us having a chat?’
‘Why?’ I said, because really I’d have preferred to return to convalessing.
‘We need to have a chat. I keep trying to find a moment,’ she said.
‘Of course,’ I said, ‘sorry.’
‘Sue, there’s something I want to tell you. I don’t want you to hear this from anybody else. I want you to hear this from me. I don’t know if your mother told you …’ She was unable to continue for a moment. She laid down the papers, one of which I could see she had written up with a few helpful prompts.
‘This will be a bit of a shock and I haven’t been sure how to tell you. I haven’t been sure if your mother told you before she died …’
‘What? Told me what?’ I said.
‘I don’t know how to begin,’ she said, ‘but I am not your mother’s sister.’
‘You’re not my mother’s sister? Who on earth are you then?’
‘I am your great-aunt. And Cameo was your nana.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. I thought Nana Pearl was my nana – wasn’t she?’
‘No, I thought she was, but no. You see, Pearl was not your mother’s mother as we have always thought,’ she continued. ‘She was actually her grand-nana. Your real nana was my sister Cameo and Cameo was your mother’s mother.’
‘But my mother was definitely my mother?’ I said, finding it hard to follow.
‘Yes, yes your mother was definitely your mother . . . Look, when my father died, your mother came to help me sort out his things and we had a bonfire to burn down his papers. It was while we were doing this that your mother found her birth certificate.’
‘And it said that Cameo was my mother’s mother and not my Nana Pearl?’
‘That’s right,’ said Aunt Coral. ‘It was a terrible shock’.
‘You didn’t know?’
‘We didn’t know, and Buddleia was naturally very upset.’
She continued, now unprompted, with a random confusion of memories.
‘Of course, looking back there were lots of things that didn’t make sense, but it happened just after the war you see, and you were just so glad to be alive then, you didn’t ask too many questions, especially if you had no reason not to believe what you’d been told.’
I looked out the window at a stray star which had forgotten itself in the daylight; it had an attitude of faint amusement at what it saw as a pin-prick story.
‘But if Cameo was my mother’s mother, then who was my mother’s father?’
‘His name was Major Jack Laine,’ said Aunt Coral, as though she’d just said his name was dog poo. ‘He abandoned Cameo and the baby.’
She put on her close-work glasses and unfolded the birth certificate for me, trying to be reassuring, but her gaze was anything but. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t know,’ she said.
‘You mean you didn’t notice that your mother wasn’t pregnant with my mother, and that Cameo was ?’ I said.
‘I was away at college; I wasn’t around to actually see .’
‘You didn’t go home for nine months?’
‘No, I did —’ She hesitated, as though someone had pressed her pause button, but I think it was only because she couldn’t believe it herself.
‘You see Nana Pearl had three miscarriages after having Cameo, so Buddleia seemed like a miracle because we thought she couldn’t have any more. And that winter was the coldest I can remember, everyone was very wrapped up. I only made it home once – there were no trains because there was no coal. I was told that Mother hadn’t known that she was pregnant. She was also prone to be stout. And then of course after Buddleia was born, she took her away to Australia. I didn’t quite understand why at the time, but now I think she was taking Buddleia away from the curiosity of the neighbours.’
I already knew that Grand Nana Pearl had left England after the war, taking mum ‘on a sabbatical’ to the Bush, and found she preferred a tea chest, billy can and camp fire to a dining room, chair and fine china.
‘But why did they pretend? It just
‘Why?’ I said, because really I’d have preferred to return to convalessing.
‘We need to have a chat. I keep trying to find a moment,’ she said.
‘Of course,’ I said, ‘sorry.’
‘Sue, there’s something I want to tell you. I don’t want you to hear this from anybody else. I want you to hear this from me. I don’t know if your mother told you …’ She was unable to continue for a moment. She laid down the papers, one of which I could see she had written up with a few helpful prompts.
‘This will be a bit of a shock and I haven’t been sure how to tell you. I haven’t been sure if your mother told you before she died …’
‘What? Told me what?’ I said.
‘I don’t know how to begin,’ she said, ‘but I am not your mother’s sister.’
‘You’re not my mother’s sister? Who on earth are you then?’
‘I am your great-aunt. And Cameo was your nana.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. I thought Nana Pearl was my nana – wasn’t she?’
‘No, I thought she was, but no. You see, Pearl was not your mother’s mother as we have always thought,’ she continued. ‘She was actually her grand-nana. Your real nana was my sister Cameo and Cameo was your mother’s mother.’
‘But my mother was definitely my mother?’ I said, finding it hard to follow.
‘Yes, yes your mother was definitely your mother . . . Look, when my father died, your mother came to help me sort out his things and we had a bonfire to burn down his papers. It was while we were doing this that your mother found her birth certificate.’
‘And it said that Cameo was my mother’s mother and not my Nana Pearl?’
‘That’s right,’ said Aunt Coral. ‘It was a terrible shock’.
‘You didn’t know?’
‘We didn’t know, and Buddleia was naturally very upset.’
She continued, now unprompted, with a random confusion of memories.
‘Of course, looking back there were lots of things that didn’t make sense, but it happened just after the war you see, and you were just so glad to be alive then, you didn’t ask too many questions, especially if you had no reason not to believe what you’d been told.’
I looked out the window at a stray star which had forgotten itself in the daylight; it had an attitude of faint amusement at what it saw as a pin-prick story.
‘But if Cameo was my mother’s mother, then who was my mother’s father?’
‘His name was Major Jack Laine,’ said Aunt Coral, as though she’d just said his name was dog poo. ‘He abandoned Cameo and the baby.’
She put on her close-work glasses and unfolded the birth certificate for me, trying to be reassuring, but her gaze was anything but. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t know,’ she said.
‘You mean you didn’t notice that your mother wasn’t pregnant with my mother, and that Cameo was ?’ I said.
‘I was away at college; I wasn’t around to actually see .’
‘You didn’t go home for nine months?’
‘No, I did —’ She hesitated, as though someone had pressed her pause button, but I think it was only because she couldn’t believe it herself.
‘You see Nana Pearl had three miscarriages after having Cameo, so Buddleia seemed like a miracle because we thought she couldn’t have any more. And that winter was the coldest I can remember, everyone was very wrapped up. I only made it home once – there were no trains because there was no coal. I was told that Mother hadn’t known that she was pregnant. She was also prone to be stout. And then of course after Buddleia was born, she took her away to Australia. I didn’t quite understand why at the time, but now I think she was taking Buddleia away from the curiosity of the neighbours.’
I already knew that Grand Nana Pearl had left England after the war, taking mum ‘on a sabbatical’ to the Bush, and found she preferred a tea chest, billy can and camp fire to a dining room, chair and fine china.
‘But why did they pretend? It just
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