his gaze on me is not just carnal but seeming full of love and passion. I feel special and cared for.
Last night we cuddled up together on this very couch I am on now watching a documentary of a student/teacher relationship that happened years ago now, where the teacher had been caught sleeping with her student and wound up pregnant. She went to jail and when she got out, her and the same students got back together, married, and live happily ever after. It was disturbing just as much as it was sweet. To risk your entire life and wellbeing to be with the one you love even if society deems it wrong. It reminded me of my current situation. I felt like maybe this is why Jeremy never confronted me before about his feelings or obsession; however, you want to look at it. He would lose all he ever worked for just to be with me. That’s why he took me and kept me. He somehow knew I was it for him. Maybe that’s my problem. I haven’t felt like he was it for me. Would I have felt differently if he had approached me instead? Would I have given him a chance or just brushed him off? I guess I’ll never know.
Having been in love with Forrest it is hard to tell if I would have reacted differently if the situation had been different. I contemplate what I knew of him before everything happened and I realized that he was always kind to me and everyone else. He was also very good looking and smart. If I take away, all that he has done in this private business of his I would say he was a great catch. Any woman would be proud to have him at their side.
I remember his exact words at the end of the movie, “I aspire to have a love as strong and deep as theirs. Wouldn’t you want to know that I would risk everything just to be with you?” The idea was appealing and I guess he already has pretty much risked everything to be with me. He just hadn’t been caught yet.
I nod my head in agreement. Jeremy’s arm is thrown across the back of the couch as I am snuggled up against his side feeling warm and content. It’s not a new feeling but hard to get used to. After all he has put me through and all I have seen, one couldn’t imagine why I would want to be so close to a monster. But in moments like these, I feel cherished, loved, and wanted. His hand slowly starts to rub my arm in a comforting gesture and my heart swells for this man. I forget about the beatings, the rape, and the brutality that this man could inflict on me and try to enjoy this feeling. The rest of the night went on like this until I fell into a peaceful sleep.
I realize now, after thinking back on last night and many other similar nights that maybe I don’t need a Liam Neeson to come to my rescue. Maybe the rest of my time spent here could be just like last night. We could be happy together. He’s not always such a monster. Lately he has been kind. I feel like we have a real relationship instead of a forced one. The more time I spend with him and the more I get to know him, I’ve come to realize there is a lot more to the man behind the monster than what first meets the eye. But do I really want to be with someone who kidnapped me, killed my best friend and love of my life, ultimately taking me away from my family and friends and still hurts me if I mess up?
Maybe this is my fault. If I hadn’t dressed so provocatively and pranced around like prey in front of him. I could have avoided making him want me if I wasn’t so innocent. I gave him reasons to obsess. I didn’t throw myself at him, I wore tight clothing, I probably made him think I wanted him and was just playing hard to get.
No.
No, I did none of these things. He had a choice. He didn’t have to watch my every move. He didn’t have to take me. He could have just approached me with what he wanted. There was no need to take me away from all my friends and family or kill Forrest who was only trying to
Last night we cuddled up together on this very couch I am on now watching a documentary of a student/teacher relationship that happened years ago now, where the teacher had been caught sleeping with her student and wound up pregnant. She went to jail and when she got out, her and the same students got back together, married, and live happily ever after. It was disturbing just as much as it was sweet. To risk your entire life and wellbeing to be with the one you love even if society deems it wrong. It reminded me of my current situation. I felt like maybe this is why Jeremy never confronted me before about his feelings or obsession; however, you want to look at it. He would lose all he ever worked for just to be with me. That’s why he took me and kept me. He somehow knew I was it for him. Maybe that’s my problem. I haven’t felt like he was it for me. Would I have felt differently if he had approached me instead? Would I have given him a chance or just brushed him off? I guess I’ll never know.
Having been in love with Forrest it is hard to tell if I would have reacted differently if the situation had been different. I contemplate what I knew of him before everything happened and I realized that he was always kind to me and everyone else. He was also very good looking and smart. If I take away, all that he has done in this private business of his I would say he was a great catch. Any woman would be proud to have him at their side.
I remember his exact words at the end of the movie, “I aspire to have a love as strong and deep as theirs. Wouldn’t you want to know that I would risk everything just to be with you?” The idea was appealing and I guess he already has pretty much risked everything to be with me. He just hadn’t been caught yet.
I nod my head in agreement. Jeremy’s arm is thrown across the back of the couch as I am snuggled up against his side feeling warm and content. It’s not a new feeling but hard to get used to. After all he has put me through and all I have seen, one couldn’t imagine why I would want to be so close to a monster. But in moments like these, I feel cherished, loved, and wanted. His hand slowly starts to rub my arm in a comforting gesture and my heart swells for this man. I forget about the beatings, the rape, and the brutality that this man could inflict on me and try to enjoy this feeling. The rest of the night went on like this until I fell into a peaceful sleep.
I realize now, after thinking back on last night and many other similar nights that maybe I don’t need a Liam Neeson to come to my rescue. Maybe the rest of my time spent here could be just like last night. We could be happy together. He’s not always such a monster. Lately he has been kind. I feel like we have a real relationship instead of a forced one. The more time I spend with him and the more I get to know him, I’ve come to realize there is a lot more to the man behind the monster than what first meets the eye. But do I really want to be with someone who kidnapped me, killed my best friend and love of my life, ultimately taking me away from my family and friends and still hurts me if I mess up?
Maybe this is my fault. If I hadn’t dressed so provocatively and pranced around like prey in front of him. I could have avoided making him want me if I wasn’t so innocent. I gave him reasons to obsess. I didn’t throw myself at him, I wore tight clothing, I probably made him think I wanted him and was just playing hard to get.
No.
No, I did none of these things. He had a choice. He didn’t have to watch my every move. He didn’t have to take me. He could have just approached me with what he wanted. There was no need to take me away from all my friends and family or kill Forrest who was only trying to
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