then why do you support this agenda?” He had no answers, breathing deeply and putting his hands up I had all the answers I needed.
My hands were shaking as I put on my shoes.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going home where I won’t be lied to.”
“I didn’t lie...I just didn’t want to tell you. I don’t talk about work.” Maybe I was being unreasonable, or maybe it was the times, or possibly it was my shock from seeing that gun and the badge but whatever it was, I was done.
“Look...I’ll see you in class. No need to call me.” I told him, grabbing my things and walking out. My Mom told me to never date a cop and I broke the rule. My Dad told me never to date a white man and I had abolished his warning. Now I was outside, walking in the dark to the nearest bus stop with a cracked heart and a backpack full of books. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
8
Black
I got home , took a shower, and went straight to sleep. My head was pounding but most of all my heart was hurting. Somehow I kind of fell for the guy, my mind is a little fairy tale-ish to where I think that things are more than they are.
I know I was asking a lot for him to tell me who the officer was, but what if he was like one of them? What if he was a racist asshole and was only fucking me to get some brown sugar that he could brag and talk to his police officer friends about. I felt so stupid and the first thing I saw in the morning was a text from him.
“I’m sorry...I hope you understand why I can’t tell.” I definitely understood. There are some things you just don’t talk about.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a cop?” I shot back to him.
“Technically I’m not.” I felt like we were playing games. But just as I was about to reply my Dad called.
“Hey Daddy…”
“What is this I hear about you and a white guy?” I felt like my heart had exploded.
“What are you talking about?”
“I ran into Joe down at the loft. He was waiting outside when I left and he said he just saw you with a guy you introduced as your boyfriend.” I wanted to die right then and there.
“Daddy, I’m done with Joe. I just said that so he would leave me alone.” I surprised myself with that lie. It was partly true but I really was ”doing” a white boy.
“So you're not with some white man?” My headache started to slowly come back.
“No father…” That’s what I called him when I got annoyed.
“I was so mad that I went and got a hotel.” I fell back on my bed wishing I could just evaporate into the sheets.
“No Dad...Joe shouldn’t have come and spoken to you but no, I’m not dating a white guy.”
“Well good, if you ever did you know your mother would spin in her grave.” Why did he have to say all this shit?
“Dad, I gotta go.”
“Alright, I’m at the Blakemoor downtown. Deidra is here too. We should all go to dinner.” I would have rather let him believe I was with a white man than eat dinner with Deidra.
“Ok, sounds good.”
“Oh and you know they announced the cop today right?”
“No, what is his name.”
“Jason Miller. Some damn dude that’s already been cited before for excessive force.” That didn’t surprise me. “But I’ll let you go. Got a meeting with some church members today. The prosecutor is supposed to announce whether he will press charges later tonight.”
“Wow okay.” Things were moving quicker than I thought.
“Okay. Talk to you later.”
Looking at my phone, Brian had sent a few more texts.
“I really want to see you today. I have to work tonight.”
“I don’t know about that. I need some time to digest things.” I really did need time. I wasn’t sure about any of this.
“I hope you knowing about me being a cop doesn’t change things.” Things...what things? All we had between us was sex and studying but more sex than anything. Yet I did like to be around him. His sarcasm was a relief to my stressed out
My hands were shaking as I put on my shoes.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going home where I won’t be lied to.”
“I didn’t lie...I just didn’t want to tell you. I don’t talk about work.” Maybe I was being unreasonable, or maybe it was the times, or possibly it was my shock from seeing that gun and the badge but whatever it was, I was done.
“Look...I’ll see you in class. No need to call me.” I told him, grabbing my things and walking out. My Mom told me to never date a cop and I broke the rule. My Dad told me never to date a white man and I had abolished his warning. Now I was outside, walking in the dark to the nearest bus stop with a cracked heart and a backpack full of books. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
8
Black
I got home , took a shower, and went straight to sleep. My head was pounding but most of all my heart was hurting. Somehow I kind of fell for the guy, my mind is a little fairy tale-ish to where I think that things are more than they are.
I know I was asking a lot for him to tell me who the officer was, but what if he was like one of them? What if he was a racist asshole and was only fucking me to get some brown sugar that he could brag and talk to his police officer friends about. I felt so stupid and the first thing I saw in the morning was a text from him.
“I’m sorry...I hope you understand why I can’t tell.” I definitely understood. There are some things you just don’t talk about.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a cop?” I shot back to him.
“Technically I’m not.” I felt like we were playing games. But just as I was about to reply my Dad called.
“Hey Daddy…”
“What is this I hear about you and a white guy?” I felt like my heart had exploded.
“What are you talking about?”
“I ran into Joe down at the loft. He was waiting outside when I left and he said he just saw you with a guy you introduced as your boyfriend.” I wanted to die right then and there.
“Daddy, I’m done with Joe. I just said that so he would leave me alone.” I surprised myself with that lie. It was partly true but I really was ”doing” a white boy.
“So you're not with some white man?” My headache started to slowly come back.
“No father…” That’s what I called him when I got annoyed.
“I was so mad that I went and got a hotel.” I fell back on my bed wishing I could just evaporate into the sheets.
“No Dad...Joe shouldn’t have come and spoken to you but no, I’m not dating a white guy.”
“Well good, if you ever did you know your mother would spin in her grave.” Why did he have to say all this shit?
“Dad, I gotta go.”
“Alright, I’m at the Blakemoor downtown. Deidra is here too. We should all go to dinner.” I would have rather let him believe I was with a white man than eat dinner with Deidra.
“Ok, sounds good.”
“Oh and you know they announced the cop today right?”
“No, what is his name.”
“Jason Miller. Some damn dude that’s already been cited before for excessive force.” That didn’t surprise me. “But I’ll let you go. Got a meeting with some church members today. The prosecutor is supposed to announce whether he will press charges later tonight.”
“Wow okay.” Things were moving quicker than I thought.
“Okay. Talk to you later.”
Looking at my phone, Brian had sent a few more texts.
“I really want to see you today. I have to work tonight.”
“I don’t know about that. I need some time to digest things.” I really did need time. I wasn’t sure about any of this.
“I hope you knowing about me being a cop doesn’t change things.” Things...what things? All we had between us was sex and studying but more sex than anything. Yet I did like to be around him. His sarcasm was a relief to my stressed out
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