Where is Randy in all this?” com”@nlere he’s always been very resentful, shunning his father.”
“And you?”
Bess sighed and said, “I don’t know, Mother.” She gazed at her knees for a long time.
“I’ve been carrying around all this anger for six years. It’s very hard to let it go.”
Stella waited. Nearly a minute passed before Bess went on. “Mother, when we were getting the divorce, you never said much.”
“It wasn’t my place.”
“When I found out that Michael was having an affair, I wanted you to be angry for me-to raise your fist, to take my side-but you never did. There must have been some reason. ” .
“And you’re sure you’re ready to hear it now?”
“Is it going to make me mad?”
“That depends on how much you’ve grown up in six years.”
“It was partly my fault, is that what you’re saying?”
“It always takes two, honey. But when a man retaliates by having an affair, he’s usually the one who gets all the blame.”
“ All right, what did I do?” Bess’s voice grew defensive. “I went back to college to get my degree! Was that so wrong?” she asked.
“Not at all. But while you were doing it you totally forgot about your husband.”
“I did not! He wouldn’t let me forget about him. I still had to cook and do laundry and keep the house in shape.”
“I’m talking about your personal relationship.”
“Mother, there wasn’t time!”
“Now, there, I think, you’ve put your finger on it.” Stella let that sink in, then said, “Remember when you were first married, how you used to ask Dad and me to take the kids occasionally so you and Michael could go off camping by yourselves? And the April Foals’ Day when you had that Fanny Farmer box delivered to Michael’s office and it was full of nuts and bolts?”
Bess stared at the snowy golf course, her Coke forgotten.
“Those kinds of things should never stop,” her mother said.
“You got awfully caught up in school and, after that, in opening your store. When you’d stop over to see Dad and me, you were always rushing between two places.”
“That’s when Michael accused me of letting myself go.”
“As I recall, you did.”
“But I asked Michael for help around the house, and he refused to give it. Isn’t he partly to blame?”
“Maybe. But maybe he’d have helped you if he hadn’t fallen to the bottom of your priority list. How was your sex life?”
“Rotten.”
“You didn’t have time for it, right?”
“I thought once I got through school and had my own business, I’d have more time, and everything would fall back into place.”
“Only he didn’t wait.”
Bess got up and went to stand near the window. Then she turned to Stella. “Last night he told me I looked great, and do you know how angry it made me?”
“ disfty ?”
“Because!” Bess flung up one hand. “Because- I don’t know. Because he’s just sloughed off another wife and he’s probably lonely, and I don’t want him crawling back to me under those circumstances. I don’t want him crawling back to me at all!”
Bess covered her eyes with one hand and shook her head vehemently.
“It’s just that all of a sudden I’m so lonely, and I’m caught in this wedding situation, and I’m . . .I’m asking myself questions.”
Stella rose, went to her daughter, and from behind massaged Bess’s shoulders. “You’re going through a catharsis that’s been six years coming. All the time you’ve blamed him, and now you’re starting to explore your own fault in the matter. That’s not easy.”
“I don’t love him anymore, Mother. I really don’t.”
“All right, so you don’t.”
“Then why does it hurt so much to see him?”
“Because he’s making you take this second look at yourself. Here.” Stella produced a tissue, and Bess blew her nose in it. “Feel better now?”
“Yes, sort of.”
“Then sit down, tell me, about the wedding plans, and about Lisa’s young man, and about
“And you?”
Bess sighed and said, “I don’t know, Mother.” She gazed at her knees for a long time.
“I’ve been carrying around all this anger for six years. It’s very hard to let it go.”
Stella waited. Nearly a minute passed before Bess went on. “Mother, when we were getting the divorce, you never said much.”
“It wasn’t my place.”
“When I found out that Michael was having an affair, I wanted you to be angry for me-to raise your fist, to take my side-but you never did. There must have been some reason. ” .
“And you’re sure you’re ready to hear it now?”
“Is it going to make me mad?”
“That depends on how much you’ve grown up in six years.”
“It was partly my fault, is that what you’re saying?”
“It always takes two, honey. But when a man retaliates by having an affair, he’s usually the one who gets all the blame.”
“ All right, what did I do?” Bess’s voice grew defensive. “I went back to college to get my degree! Was that so wrong?” she asked.
“Not at all. But while you were doing it you totally forgot about your husband.”
“I did not! He wouldn’t let me forget about him. I still had to cook and do laundry and keep the house in shape.”
“I’m talking about your personal relationship.”
“Mother, there wasn’t time!”
“Now, there, I think, you’ve put your finger on it.” Stella let that sink in, then said, “Remember when you were first married, how you used to ask Dad and me to take the kids occasionally so you and Michael could go off camping by yourselves? And the April Foals’ Day when you had that Fanny Farmer box delivered to Michael’s office and it was full of nuts and bolts?”
Bess stared at the snowy golf course, her Coke forgotten.
“Those kinds of things should never stop,” her mother said.
“You got awfully caught up in school and, after that, in opening your store. When you’d stop over to see Dad and me, you were always rushing between two places.”
“That’s when Michael accused me of letting myself go.”
“As I recall, you did.”
“But I asked Michael for help around the house, and he refused to give it. Isn’t he partly to blame?”
“Maybe. But maybe he’d have helped you if he hadn’t fallen to the bottom of your priority list. How was your sex life?”
“Rotten.”
“You didn’t have time for it, right?”
“I thought once I got through school and had my own business, I’d have more time, and everything would fall back into place.”
“Only he didn’t wait.”
Bess got up and went to stand near the window. Then she turned to Stella. “Last night he told me I looked great, and do you know how angry it made me?”
“ disfty ?”
“Because!” Bess flung up one hand. “Because- I don’t know. Because he’s just sloughed off another wife and he’s probably lonely, and I don’t want him crawling back to me under those circumstances. I don’t want him crawling back to me at all!”
Bess covered her eyes with one hand and shook her head vehemently.
“It’s just that all of a sudden I’m so lonely, and I’m caught in this wedding situation, and I’m . . .I’m asking myself questions.”
Stella rose, went to her daughter, and from behind massaged Bess’s shoulders. “You’re going through a catharsis that’s been six years coming. All the time you’ve blamed him, and now you’re starting to explore your own fault in the matter. That’s not easy.”
“I don’t love him anymore, Mother. I really don’t.”
“All right, so you don’t.”
“Then why does it hurt so much to see him?”
“Because he’s making you take this second look at yourself. Here.” Stella produced a tissue, and Bess blew her nose in it. “Feel better now?”
“Yes, sort of.”
“Then sit down, tell me, about the wedding plans, and about Lisa’s young man, and about
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