piercing eyes, I stood immobilized as his funereal voice resounded in my ears.
“Don’t go near Mariya again.”
When he disappeared from sight, I was finally able to move again and sweat broke out all over my body.
What had just happened? Who was that guy?
And where did he get off telling me not to go near Mr. Mariya?
I wanted to go back to the music room and put the screws to Mr. Mariya about it, but the guy was still nearby. I felt his dark eyes glaring at me and I got scared.
In the end, after all my hesitation, I went to the library.
Kotobuki worked busily behind the desk.
“Sorry. The other girl who’s on duty was out today. Just give me a second.”
“I’ll be in the reading area, then.”
“You look kind of spacey, Inoue.”
“Nah, not really.”
The guy’s voice and glare still lingered in my mind. I couldn’t talk to Kotobuki about it, about how I was jerking her around.
Just then, from somewhere nearby, I heard that same voice from moments ago.
“Kotobuki? I can take care of the rest. You can go home.”
A student wearing glasses, surrounded by a somber air, appeared silently next to Kotobuki, and I shuddered.
“But you’re not on duty today, Omi.”
“There’s not much left to do, so I can take over. There’s someone waiting for you.”
Kotobuki stole a glance at me.
I stood rooted to the spot, bloodcurdling thoughts running through my head.
“Well…I guess you can have the keys. Thanks, Omi.”
“Sure. Bye.”
He sent us off with a gruff look.
“Was that guy a first-year? What’s his name?” I asked as we walked down the hall, desperately hiding how rattled I was.
“You mean Omi? His name’s Shiro. Yeah, he’s a first-year.”
“I’ve never seen him at the library before. He works there, right?”
“Maybe ’cos he was out for the whole first semester. He’s a little frail.”
“…Are you guys friends?”
“What? Of course not. He’s so quiet. Even when it’s his shift, he hardly talks at all!”
She denied it fervently, her face red. When I saw how Kotobuki was acting, I remembered what Omi said to me and felt like my chest was being crushed.
“You’re…glossing over things with your smile. You hurt others so you don’t get hurt yourself.”
“It’s not that guys like you don’t notice. You just don’t want to know.”
I remembered the way Kotobuki had looked at me when I’d gone to visit her at the hospital. And then the tears she’d shown me at rehearsal for the play…
“You may not remember it, but I…in middle school, I…”
“You…hate me. You won’t be open with me.”
“I’m sure you don’t remember. But it meant a lot to me. So I went to see you again after that. Over and over, all through the winter. Every day.”
Her words, her tears, that vulnerable look—what they had meant.
What Kotobuki had so desperately wanted to tell me—maybe I had been refusing to think about it.
Because for me, there was only one girl in the world, only Miu, and I would never be able to love like that again, focusing all of my emotions on someone.
I couldn’t have strong feelings like that for anyone but Miu.
But then wasn’t it cruel to be with Kotobuki like this?
Kotobuki was sad about the disappearance of her best friend, so wasn’t my desire to help nothing but smug hypocrisy because I didn’t want to be a bad person? If the worst should happen, was I prepared to help Kotobuki with her pain?
As I thought these things over, they dug into my chest, and it felt like they would knock the breath out of me.
Even though I could feel Kotobuki torturously stealing glances at me as I gritted my teeth, my face tense, it didn’t change anything. It took everything I had to talk about the weather, my words horribly wooden—“Sure is cold today”—and I just felt awkward.
By the time we reached Mito’s house, we were both completely silent.
The nameplate had toppled off the wall, the lights were out, and the
“Don’t go near Mariya again.”
When he disappeared from sight, I was finally able to move again and sweat broke out all over my body.
What had just happened? Who was that guy?
And where did he get off telling me not to go near Mr. Mariya?
I wanted to go back to the music room and put the screws to Mr. Mariya about it, but the guy was still nearby. I felt his dark eyes glaring at me and I got scared.
In the end, after all my hesitation, I went to the library.
Kotobuki worked busily behind the desk.
“Sorry. The other girl who’s on duty was out today. Just give me a second.”
“I’ll be in the reading area, then.”
“You look kind of spacey, Inoue.”
“Nah, not really.”
The guy’s voice and glare still lingered in my mind. I couldn’t talk to Kotobuki about it, about how I was jerking her around.
Just then, from somewhere nearby, I heard that same voice from moments ago.
“Kotobuki? I can take care of the rest. You can go home.”
A student wearing glasses, surrounded by a somber air, appeared silently next to Kotobuki, and I shuddered.
“But you’re not on duty today, Omi.”
“There’s not much left to do, so I can take over. There’s someone waiting for you.”
Kotobuki stole a glance at me.
I stood rooted to the spot, bloodcurdling thoughts running through my head.
“Well…I guess you can have the keys. Thanks, Omi.”
“Sure. Bye.”
He sent us off with a gruff look.
“Was that guy a first-year? What’s his name?” I asked as we walked down the hall, desperately hiding how rattled I was.
“You mean Omi? His name’s Shiro. Yeah, he’s a first-year.”
“I’ve never seen him at the library before. He works there, right?”
“Maybe ’cos he was out for the whole first semester. He’s a little frail.”
“…Are you guys friends?”
“What? Of course not. He’s so quiet. Even when it’s his shift, he hardly talks at all!”
She denied it fervently, her face red. When I saw how Kotobuki was acting, I remembered what Omi said to me and felt like my chest was being crushed.
“You’re…glossing over things with your smile. You hurt others so you don’t get hurt yourself.”
“It’s not that guys like you don’t notice. You just don’t want to know.”
I remembered the way Kotobuki had looked at me when I’d gone to visit her at the hospital. And then the tears she’d shown me at rehearsal for the play…
“You may not remember it, but I…in middle school, I…”
“You…hate me. You won’t be open with me.”
“I’m sure you don’t remember. But it meant a lot to me. So I went to see you again after that. Over and over, all through the winter. Every day.”
Her words, her tears, that vulnerable look—what they had meant.
What Kotobuki had so desperately wanted to tell me—maybe I had been refusing to think about it.
Because for me, there was only one girl in the world, only Miu, and I would never be able to love like that again, focusing all of my emotions on someone.
I couldn’t have strong feelings like that for anyone but Miu.
But then wasn’t it cruel to be with Kotobuki like this?
Kotobuki was sad about the disappearance of her best friend, so wasn’t my desire to help nothing but smug hypocrisy because I didn’t want to be a bad person? If the worst should happen, was I prepared to help Kotobuki with her pain?
As I thought these things over, they dug into my chest, and it felt like they would knock the breath out of me.
Even though I could feel Kotobuki torturously stealing glances at me as I gritted my teeth, my face tense, it didn’t change anything. It took everything I had to talk about the weather, my words horribly wooden—“Sure is cold today”—and I just felt awkward.
By the time we reached Mito’s house, we were both completely silent.
The nameplate had toppled off the wall, the lights were out, and the
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