moved in, we spent hours painting the entire place, and that night we made love in the empty bedroom on top of blankets and pillows.
Every Friday night I would make him roasted chicken and mashed potatoes and he would stop and buy me flowers on his way home from work. Every Friday. Religiously. Every Friday I would set the table with our nicest plates and glasses and we would enjoy each other’s company, never talking about work or anything negative. It was our time, when we would just pretend that we were all alone in the entire world and life was full of bliss.
Those were happy memories, memories that were long forgotten. I close my eyes and try to remember every detail of his face, his strong arms, the tattoo on his chest, the smooth skin when he was freshly shaved, the spicy smell of his aftershave. I knew his body as well as he knew mine. There was nothing we didn’t know about each other; nothing we didn’t love about one another. He was my happy place, my safety, my one true love, my rock. So you tell me, dear Dr. Collins, how do I move on from that?
“It’s ok baby. I’m always going to be here,” Sam’s hand touches my face, his long fingers w iping my tears. “We will be together again, but not any time soon. You promised, babe. You promised you’ll be happy for me.”
I wake up shaking and look around for him. It was all a dream, a stupid empty dream. Yet, why do I still feel his touch? I fell asleep on top of the sheets of papers where most of my memories are now scattered and out in the open. Nothing sad, just like she told me, and yet I feel no happiness. What would I feel if I wrote down my fears? I push away from the desk and lay on the bed hoping for sleep.
Chapter 8
The block party invitation is sitting on top of today’s mail and I read it for the hundredth time. I have the lines memorized, but still I feel like I’ve seen it for the first time. I can’t remember the last party I attended, and while I’m much better than I was a few weeks ago, I’m still no party animal. All I can think of is seeing David again, hoping he will give me the time of day. Thoughts of rejection make me doubt myself. Put your big girl panties on and join the living .
I pick up the phone and dial the one person I know I can always depend on. She picks up on the second ring, her voice cheerful as always.
“Jen, honey, is that you?”
“Hi , Mom. Did I wake you?”
“Wake me? Darling it’s after ten. How are you feeling?”
“Mom, I’m feeling great. I’ve been invited to a party but I’m not sure what to do.”
“Give me ten minutes to get changed. Come pick me up and we’ll have a mother and daughter day out. What do you say, honey? It’s been so long since we had one of those. We can pick something sexy for you to wear to the party.”
“Mom, you are the best, you know that?”
“You bet I know that.” It feels so good to hear her laugh and joke around.
Within twenty minutes we’re on our way to the mall to get pampered and do some shopping. The stores are filled with last minute Christmas shoppers, and most of the shelves are already empty. There’s a huge line smack in the middle where a jolly Santa sits on his throne with a pretty elf by his side. Children of all ages wait patiently, at least some do, to get their picture taken and ask Santa for their favorite toys.
There’s something so innocent about the scene that plays in front of me, making me with I could go back in time when everything was not so black and white.
“Would you like to have your picture taken too?” my mom asks as she catches me staring at the line.
“Yeah Mom, I’m sure Santa would love me to sit on his lap.”
“Maybe not a good idea.”
We finally find the hair salon and I can’t wait to see the hairdresser’s reaction when she sees my roots. I don’t remember the last time I had my hair cut, or dyed for that
Every Friday night I would make him roasted chicken and mashed potatoes and he would stop and buy me flowers on his way home from work. Every Friday. Religiously. Every Friday I would set the table with our nicest plates and glasses and we would enjoy each other’s company, never talking about work or anything negative. It was our time, when we would just pretend that we were all alone in the entire world and life was full of bliss.
Those were happy memories, memories that were long forgotten. I close my eyes and try to remember every detail of his face, his strong arms, the tattoo on his chest, the smooth skin when he was freshly shaved, the spicy smell of his aftershave. I knew his body as well as he knew mine. There was nothing we didn’t know about each other; nothing we didn’t love about one another. He was my happy place, my safety, my one true love, my rock. So you tell me, dear Dr. Collins, how do I move on from that?
“It’s ok baby. I’m always going to be here,” Sam’s hand touches my face, his long fingers w iping my tears. “We will be together again, but not any time soon. You promised, babe. You promised you’ll be happy for me.”
I wake up shaking and look around for him. It was all a dream, a stupid empty dream. Yet, why do I still feel his touch? I fell asleep on top of the sheets of papers where most of my memories are now scattered and out in the open. Nothing sad, just like she told me, and yet I feel no happiness. What would I feel if I wrote down my fears? I push away from the desk and lay on the bed hoping for sleep.
Chapter 8
The block party invitation is sitting on top of today’s mail and I read it for the hundredth time. I have the lines memorized, but still I feel like I’ve seen it for the first time. I can’t remember the last party I attended, and while I’m much better than I was a few weeks ago, I’m still no party animal. All I can think of is seeing David again, hoping he will give me the time of day. Thoughts of rejection make me doubt myself. Put your big girl panties on and join the living .
I pick up the phone and dial the one person I know I can always depend on. She picks up on the second ring, her voice cheerful as always.
“Jen, honey, is that you?”
“Hi , Mom. Did I wake you?”
“Wake me? Darling it’s after ten. How are you feeling?”
“Mom, I’m feeling great. I’ve been invited to a party but I’m not sure what to do.”
“Give me ten minutes to get changed. Come pick me up and we’ll have a mother and daughter day out. What do you say, honey? It’s been so long since we had one of those. We can pick something sexy for you to wear to the party.”
“Mom, you are the best, you know that?”
“You bet I know that.” It feels so good to hear her laugh and joke around.
Within twenty minutes we’re on our way to the mall to get pampered and do some shopping. The stores are filled with last minute Christmas shoppers, and most of the shelves are already empty. There’s a huge line smack in the middle where a jolly Santa sits on his throne with a pretty elf by his side. Children of all ages wait patiently, at least some do, to get their picture taken and ask Santa for their favorite toys.
There’s something so innocent about the scene that plays in front of me, making me with I could go back in time when everything was not so black and white.
“Would you like to have your picture taken too?” my mom asks as she catches me staring at the line.
“Yeah Mom, I’m sure Santa would love me to sit on his lap.”
“Maybe not a good idea.”
We finally find the hair salon and I can’t wait to see the hairdresser’s reaction when she sees my roots. I don’t remember the last time I had my hair cut, or dyed for that
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