all had seemed funny, but now it was starting to feel like home. Brad didn’t want to feel at home in Tall Pines. Feeling at home here meant that he was never getting back to the bright lights and the roar of the crowd. Feeling at home here meant that he’d spend the majority of his life tucked away in an obscure corner of the world. That was good enough for some people, his father included, and Brad didn’t fault them for it. He could see the appeal, and if they were happy then they were doing the right thing for themselves. He wanted more, though. He wanted a lot more.
And so maybe it was time to talk about his idea. “Dad, I’ve been thinking,” he started tentatively.
“That’s always been a bad sign,” his father growled.
Brad ignored him. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I’d like to go into coaching.”
His father looked over at him, his beer bottle poised halfway to his mouth. Finally he gave a slow nod and took a swig from the bottle. “I could see that. Tough line of work, though.”
“The toughest,” Brad agreed. “Those guys never get out of the office. I knew one guy, a coach I played for a few years back, he went three months during the season without once going home. He slept on a cot in his office and ate all his meals in the film room. He had a wife and child, I know, but he couldn’t have seen them much. The hours are ridiculous.”
“Not much pay in it, either.”
“No, the pay sucks. When I’m first starting out, I may not be paid at all. I know more than a few coaches who started out as volunteers.”
“No job security, either.”
“Nope. Those guys get fired all the time. One bad season and you’re out on your ass.”
“So what’s in it for you?”
Brad leaned forward. “A chance. If I’m good at it, if I put my heart and soul into it, I have a chance to coach in the NFL. I’ll never play again, but this way I can be part of it. It’s my only chance.”
His father was silent for a long time. “What about the rest of it?” he finally asked.
“The rest of what?”
“The rest of life. A wife. Children. A home. You don’t want any of that?”
“I want it. I just…”
“What?”
“I can’t settle, Dad!” Brad’s voice was louder than he intended it to be, and he took a breath to calm himself down. “I’ve been there. I’ve been on top. I’ve seen what it’s like, and I can’t just shrug and let it go. My knees are a mess, but I still have dreams, Dad. I can’t just let them go, not if I want to be happy, not if I want to make someone else happy.”
“You think you can find a lady who will put up with you never being home?”
“Maybe I could, but I’m not going to try. It would be cruel to ask someone who loves me to wait around while I’m busy somewhere else. I’m not that selfish. I won’t do it.”
“So it’s no to a family, then?”
“For now. Maybe I’ll bomb out. Maybe I’ll suck as a coach and will have to give that up, too. But as long as I still believe that I have a chance to get back to the pro’s as a coach, I’m going to give it everything I have. And that means no family, not yet. Not until I can do it right.”
“Anyone looking to hire you?”
“Not yet. I haven’t talked about this with anyone but you. But I know a few guys to call. I thought I might start with my alma mater. If they don’t have an opening, I might volunteer as an unpaid assistant. I have money left over. I can make it work for a while. Long enough to get a paying job, if I’m good enough.”
“You’ll be good enough. You know the game inside and out. Some of those guys you played with, they did it all with God-given talent. It was easy for them, but you busted your ass to get there, and you kept busting your ass to stay there. You know what it takes to make it even when you’re not the most talented guy in the world. That’s the sort of thing you can teach to kids. They’ll hire you for that reason alone.”
Brad sat quietly, staring
And so maybe it was time to talk about his idea. “Dad, I’ve been thinking,” he started tentatively.
“That’s always been a bad sign,” his father growled.
Brad ignored him. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I’d like to go into coaching.”
His father looked over at him, his beer bottle poised halfway to his mouth. Finally he gave a slow nod and took a swig from the bottle. “I could see that. Tough line of work, though.”
“The toughest,” Brad agreed. “Those guys never get out of the office. I knew one guy, a coach I played for a few years back, he went three months during the season without once going home. He slept on a cot in his office and ate all his meals in the film room. He had a wife and child, I know, but he couldn’t have seen them much. The hours are ridiculous.”
“Not much pay in it, either.”
“No, the pay sucks. When I’m first starting out, I may not be paid at all. I know more than a few coaches who started out as volunteers.”
“No job security, either.”
“Nope. Those guys get fired all the time. One bad season and you’re out on your ass.”
“So what’s in it for you?”
Brad leaned forward. “A chance. If I’m good at it, if I put my heart and soul into it, I have a chance to coach in the NFL. I’ll never play again, but this way I can be part of it. It’s my only chance.”
His father was silent for a long time. “What about the rest of it?” he finally asked.
“The rest of what?”
“The rest of life. A wife. Children. A home. You don’t want any of that?”
“I want it. I just…”
“What?”
“I can’t settle, Dad!” Brad’s voice was louder than he intended it to be, and he took a breath to calm himself down. “I’ve been there. I’ve been on top. I’ve seen what it’s like, and I can’t just shrug and let it go. My knees are a mess, but I still have dreams, Dad. I can’t just let them go, not if I want to be happy, not if I want to make someone else happy.”
“You think you can find a lady who will put up with you never being home?”
“Maybe I could, but I’m not going to try. It would be cruel to ask someone who loves me to wait around while I’m busy somewhere else. I’m not that selfish. I won’t do it.”
“So it’s no to a family, then?”
“For now. Maybe I’ll bomb out. Maybe I’ll suck as a coach and will have to give that up, too. But as long as I still believe that I have a chance to get back to the pro’s as a coach, I’m going to give it everything I have. And that means no family, not yet. Not until I can do it right.”
“Anyone looking to hire you?”
“Not yet. I haven’t talked about this with anyone but you. But I know a few guys to call. I thought I might start with my alma mater. If they don’t have an opening, I might volunteer as an unpaid assistant. I have money left over. I can make it work for a while. Long enough to get a paying job, if I’m good enough.”
“You’ll be good enough. You know the game inside and out. Some of those guys you played with, they did it all with God-given talent. It was easy for them, but you busted your ass to get there, and you kept busting your ass to stay there. You know what it takes to make it even when you’re not the most talented guy in the world. That’s the sort of thing you can teach to kids. They’ll hire you for that reason alone.”
Brad sat quietly, staring
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