blurted. “A son
can tell his parents anything. I hate seeing you torn up like this. Keeping it
bottled inside won’t help you heal.”
Mac shook his head, drawing great
drafts of air into his lungs like it might settle his nerves. “I don’t want to
lay my burdens on you two. I think I’ve caused enough pain already.”
“Then give your burdens over to the
Lord. He can carry anything you hand Him,” Hank encouraged.
Mac’s face went hard and anger
flashed in his eyes. “God didn’t save my men. Praying won’t bring them or Eric
back.”
Toni flinched at his harsh tone.
She had no idea he felt so angry at the Lord.
“You can’t go on blaming yourself,”
Hank said.
“Why not? It was my fault,” Mac
growled.
“It wasn’t your fault all those men
died. You fought to save Eric’s life. It just happened.”
A long sigh whispered past Mac’s
lips and he turned to face the fire. “What does it matter now? He’s gone.”
“It might help if you talk with one
of those doctors who deals with post-trauma stress,” Inez suggested.
Toni tensed. She’d heard of
soldiers returning from war, haunted by horrible things they’d done and
witnessed in battle. She had no doubt Mac suffered from post-traumatic stress
disorder and she felt powerless to help him. In spite of his once-strong faith,
it now appeared he’d turned his back on God. How could he face this difficulty
without his Father in Heaven by his side?
“I’ve talked to plenty of doctors
and they can’t help me. I just need time,” Mac said.
Hank gave a deep sigh. “I hope
that’s all you need. We’ll be here for you if you need us, son. And the Lord’s
there always. He waits for us to come to Him.”
“He wasn’t there for me in
Afghanistan, and I don’t need Him now.”
Toni cringed at the resentment in
Mac’s voice. Last night, when he’d refused to bless the food, she’d been
stunned. God was such an important part of her life. Without Him, she couldn’t
imagine battling the grief of losing her brother and parents. She’d be
completely lost.
“God was there with you in
Afghanistan, son,” Inez assured him. “He brought you home.”
“Well, He saved the wrong man.”
Toni’s heart shredded. If she had
to choose, would she rather Mac had died instead of Eric?
No! She adored Eric, but she
couldn’t choose between the two men. She loved them both and their lives meant
everything to her.
She lay back, still as stone, her
eyes closed. Her sympathy went out to Mac. Watching him suffer worsened her own
pain. Because of their broken engagement, she didn’t feel she had the right to
interfere. And yet, loving Mac still, she hated seeing him in so much anguish.
She rolled toward the wall, jerking
the soft blankets over her head to muffle her tears.
The rocker squeaked and the scuff
of Hank’s bare feet sounded as he moved past the door into the kitchen. “I
reckon I’ll fix breakfast. We can get an early start today.”
Toni got up and closed the door to
her room. Stumbling around in the dark, she used a basin of cold water left
over from the night before and washed the sleep from her eyes. She brushed her
hair, pulling it back into a long ponytail. After sliding her feet into her
slippers, she sat on the edge of her bunk, stalling to gain her composure.
Finally, she went out into the living area.
“Good morning,” Inez called from
the cook stove.
Toni smiled a greeting as she
stepped over to the now roaring fire and rubbed her hands together. She found
Mac sitting up in his recliner fully dressed in a clean T-shirt and baggy
sweatpants, his bandaged leg propped up on a footstool.
As his gaze traveled over her, she
felt an explosion of awareness. She caught a brief flicker of approval in his
eyes, aware of the energy crackling in the air. Did he still feel the spark of
attraction between them? The electricity?
She turned away, confused by these
old feelings she longed to push aside. Loving a man who no longer
can tell his parents anything. I hate seeing you torn up like this. Keeping it
bottled inside won’t help you heal.”
Mac shook his head, drawing great
drafts of air into his lungs like it might settle his nerves. “I don’t want to
lay my burdens on you two. I think I’ve caused enough pain already.”
“Then give your burdens over to the
Lord. He can carry anything you hand Him,” Hank encouraged.
Mac’s face went hard and anger
flashed in his eyes. “God didn’t save my men. Praying won’t bring them or Eric
back.”
Toni flinched at his harsh tone.
She had no idea he felt so angry at the Lord.
“You can’t go on blaming yourself,”
Hank said.
“Why not? It was my fault,” Mac
growled.
“It wasn’t your fault all those men
died. You fought to save Eric’s life. It just happened.”
A long sigh whispered past Mac’s
lips and he turned to face the fire. “What does it matter now? He’s gone.”
“It might help if you talk with one
of those doctors who deals with post-trauma stress,” Inez suggested.
Toni tensed. She’d heard of
soldiers returning from war, haunted by horrible things they’d done and
witnessed in battle. She had no doubt Mac suffered from post-traumatic stress
disorder and she felt powerless to help him. In spite of his once-strong faith,
it now appeared he’d turned his back on God. How could he face this difficulty
without his Father in Heaven by his side?
“I’ve talked to plenty of doctors
and they can’t help me. I just need time,” Mac said.
Hank gave a deep sigh. “I hope
that’s all you need. We’ll be here for you if you need us, son. And the Lord’s
there always. He waits for us to come to Him.”
“He wasn’t there for me in
Afghanistan, and I don’t need Him now.”
Toni cringed at the resentment in
Mac’s voice. Last night, when he’d refused to bless the food, she’d been
stunned. God was such an important part of her life. Without Him, she couldn’t
imagine battling the grief of losing her brother and parents. She’d be
completely lost.
“God was there with you in
Afghanistan, son,” Inez assured him. “He brought you home.”
“Well, He saved the wrong man.”
Toni’s heart shredded. If she had
to choose, would she rather Mac had died instead of Eric?
No! She adored Eric, but she
couldn’t choose between the two men. She loved them both and their lives meant
everything to her.
She lay back, still as stone, her
eyes closed. Her sympathy went out to Mac. Watching him suffer worsened her own
pain. Because of their broken engagement, she didn’t feel she had the right to
interfere. And yet, loving Mac still, she hated seeing him in so much anguish.
She rolled toward the wall, jerking
the soft blankets over her head to muffle her tears.
The rocker squeaked and the scuff
of Hank’s bare feet sounded as he moved past the door into the kitchen. “I
reckon I’ll fix breakfast. We can get an early start today.”
Toni got up and closed the door to
her room. Stumbling around in the dark, she used a basin of cold water left
over from the night before and washed the sleep from her eyes. She brushed her
hair, pulling it back into a long ponytail. After sliding her feet into her
slippers, she sat on the edge of her bunk, stalling to gain her composure.
Finally, she went out into the living area.
“Good morning,” Inez called from
the cook stove.
Toni smiled a greeting as she
stepped over to the now roaring fire and rubbed her hands together. She found
Mac sitting up in his recliner fully dressed in a clean T-shirt and baggy
sweatpants, his bandaged leg propped up on a footstool.
As his gaze traveled over her, she
felt an explosion of awareness. She caught a brief flicker of approval in his
eyes, aware of the energy crackling in the air. Did he still feel the spark of
attraction between them? The electricity?
She turned away, confused by these
old feelings she longed to push aside. Loving a man who no longer
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