mom.
Stepping out of the car, she headed for the front door. Before she had left, she’d cleared the glass from the floor and covered the gaping hole left in the door with a piece of wood. It would have to be enough for now, it wasn’t as though she had any money to replace the door or the glass panel. Every penny she earned went into paying for the care her mom needed.
The house was quiet as she pushed open the front door. Ellie didn’t call out. Selena was probably somewhere around but Ellie just wanted to see her mom.
She headed up the stairs and paused at the top of the landing, her eyes catching sight of herself in the mirror there.
Her hair was in disarray and her face was blotchy from crying. She was a mess. Ellie stared a little harder at her reflection, suddenly disgusted by what she saw there. When had she allowed herself to become so pathetic? Overweight, drowning in debt, with absolutely no prospects for the future… This wasn’t the life she had hoped for, and it wasn’t the life she had dreamt of when she was a little girl.
Closing her eyes, Ellie moved past the mirror, relieved to simply be away from the reflection of what she believed to be all of her failures.
She pushed open her mother’s bedroom door and stepped into the darkened room. Selena had changed the sheets and the room smelled fresh.
Ellie could make out her mother’s shape beneath the blankets as she moved up towards the top of the bed, her soft breaths reassuring her that the world was still as it should be. Grabbing the chair next to the bed, Ellie pulled it up until it was as close as she could get it.
Rosalind’s features were relaxed and in sleep she looked much younger than she was. A small smile played around her lips and Ellie wished she could peek into the dreams her mother was having. She looked so peaceful and happy… It was the only thing Ellie had ever wished for her mother since she had suffered the stroke.
“Mom, what am I supposed to do? I want to do what’s right for you but I don’t know what’s best anymore…”
Ellie took Rosalind’s hand in hers, curling her fingers around her mother’s. Ellie dipped her face down, whispering against her hand. Her skin was thin and papery as Ellie brushed her fingers against it. It made her seem even more fragile than usual.
“Ricky’s in trouble and I don’t know how to help him. He knew Mattheson was bad news and yet he still got involved…”
Rosalind stirred in her sleep, murmuring softly and Ellie fell silent. She would have given anything to have her mom open her eyes, sit up and talk to her. But that was never going to happen. Rosalind would never be the woman she had once been and the realisation of that for Ellie was crippling.
Her mother hadn’t been an easy woman to get on with and often times Ellie had found her mother’s cruel words about her weight and appearance to cut to the bone. But that didn’t change the fact that Ellie loved her mother and she knew deep down that her mother had loved her in her own way. It was that love that had Ellie working constantly to juggle the medical bills. The only thing that had taken them this far was the life insurance money they’d received after the death of her father, but it wasn’t enough.
“Ellie, are you alright?”
Ellie jumped, her gaze instantly going to her mother’s face, as though half expecting a miracle to have occurred. Of course it was impossible and Ellie’s heart sank as she turned her attention to Selena in the doorway.
She stood and pushed the chair back, leaning down over the bed as she pressed her lips to her mother’s forehead.
“I’ll see you later, Mom.”
There was no response, there never was…
Ellie moved to the door and followed Selena out into the hall.
“I didn’t realise you were here until…”
Selena lifted the baby monitor and Ellie nodded.
“Sorry, I just wanted a few minutes with her… A few minutes to…”
Ellie cut herself off, suddenly unsure
Stepping out of the car, she headed for the front door. Before she had left, she’d cleared the glass from the floor and covered the gaping hole left in the door with a piece of wood. It would have to be enough for now, it wasn’t as though she had any money to replace the door or the glass panel. Every penny she earned went into paying for the care her mom needed.
The house was quiet as she pushed open the front door. Ellie didn’t call out. Selena was probably somewhere around but Ellie just wanted to see her mom.
She headed up the stairs and paused at the top of the landing, her eyes catching sight of herself in the mirror there.
Her hair was in disarray and her face was blotchy from crying. She was a mess. Ellie stared a little harder at her reflection, suddenly disgusted by what she saw there. When had she allowed herself to become so pathetic? Overweight, drowning in debt, with absolutely no prospects for the future… This wasn’t the life she had hoped for, and it wasn’t the life she had dreamt of when she was a little girl.
Closing her eyes, Ellie moved past the mirror, relieved to simply be away from the reflection of what she believed to be all of her failures.
She pushed open her mother’s bedroom door and stepped into the darkened room. Selena had changed the sheets and the room smelled fresh.
Ellie could make out her mother’s shape beneath the blankets as she moved up towards the top of the bed, her soft breaths reassuring her that the world was still as it should be. Grabbing the chair next to the bed, Ellie pulled it up until it was as close as she could get it.
Rosalind’s features were relaxed and in sleep she looked much younger than she was. A small smile played around her lips and Ellie wished she could peek into the dreams her mother was having. She looked so peaceful and happy… It was the only thing Ellie had ever wished for her mother since she had suffered the stroke.
“Mom, what am I supposed to do? I want to do what’s right for you but I don’t know what’s best anymore…”
Ellie took Rosalind’s hand in hers, curling her fingers around her mother’s. Ellie dipped her face down, whispering against her hand. Her skin was thin and papery as Ellie brushed her fingers against it. It made her seem even more fragile than usual.
“Ricky’s in trouble and I don’t know how to help him. He knew Mattheson was bad news and yet he still got involved…”
Rosalind stirred in her sleep, murmuring softly and Ellie fell silent. She would have given anything to have her mom open her eyes, sit up and talk to her. But that was never going to happen. Rosalind would never be the woman she had once been and the realisation of that for Ellie was crippling.
Her mother hadn’t been an easy woman to get on with and often times Ellie had found her mother’s cruel words about her weight and appearance to cut to the bone. But that didn’t change the fact that Ellie loved her mother and she knew deep down that her mother had loved her in her own way. It was that love that had Ellie working constantly to juggle the medical bills. The only thing that had taken them this far was the life insurance money they’d received after the death of her father, but it wasn’t enough.
“Ellie, are you alright?”
Ellie jumped, her gaze instantly going to her mother’s face, as though half expecting a miracle to have occurred. Of course it was impossible and Ellie’s heart sank as she turned her attention to Selena in the doorway.
She stood and pushed the chair back, leaning down over the bed as she pressed her lips to her mother’s forehead.
“I’ll see you later, Mom.”
There was no response, there never was…
Ellie moved to the door and followed Selena out into the hall.
“I didn’t realise you were here until…”
Selena lifted the baby monitor and Ellie nodded.
“Sorry, I just wanted a few minutes with her… A few minutes to…”
Ellie cut herself off, suddenly unsure
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