harsh and angry sounding. “You did not just say that. You are Japanese. If anyone could understand what family, and duty, and expectation mean, it should be you. Just because you aren’t expected to be a martial arts master doesn’t mean you haven’t been exposed to the ideology. I cannot walk away. I was duty bound from the moment my first gi was bought.”
“You are as free as you want to be. You aren’t living in feudal Japan. The control your father has over you is in your mind and in your heart, because you love him and don’t want to disappoint him. What you have to remember is that he loves you too. He wants you to be happy.”
I snorted. “You obviously don’t know my father. My happiness is the last thing on his mind.”
“If your happiness isn’t his first concern, you owe him nothing. You’re an adult, and your happiness is your responsibility.”
He was right. I was an adult, and my happiness was my responsibility. I needed to start acting like it. He rolled onto his side, and I followed his movement and spooned against his warmth, tucking my thighs and knees in the warm shadow of his. I wrapped my arms around his middle, and his arms slid over mine.
“This is nice,” he whispered. “I could get used to this.”
I could too . “Will you be flying back to California tomorrow?”
“My parents and sister will. I live here in Las Vegas.”
I bolted, sitting up. “You live here?” I realized immediately it sounded accusing and I sounded panicked, but I couldn’t help it. How had I been so stupid? Why didn’t I ask? Why did I assume?
He sat up to face me, and in the dark I could make out his features. “Is that a problem?”
“Yes.” I jumped from the bed and started putting on my clothes. “I have to get ready to run with my dad. You should have left before now!”
Shiro stood too and stopped my actions by grabbing my shoulders. “What just happened?”
“Nothing. Nothing happened. We had fun. I’m glad you stopped by.”
“Stopped by?” he demanded, sounding astounded. “We just made love for four hours. I call that a little more than stopping by.”
“Made love?” I repeated. “Why give sex a fancy name? It was great, but—”
He moved closer. “I didn’t have sex with you. My soul communed with your soul. You can deny feeling anything, but deep down I know you felt that .”
I shook my head, but denying that something special had happened was impossible. My throat clogged with emotion.
“I want to see you again. I want to see you as often as I can see you. Please don’t push me away.”
He leaned closer, like he was going to kiss me, but didn’t, and the gap between our lips was agonizing. I bit my bottom lip and forced back emotion. “You should go.”
He dropped his face and whispered, “Damn,” against my shoulder. His warm breath on my skin sent a shiver down my spine. And then he released me.
I couldn’t watch him dress. I closed my eyes and stood there shaking because something real had passed between us, and while I didn’t know anything about souls comingling—hell, I didn’t even know if I had a soul—I did know I wanted to feel whatever it was again.
When the hotel door closed softly behind him, I whispered, “Damn,” and then I allowed myself to cry. Again. After years of not shedding a single tear, I was sure turning into a blubbering idiot.
Chapter Six
We ran in silence. It was dark when we hit the sidewalk, although in Las Vegas the sidewalks are never less than brightly lit. We ran past casinos and movie theaters, storefronts, and gas stations.
My father was pissed. Still. It went without saying, so in essence the silence was good, because it meant neither of us was yelling. It also meant none of the things I needed to say were said, so by the time I finally got to class…
If I said I wasn’t having a very good day, it wouldn’t be a lie. The truth was, and the part that was hurting me to the core was, that I felt like I
“You are as free as you want to be. You aren’t living in feudal Japan. The control your father has over you is in your mind and in your heart, because you love him and don’t want to disappoint him. What you have to remember is that he loves you too. He wants you to be happy.”
I snorted. “You obviously don’t know my father. My happiness is the last thing on his mind.”
“If your happiness isn’t his first concern, you owe him nothing. You’re an adult, and your happiness is your responsibility.”
He was right. I was an adult, and my happiness was my responsibility. I needed to start acting like it. He rolled onto his side, and I followed his movement and spooned against his warmth, tucking my thighs and knees in the warm shadow of his. I wrapped my arms around his middle, and his arms slid over mine.
“This is nice,” he whispered. “I could get used to this.”
I could too . “Will you be flying back to California tomorrow?”
“My parents and sister will. I live here in Las Vegas.”
I bolted, sitting up. “You live here?” I realized immediately it sounded accusing and I sounded panicked, but I couldn’t help it. How had I been so stupid? Why didn’t I ask? Why did I assume?
He sat up to face me, and in the dark I could make out his features. “Is that a problem?”
“Yes.” I jumped from the bed and started putting on my clothes. “I have to get ready to run with my dad. You should have left before now!”
Shiro stood too and stopped my actions by grabbing my shoulders. “What just happened?”
“Nothing. Nothing happened. We had fun. I’m glad you stopped by.”
“Stopped by?” he demanded, sounding astounded. “We just made love for four hours. I call that a little more than stopping by.”
“Made love?” I repeated. “Why give sex a fancy name? It was great, but—”
He moved closer. “I didn’t have sex with you. My soul communed with your soul. You can deny feeling anything, but deep down I know you felt that .”
I shook my head, but denying that something special had happened was impossible. My throat clogged with emotion.
“I want to see you again. I want to see you as often as I can see you. Please don’t push me away.”
He leaned closer, like he was going to kiss me, but didn’t, and the gap between our lips was agonizing. I bit my bottom lip and forced back emotion. “You should go.”
He dropped his face and whispered, “Damn,” against my shoulder. His warm breath on my skin sent a shiver down my spine. And then he released me.
I couldn’t watch him dress. I closed my eyes and stood there shaking because something real had passed between us, and while I didn’t know anything about souls comingling—hell, I didn’t even know if I had a soul—I did know I wanted to feel whatever it was again.
When the hotel door closed softly behind him, I whispered, “Damn,” and then I allowed myself to cry. Again. After years of not shedding a single tear, I was sure turning into a blubbering idiot.
Chapter Six
We ran in silence. It was dark when we hit the sidewalk, although in Las Vegas the sidewalks are never less than brightly lit. We ran past casinos and movie theaters, storefronts, and gas stations.
My father was pissed. Still. It went without saying, so in essence the silence was good, because it meant neither of us was yelling. It also meant none of the things I needed to say were said, so by the time I finally got to class…
If I said I wasn’t having a very good day, it wouldn’t be a lie. The truth was, and the part that was hurting me to the core was, that I felt like I
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