Broken by Ilsa Evans Page B

the line. ‘What’s up?’
    â€˜Nothing much.’ Mattie smiled, leaning against the wall and feeling a bit like a teenager as she absentmindedly coiled the telephone cord around one finger.
    â€˜Wish I could say the same. Seems everybody’s left their tax returns late this year. We’re flat out.’
    â€˜Poor you.’
    â€˜Yes, poor me. What I need is a hot bath, a massage, and a bit of Mattie. Not necessarily in that order. Anyway, what’s for tea?’
    â€˜Tea?’ repeated Mattie, the smile sliding off her face.
    â€˜Yeah – tea. You know, the meal that comes after lunch.’
    â€˜I . . . don’t know’
    â€˜That’s not like you, Little Miss Organisation.’
    â€˜No.’ Mattie couldn’t think of what else to say. She didn’t know how, or when, Jake had got the impression he was coming around to the unit tonight. She’d actually planned on taking the children out to McDonald’s after their swimming lesson, as a sort of celebration and the chance for a chat without distractions. But the last thing she wanted to do was get Jake offside, again, so it looked like she would have to rethink things.
    â€˜I take it from the silence that you don’t actually want me?’
    â€˜It’s not that,’ said Mattie quickly. ‘Just that I hadn’t . . . but of course you’re welcome. You know that.’
    â€˜No, I don’t know that. I’m beginning to think I don’t know anything. But tell me, what was last night about then?’
    â€˜Last night?’
    â€˜Yeah, last night. Remember? When you were all over me like a rash?’
    â€˜A rash?’
    â€˜Christ, Mattie, I always know you’re playing games when you repeat everything I say. At least have the guts to tell me where I stand.’
    Mattie pulled the corkscrewed cord off her finger, leaving red indentations that numbed her knuckles. ‘Look, last night I needed . . . I don’t know. It’s just that I – ’
    â€˜Want to pull the strings. That’s it, isn’t it? It’s all about what
you
need, what
you
want. Which is everything your own way.’
    â€˜No!’ Mattie could hear the indignation in her voice, tinged with desperation.
    â€˜Yes. You want me to be there when it suits you, and away when itdoesn’t. And I’m expected to somehow magically know which is which. Well, life doesn’t work that way, lady. You can’t treat people like frigging puppets.’
    â€˜Listen, Jake.’ Mattie spoke quickly, the words tumbling over each other. ‘I’m
not
playing games. And I’m sorry if you . . . but how can I want everything my own way when I don’t even know
what
I want? That’s why I’m here – I’m
trying
to work it out!’
    â€˜Well, you’d better bloody work it out soon, because I’m fed up.’
    â€˜But you have to realise . . .’ Mattie petered off as the engaged signal sounded in her ear. He’d hung up. She replaced the receiver gently and then massaged her knuckles until the blood flow throbbed painfully through her fingers. Then she washed her hands, took a deep breath and gathered together the Centrelink paperwork, aligning the edges neatly. One thing at a time and first things first. These needed to be signed and delivered, otherwise her twelve months were going to be over before they began. And, amongst everything she was confused about, one thing stood out in bold relief – if she went back now, she would never leave again.
    â€˜Do you think Daddy’s sad by himself?’
    Mattie looked across the scrabble board at Courtney with surprise. Because the question came totally from left field. Neither child had even mentioned their father all afternoon and Mattie had gone to great pains to make sure they’d enjoyed themselves. Although she’d given the McDonald’s idea a miss, just in case Jake
did
turn up,