Black Mischief by Evelyn Waugh Page A

said: ‘One of the things which brought me here this morning was to
find Out if there was any News. If I could take back something certain to the
town … You cannot imagine the distress everyone is in … It is the silence
for so many weeks and the rumours. Up here you must at least know what is going
on.’
    ‘News,’
said the Envoy Extraordinary. ‘News. Well, we’ve generally got quite a lot
going on. Let’s see, when were you here last? You knew that the Anstruthers
have decided to enter David for Uppingham? Very sensible of them, I think. And
Percy Legge’s sister in England is going to be married — the one who was out
here staying with them last year —you remember her? Betty Anstruther got run
away with and had a nasty fall the other morning. I thought that pony was too
strong for the child. What else is there to tell the Bishop, my dear?’
    ‘The
Legges’ Frigidaire is broken and they can’t get it mended until after the war.
Poor Captain Walsh has been laid up with fever again. Prudence began another
novel the other day … or wasn’t I to tell about that, darling?’
    ‘You
certainly were not to. And anyway it isn’t a novel. It’s a Panorama of Life. Oh,
I’ve got some news for all of you. Percy scored twelve-hundred-and-eighty at
bagatelle this morning.’
    ‘No, I
say,’ said Sir Samson, ‘did he really?’
    ‘Oh,
but that was on the chancery table,’ said William. ‘I don’t count that. We’ve
all made colossal scores there. The pins are bent. I still call my
eleven-hundred-and-sixty-five at the Anstruthers’ a record.’
    For
some minutes they discussed the demerits of the chancery bagatelle table.
Presently the Bishop said:
    ‘But is
there no news about the war?’
    ‘No, I
don’t think so. Can’t remember anything particularly. I leave all that to
Walsh, you know, and he’s down with fever at the moment. I dare say when he
comes back we shall hear something. He keeps in touch with all these local
affairs … There were some cables the other day, now I come to think of it.
Was there anything about the war in them, William, d’you know?’
    ‘I
can’t really say, sir. The truth is we’ve lost the Cipher book again.’
    ‘Awful
fellow, William, he’s always losing things. What would you say if you had a
chaplain like that, Bishop? Well, as soon as it turns up, get them deciphered,
will you? There might be something wanting an answer.’
    ‘Yes,
sir.’
    ‘Oh,
and William — I think you ought to get those pins put straight on the chancery
bagatelle board. It’s an awful waste of time playing if it doesn’t run true.’
     
     
    ‘Golly,’ said William to
Prudence when they were alone. ‘Wasn’t the Envoy on a high horse at luncheon. Telling
me off right and left. First about the cipher book and then about the
bagatelle. Too humiliating.’
    ‘Poor
sweet, he was only showing off to the Bishop. He’s probably frightfully ashamed
of himself already.’
    ‘That’s
all very well, but why should I be made to look a fool just so as he can
impress the Bishop?’
    ‘Sweet,
sweet William, please don’t be in a rage. It isn’t my fault if I have a
martinet for a father, is it, darling? Listen, I’ve got a whole lot of new
ideas for us to try.’
     
     
    The Legges and the
Anstruthers came across to tea: cucumber sandwiches, gentleman’s relish, hot
scones and seed-cake.
    ‘How’s
Betty after her fall?’
    ‘Rather
shaken, poor mite. Arthur wants her to start riding again as soon as she can.
He’s afraid she may lose her nerve permanently.’
    ‘But
not on Majesty.’
    ‘No, we
hope Percy will lend her Jumbo for a bit. She can’t really manage Majesty yet,
you know.’
    ‘More
tea, Bishop? How is everyone at the Mission?’
    ‘Oh
dear, how bare the garden is looking. It really is heart-breaking. This is just
the time it should be at its best. But all the antirrhinums are in the bag,
heaven knows where.’
    ‘This
war is too exasperating. I’ve been