street before the camera flashed to a sobbing mother being held by her husband. A chill swept through me, and I reached for the furry white throw at the end of the sofa. Curling it under my chin as I stared at the screen, I inhaled deeply. It smelled like Riley and her favorite perfume. My favorite scent in the world.
I knew I’d missed her, but being back in her home, so close to her, yet so far away, punctuated the emptiness. Life with her had been full and rich and exciting. Life without her was anything but.
Sure, I’d kept gambling, because really, what other choice did I have? The only other thing I’d ever been good at was football. There was a time I’d prayed that would be my career, but I learned in college I wasn’t good enough to play with the big boys. So I was left with one thing I excelled at—gambling. No, I’d been left with two things: gambling and Riley. But it took me this many years to realize that one was so much more important than the other.
But how could I convince her that I’d realized that? How could I make her believe I’d changed, that I was ready to grow up? How could I convince her to trust me again? As I watched the gut-wrenching images of lives being torn apart, I suddenly realized what I had to do to put my life back together again.
I wandered down the hall quietly, then tapped my knuckle against Riley’s closed door.
“What is it, Brody?” she asked, sounding sleepy.
My gut clenched. She’d always looked like an angel when she was on the verge of falling asleep, so sweet and vulnerable. I’d never been more aware that I held her fragile heart in my palm, along with the power to break it with a few choice words.
“Can I ask you a favor?” I said, opening the door a crack.
She sat up to reveal the white straps of a negligee I’d bought for her. What the hell was she trying to do to me? Why was she wearing that? To tease me, entice me… or maybe to remind me of what I’d never have?
“Depends what it is,” she said, pushing her blond hair back off her face.
“You look so gorgeous.” My voice was hoarse as my eyes shamelessly zeroed in on her full breasts. “I’ve always loved the way that looks on you.”
“I remember.”
My eyes collided with hers when I asked, “Why are you wearing it? Why tonight?”
“Maybe I needed to be reminded of the good times,” she whispered. “When I still had hope.”
I inched closer and sat on the edge of the bed. My side of the bed. Looking into her baby blue eyes, trying to figure out how I’d ever been stupid enough to let another man have her, I asked, “What’s life without hope, Ri?”
“I can’t afford to hope,” she said, closing her eyes. “Not again.”
I brushed my lips across her cheek. “What would it take for you to give me another chance? For you to let me love you again?”
“I can’t.”
She sounded so tortured, I just wanted to haul her against me, to cradle her in my arms and promise I’d never let anything hurt her, but since I was the source of her pain, I couldn’t do that. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, her voice raw with emotion. “Why are you doing this to me again? Why are you even here?”
“Because I love you.” It had been a long time, too long, since I’d shown her, but those words had never stopped being true. I reached for her hand. “You’ve always been my best friend, Ri. When my world’s falling apart, you’re the one I call.”
“But do you think that’s fair to me?” she asked, watching me kiss her hand.
“No, I definitely haven’t been fair to you, sweetheart. But I think I can change.”
“You think you can change?” She sounded incredulous as she ripped her hand from mine. “You think ? And that’s supposed to be reason enough for me to walk through hell with you all over again?”
“I know I don’t have the right to expect anything from you—”
“You’re damn right you don’t!” She shoved
I knew I’d missed her, but being back in her home, so close to her, yet so far away, punctuated the emptiness. Life with her had been full and rich and exciting. Life without her was anything but.
Sure, I’d kept gambling, because really, what other choice did I have? The only other thing I’d ever been good at was football. There was a time I’d prayed that would be my career, but I learned in college I wasn’t good enough to play with the big boys. So I was left with one thing I excelled at—gambling. No, I’d been left with two things: gambling and Riley. But it took me this many years to realize that one was so much more important than the other.
But how could I convince her that I’d realized that? How could I make her believe I’d changed, that I was ready to grow up? How could I convince her to trust me again? As I watched the gut-wrenching images of lives being torn apart, I suddenly realized what I had to do to put my life back together again.
I wandered down the hall quietly, then tapped my knuckle against Riley’s closed door.
“What is it, Brody?” she asked, sounding sleepy.
My gut clenched. She’d always looked like an angel when she was on the verge of falling asleep, so sweet and vulnerable. I’d never been more aware that I held her fragile heart in my palm, along with the power to break it with a few choice words.
“Can I ask you a favor?” I said, opening the door a crack.
She sat up to reveal the white straps of a negligee I’d bought for her. What the hell was she trying to do to me? Why was she wearing that? To tease me, entice me… or maybe to remind me of what I’d never have?
“Depends what it is,” she said, pushing her blond hair back off her face.
“You look so gorgeous.” My voice was hoarse as my eyes shamelessly zeroed in on her full breasts. “I’ve always loved the way that looks on you.”
“I remember.”
My eyes collided with hers when I asked, “Why are you wearing it? Why tonight?”
“Maybe I needed to be reminded of the good times,” she whispered. “When I still had hope.”
I inched closer and sat on the edge of the bed. My side of the bed. Looking into her baby blue eyes, trying to figure out how I’d ever been stupid enough to let another man have her, I asked, “What’s life without hope, Ri?”
“I can’t afford to hope,” she said, closing her eyes. “Not again.”
I brushed my lips across her cheek. “What would it take for you to give me another chance? For you to let me love you again?”
“I can’t.”
She sounded so tortured, I just wanted to haul her against me, to cradle her in my arms and promise I’d never let anything hurt her, but since I was the source of her pain, I couldn’t do that. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, her voice raw with emotion. “Why are you doing this to me again? Why are you even here?”
“Because I love you.” It had been a long time, too long, since I’d shown her, but those words had never stopped being true. I reached for her hand. “You’ve always been my best friend, Ri. When my world’s falling apart, you’re the one I call.”
“But do you think that’s fair to me?” she asked, watching me kiss her hand.
“No, I definitely haven’t been fair to you, sweetheart. But I think I can change.”
“You think you can change?” She sounded incredulous as she ripped her hand from mine. “You think ? And that’s supposed to be reason enough for me to walk through hell with you all over again?”
“I know I don’t have the right to expect anything from you—”
“You’re damn right you don’t!” She shoved
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