responsible for what happens when you’re under the influence. He took advantage of you.”
I sat back against the headboard and crossed my arms over my chest. “If you’re trying to make me laugh, it’s not going to work.”
“Oh, really? Then why is the corner of your mouth twitching.”
I did laugh then, but it felt very wrong, like I was betraying Zach’s feelings yet again. I still hadn’t figured out what possessed me to break up with him when there was no logical reason for doing so . There wasn’t a reason at all! What I had was t his inexplicable crush on John. And it wasn’t like he was the first . I’d had plenty of crushes on guys while dating Zach. I mean, I was only human.
Seeing me squirming on the hook, Olivia went to my desk and came back with a spiral notebook and pen. “So you broke up with Zach, right?”
I nodded, wondering what she had in mind.
“And you seem pretty miserable about it.”
I nodded again.
“Okay. Let’s make a pros and cons list. Maybe this will help determine whether or not you should stay broken up.”
“All right,” I said, figuring it was the best idea anyone had had so far.
Olivia bit off the cap and spit it out on the duvet like a wad of chewed gum. I looked meaningfully at it and flicked it away, but Olivia just rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
“Okay. Let’s start with the pros,” she said. “What did, or rather, do , you like about Zach?”
“Well, he’s nice,” I said without hesitation.
And it was true. Zach was easily the nicest guy I knew. Everyone at school adored him. His parents were convinced he could do no wrong. My parents thought he hung the moon.
Olivia waved her hand . “That’s way too general, Blake. Be more specific. What about him is nice?”
I picked up Brown Bear and put him on my belly , drawing strength from his big vacant eyes. I rubbed the remnants of his paper-thin tag between my thumb and middle finger for inspiration. It was something I’d done for as long as I could remember, like how some kids suck their thumb or twist their hair.
Olivia grabbed B ear and chucked him over her shoulder. “Stop that and pay attention.”
“Hey!” I scooted off the bed and found him , paws-over-head, in the corner. I hugged him close to my chest . “Did that mean old wady hurt you? Poor widdle , biddy baby.”
Olivia stuck her finger in her mouth and made a gagging sound . “Concentrate, Blake. Do you want my help or not? ‘ Cause I really think you need it. ”
I put Brown Bear back in his spot of honor on the shelf and sat down on the bed again. “All right, I’m being totally serious now. The pros. Let’s see.” I rubbed my hands together in thought. “For one thing, John is really cute.”
Olivia stopped writing and looked up at me, her blue eyes wide. She tapped the end of the pen on the paper. “Did you hear what you just said? We’re not talking about John. We’re talking about Zach. The boy you claim to love? The boy you’ve been dating since the ninth grade? ”
“Right. That’s what I meant to say. Zach is really cute. And another thing,” I added quickly to compensate, “is that Zach is smart. He’s in the top ten - percent of our class. I like intelligent men, and who knows what kind of grades John makes?”
Olivia looked up at me again and shook her head, her forehead wrinkling. “Blake, we’re not trying to decide which guy you should choose. We’re trying to decide if you should get back together with Zach. Is there something else going on here?”
I huffed in exasperation. “No. Maybe. I don’t know!”
Olivia put down the notebook and pen, and then folded her hands primly in her lap. “Did something happen between you and John today other than what I saw with my own two eyes? Did you two, you know . . . make out ?”
I huffed again and stood up at once, beginning to pace the floor of my room. “He kissed me, all right?” I said, my voice rising in indignation. “I
I sat back against the headboard and crossed my arms over my chest. “If you’re trying to make me laugh, it’s not going to work.”
“Oh, really? Then why is the corner of your mouth twitching.”
I did laugh then, but it felt very wrong, like I was betraying Zach’s feelings yet again. I still hadn’t figured out what possessed me to break up with him when there was no logical reason for doing so . There wasn’t a reason at all! What I had was t his inexplicable crush on John. And it wasn’t like he was the first . I’d had plenty of crushes on guys while dating Zach. I mean, I was only human.
Seeing me squirming on the hook, Olivia went to my desk and came back with a spiral notebook and pen. “So you broke up with Zach, right?”
I nodded, wondering what she had in mind.
“And you seem pretty miserable about it.”
I nodded again.
“Okay. Let’s make a pros and cons list. Maybe this will help determine whether or not you should stay broken up.”
“All right,” I said, figuring it was the best idea anyone had had so far.
Olivia bit off the cap and spit it out on the duvet like a wad of chewed gum. I looked meaningfully at it and flicked it away, but Olivia just rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
“Okay. Let’s start with the pros,” she said. “What did, or rather, do , you like about Zach?”
“Well, he’s nice,” I said without hesitation.
And it was true. Zach was easily the nicest guy I knew. Everyone at school adored him. His parents were convinced he could do no wrong. My parents thought he hung the moon.
Olivia waved her hand . “That’s way too general, Blake. Be more specific. What about him is nice?”
I picked up Brown Bear and put him on my belly , drawing strength from his big vacant eyes. I rubbed the remnants of his paper-thin tag between my thumb and middle finger for inspiration. It was something I’d done for as long as I could remember, like how some kids suck their thumb or twist their hair.
Olivia grabbed B ear and chucked him over her shoulder. “Stop that and pay attention.”
“Hey!” I scooted off the bed and found him , paws-over-head, in the corner. I hugged him close to my chest . “Did that mean old wady hurt you? Poor widdle , biddy baby.”
Olivia stuck her finger in her mouth and made a gagging sound . “Concentrate, Blake. Do you want my help or not? ‘ Cause I really think you need it. ”
I put Brown Bear back in his spot of honor on the shelf and sat down on the bed again. “All right, I’m being totally serious now. The pros. Let’s see.” I rubbed my hands together in thought. “For one thing, John is really cute.”
Olivia stopped writing and looked up at me, her blue eyes wide. She tapped the end of the pen on the paper. “Did you hear what you just said? We’re not talking about John. We’re talking about Zach. The boy you claim to love? The boy you’ve been dating since the ninth grade? ”
“Right. That’s what I meant to say. Zach is really cute. And another thing,” I added quickly to compensate, “is that Zach is smart. He’s in the top ten - percent of our class. I like intelligent men, and who knows what kind of grades John makes?”
Olivia looked up at me again and shook her head, her forehead wrinkling. “Blake, we’re not trying to decide which guy you should choose. We’re trying to decide if you should get back together with Zach. Is there something else going on here?”
I huffed in exasperation. “No. Maybe. I don’t know!”
Olivia put down the notebook and pen, and then folded her hands primly in her lap. “Did something happen between you and John today other than what I saw with my own two eyes? Did you two, you know . . . make out ?”
I huffed again and stood up at once, beginning to pace the floor of my room. “He kissed me, all right?” I said, my voice rising in indignation. “I
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