return, I go into the room. She’s lying on the mattress with the quilt over her head, crying her little heart out. “Maddie, can you come out please?” She doesn’t come out from under her covers, so I talk to her anyway. “You made me a promise that if you stayed up, you would go straight to sleep when I told you to.”
“I just wanted a story,” she sniffles.
“But having a story wouldn’t be going straight to sleep, would it?”
“You’re talking to me now though,” she replies, poking her head out from its hiding place.
“Yes and you should be going to sleep. When you make a promise, you should keep it or next time you make a promise, I won’t know whether to believe you. Do you understand what I’m saying?” I ask.
“Not really,” she says, screwing up her face.
“What if I promised to buy you a new doll and then I didn’t get it for you. How would you feel?”
“Sad.”
“And what if I promised again and still didn’t get it. Would you believe me if I made the same promise again after that?”
“No, I’d think you were telling a lie,” she says and then seems to think about this for a moment. “You will think I’m telling a lie next time, won’t you?”
“If you go to sleep, then I won’t,” I say and kiss her on the top of her head.
“I’m sorry, Mommy. I don’t hate you. I love you as big as the world,” she says and wraps her arms around my waist.
“Apology accepted. I’m sorry I lost my temper and shouted. I love you as big as the world too, Maddie, more than you’ll ever know. Now, close your eyes and go to sleep,” I say and turn to Mitchell who is lying at the other end of the mattress. “I love you as big as the world too, Mitch.”
“I love you too, Mommy. Goodnight,” he replies and turns on his side. I bend down and kiss the top of his head, before turning out the light and leaving the room.
***
At some point during the evening, I laid down on the sofa with a book and must have dosed off. I’m woken by a loud banging on the door. I ignore it at first, but when the banging continues, I get up.
“Freaking plumbers. Waking me up and telling me when to use the bathroom. I’m going to give them a piece of my mind,” I mumble to myself as I shuffle toward the door. “What? Oh Rita, I’m sorry,” I say rubbing my eyes. “What time is it? Are you okay? The kids?”
“Jake’s been trying to call you. When you didn’t answer, he called me,” she tells me. Shit, I really didn’t need this tonight.
I let Rita in and search for my phone. “I’m sorry, it’s still on silent from when I was at work.” I check the screen and Rita was right—Jake has called me fourteen times.
“Don’t worry, do you want me to help you with the twins?” she asks.
“Yes please. I’ll just grab a bag of things for them,” I say as I go into the cupboard and grab their toothbrushes, I then grab them clean underwear and a set of clothes each. “I’m so sorry about this.”
“Don’t be silly,” she says and then grabs both of my shoulders. “SJ, it’s not your fault.”
“I really thought this time—”
“I know you did,” she interrupts me. “He fell off the wagon, SJ. He’s the one who continues to make the choice to give up his sobriety.”
“But if I didn’t hide the twins from him—”
“They’d be exposed to an abusive alcoholic Father,” she reasons with me and I sigh in defeat. “Come on, let’s get the twins to my place and then you can go and help Ken.”
“Thank you so much,” I say and squeeze my best friend hard. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
We settle the twins at Rita’s and I run back to my apartment to grab my purse and car keys. I take the stairs two at a time and crash through the main door out on to the street, then jump straight into the car and start the trip to Kenilworth.
I pull up outside Jake’s Bar and prepare myself to go inside. I don’t know what I’m going to find
“I just wanted a story,” she sniffles.
“But having a story wouldn’t be going straight to sleep, would it?”
“You’re talking to me now though,” she replies, poking her head out from its hiding place.
“Yes and you should be going to sleep. When you make a promise, you should keep it or next time you make a promise, I won’t know whether to believe you. Do you understand what I’m saying?” I ask.
“Not really,” she says, screwing up her face.
“What if I promised to buy you a new doll and then I didn’t get it for you. How would you feel?”
“Sad.”
“And what if I promised again and still didn’t get it. Would you believe me if I made the same promise again after that?”
“No, I’d think you were telling a lie,” she says and then seems to think about this for a moment. “You will think I’m telling a lie next time, won’t you?”
“If you go to sleep, then I won’t,” I say and kiss her on the top of her head.
“I’m sorry, Mommy. I don’t hate you. I love you as big as the world,” she says and wraps her arms around my waist.
“Apology accepted. I’m sorry I lost my temper and shouted. I love you as big as the world too, Maddie, more than you’ll ever know. Now, close your eyes and go to sleep,” I say and turn to Mitchell who is lying at the other end of the mattress. “I love you as big as the world too, Mitch.”
“I love you too, Mommy. Goodnight,” he replies and turns on his side. I bend down and kiss the top of his head, before turning out the light and leaving the room.
***
At some point during the evening, I laid down on the sofa with a book and must have dosed off. I’m woken by a loud banging on the door. I ignore it at first, but when the banging continues, I get up.
“Freaking plumbers. Waking me up and telling me when to use the bathroom. I’m going to give them a piece of my mind,” I mumble to myself as I shuffle toward the door. “What? Oh Rita, I’m sorry,” I say rubbing my eyes. “What time is it? Are you okay? The kids?”
“Jake’s been trying to call you. When you didn’t answer, he called me,” she tells me. Shit, I really didn’t need this tonight.
I let Rita in and search for my phone. “I’m sorry, it’s still on silent from when I was at work.” I check the screen and Rita was right—Jake has called me fourteen times.
“Don’t worry, do you want me to help you with the twins?” she asks.
“Yes please. I’ll just grab a bag of things for them,” I say as I go into the cupboard and grab their toothbrushes, I then grab them clean underwear and a set of clothes each. “I’m so sorry about this.”
“Don’t be silly,” she says and then grabs both of my shoulders. “SJ, it’s not your fault.”
“I really thought this time—”
“I know you did,” she interrupts me. “He fell off the wagon, SJ. He’s the one who continues to make the choice to give up his sobriety.”
“But if I didn’t hide the twins from him—”
“They’d be exposed to an abusive alcoholic Father,” she reasons with me and I sigh in defeat. “Come on, let’s get the twins to my place and then you can go and help Ken.”
“Thank you so much,” I say and squeeze my best friend hard. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
We settle the twins at Rita’s and I run back to my apartment to grab my purse and car keys. I take the stairs two at a time and crash through the main door out on to the street, then jump straight into the car and start the trip to Kenilworth.
I pull up outside Jake’s Bar and prepare myself to go inside. I don’t know what I’m going to find
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