there a number that goes with that?”
Bryan muttered something.
“What was that?”
“Playtex Perfect Flex, wire free, forty-four, double D, kid, and ifin you repeat that to Miz Demetrice I will track you down and make you feel like ten pounds of crap in a five-pound bag.”
“So you were a little embarrassed to report it,” Janie said neutrally, “and that’s why you hung up.”
“The missus was screeching in my ear,” Bryan added. “She can buy some more. Ya’ll know how the gossip runs like diarrhea in this town.”
Brownie nodded. “It’s true. It’s the Hershey squirts of gossipville.”
Janie looked around the yard. “We should probably talk to Mrs. McGee and her sister, too.”
Bryan looked nervous. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea. Don’t pay to get them women folk all provoked. She just got over it. Wouldn’t stop talking about it yesterday.” His voice lowered to a gravelly drawl. “Not…all…day...long.”
“No enemies? No one you know who would do this?” Janie was persistent. “You didn’t notice anything except a wind, a dog, and a squirrel?”
“Naw, I dint see anyone. But I was at the post office this morning, and Martha Lyles, the elementary school teacher, said that Mike Holmgreen was out bothering the fainting goats yesterday,” Bryan said.
Janie sighed. Brownie thought, Wait, what’s a fainting goat?
“Well, Mike got caught by Mr. Boomer and they got to talking about stuff and Mr. Boomer said someone bin taking stuff from his property, too.”
“Ah,” Janie said. “Write that down, Brownie.”
Brownie wrote it down. Boomers. Mike Holmgreen. Fainting goats. He paused. Wait. What was I doing?
“Perhaps the missus should use the dryer for her delicates for a short period of time until we figure this mystery out,” Janie suggested to Bryan.
Bryan looked confused. “She don’t like those dryer sheets. Says they smell like hotdogs burnt in a microwave oven.”
“It could be a dire situation,” Janie advised the older man and dragged Brownie around the side of the house.
They paused in front of the McGee house and watched Bubba driving past. Brownie’s second cousin (or was it first cousin, once removed?) was at the wheel of his green 1954 Chevy truck. Although the truck was an antique and it rattled and it didn’t have seatbelts, Bubba zoomed past them, as if his tushie was on the receiving end of a blowtorch. Behind him followed three city police cars with sirens blaring and lights flashing. A sheriff’s deputy’s Bronco followed that, and both children saw that it was Willodean driving. In fact, Janie waved cheerfully as her aunt zipped by. Then the parade culminated in a green forestry service vehicle, whose driver was visibly yelling and shaking a clenched fist as he drove.
Both children watched as all the vehicles disappeared from sight.
“Off to the Boomers?” Brownie asked.
Janie nodded somberly.
Chapter 5
Brownie and the Continuing Conundrum
Tuesday, April 3rd
Five minutes later, Miz Demetrice pulled up in her Caddy and called for them to get in. “You chillen need to tell me when you’re off investigating,” she chided lightly. “I had to call Bubba, who didn’t come to the phone, and Gideon Culpepper is being all mysterious-like and then I called Willodean, who also wasn’t available and then Mary Lou Treadwell called me to say what she told Janie yesterday and just as I hung up the phone, Miz McGee called to say something about her…well, she thinks you kids are right special,” she said without drawing a breath. Then she paused deliberately and took a deep breath that turned into a sigh.
Brownie was most impressed by the length the Snoddy matriarch could speak without breathing. It was almost as good as when his mother was in a given vehement rant about something he had done, or something he hadn’t done, as the case might have been.
“Besides it’s dinnertime,” Miz Demetrice added. “Buckle
Bryan muttered something.
“What was that?”
“Playtex Perfect Flex, wire free, forty-four, double D, kid, and ifin you repeat that to Miz Demetrice I will track you down and make you feel like ten pounds of crap in a five-pound bag.”
“So you were a little embarrassed to report it,” Janie said neutrally, “and that’s why you hung up.”
“The missus was screeching in my ear,” Bryan added. “She can buy some more. Ya’ll know how the gossip runs like diarrhea in this town.”
Brownie nodded. “It’s true. It’s the Hershey squirts of gossipville.”
Janie looked around the yard. “We should probably talk to Mrs. McGee and her sister, too.”
Bryan looked nervous. “Maybe that’s not such a good idea. Don’t pay to get them women folk all provoked. She just got over it. Wouldn’t stop talking about it yesterday.” His voice lowered to a gravelly drawl. “Not…all…day...long.”
“No enemies? No one you know who would do this?” Janie was persistent. “You didn’t notice anything except a wind, a dog, and a squirrel?”
“Naw, I dint see anyone. But I was at the post office this morning, and Martha Lyles, the elementary school teacher, said that Mike Holmgreen was out bothering the fainting goats yesterday,” Bryan said.
Janie sighed. Brownie thought, Wait, what’s a fainting goat?
“Well, Mike got caught by Mr. Boomer and they got to talking about stuff and Mr. Boomer said someone bin taking stuff from his property, too.”
“Ah,” Janie said. “Write that down, Brownie.”
Brownie wrote it down. Boomers. Mike Holmgreen. Fainting goats. He paused. Wait. What was I doing?
“Perhaps the missus should use the dryer for her delicates for a short period of time until we figure this mystery out,” Janie suggested to Bryan.
Bryan looked confused. “She don’t like those dryer sheets. Says they smell like hotdogs burnt in a microwave oven.”
“It could be a dire situation,” Janie advised the older man and dragged Brownie around the side of the house.
They paused in front of the McGee house and watched Bubba driving past. Brownie’s second cousin (or was it first cousin, once removed?) was at the wheel of his green 1954 Chevy truck. Although the truck was an antique and it rattled and it didn’t have seatbelts, Bubba zoomed past them, as if his tushie was on the receiving end of a blowtorch. Behind him followed three city police cars with sirens blaring and lights flashing. A sheriff’s deputy’s Bronco followed that, and both children saw that it was Willodean driving. In fact, Janie waved cheerfully as her aunt zipped by. Then the parade culminated in a green forestry service vehicle, whose driver was visibly yelling and shaking a clenched fist as he drove.
Both children watched as all the vehicles disappeared from sight.
“Off to the Boomers?” Brownie asked.
Janie nodded somberly.
Chapter 5
Brownie and the Continuing Conundrum
Tuesday, April 3rd
Five minutes later, Miz Demetrice pulled up in her Caddy and called for them to get in. “You chillen need to tell me when you’re off investigating,” she chided lightly. “I had to call Bubba, who didn’t come to the phone, and Gideon Culpepper is being all mysterious-like and then I called Willodean, who also wasn’t available and then Mary Lou Treadwell called me to say what she told Janie yesterday and just as I hung up the phone, Miz McGee called to say something about her…well, she thinks you kids are right special,” she said without drawing a breath. Then she paused deliberately and took a deep breath that turned into a sigh.
Brownie was most impressed by the length the Snoddy matriarch could speak without breathing. It was almost as good as when his mother was in a given vehement rant about something he had done, or something he hadn’t done, as the case might have been.
“Besides it’s dinnertime,” Miz Demetrice added. “Buckle
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