scratchy voice, her crying voice.
I roll my neck against the mounting tension. If that asshole hit her again… “What the hell is going on? What did Hoss do?”
Nevada is only one state over, but it might as well be the moon. Hoss, her main man, as she pukingly refers to him, doesn’t take kindly to me or Mimsy. Mostly because we think stockpiling weapons and taking part in top-secret vigilante militias are ideas that fall somewhere between bad and worse. Then there was the night Mom worked late and he came over—
Don’t go there. I swallow hard. The memory from that night is locked and dead bolted, never to be opened.
I haven’t see Delilah for seven years, not since the time she hitchhiked back to Santa Cruz and lived in what’s now my studio for two weeks while Mimsy paid for emergency dental surgery. She’d lost her two front teeth. No. Scratch that. Losing is a bad word. Her piece-of-shit husband pounded them from her skull while she was eight months pregnant.
And then? She went back to him, left in the night without a word. “Your brothers’ birthday is in a few days.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She sniffles. “Would you like to come have a party? We’re busy tomorrow, but if you can make it the day after…who knows? It might be fun.”
“Me?” My peanut-butter oatmeal snack turns to cement in my stomach. Hoss hates the sight of me. The feeling is more than mutual.
“Hoss is…away, and the boys want to meet you.”
What can I say? This is my first chance to see my brothers. Get a sense of their situation.
“Yes.” The word hangs in front of me, black and irrevocable. “Yes. I will. I miss you.” I don’t though. I’m so used to the fact she chose Hoss over me, the hurt is like a faded bruise, barely hurts to press. “Hoss is away? That means—”
“Jail.”
Evening has turned to night. It’s cloudy after the rain, can’t see if the moon’s full, waxing, or waning. “What’s happened this time?”
“Usual crap. The police are out to get him.”
I’m not going to hold Mom’s feet to the fire on this. Whatever stupid thing Hoss’s done, it’s not my deal. He’s gone, and this is my best chance to get my brothers in my life.
“Yes, well, looking forward to coming out.” I force good cheer. She named me after the epitome of happiness, right? I’ve always tried to be upbeat, live up to my namesake, and you know what? I’ve done a damn good job.
I hang up. The craziness that happened between Tanner and me inside my studio is well and truly over. I want to get on the road tonight. I have ample time to travel to get to their place in remote Nevada, but restless energy courses through me. Better to find a way to channel it before I get washed away. I’ll hit the road, drive east then south, and take my time through the mountains.
I tilt my face toward the sky. Normally I don’t mind the fog, but why can’t there be at least one visible star? I could really use a little light.
Sunny
I don’t know how long I shiver outside, barefoot on the dew-wet grass. There’s a long period of indifferent chill followed by a sudden warming, as two big hands brace my bare arms.
“You’re cold,” Tanner says.
I manage a single nod, refusing to lean into the warmth of his touch. I opened our Pandora’s box against all better judgment. We stand without speaking, me staring into the darkness and his fingers making soft circles on my skin. The same fingers that pressed me until I came like a freight train. Good thing he can’t see my blush. I need to watch my ass around him, literally. Otherwise I’m liable to shake it, and we’ll do something stupid like go at each other again.
And that’s not going to lead anywhere good. Whenever Mimsy bakes chocolate macaroons, I tell myself “just a bite,” but an hour later the whole tray is gone. When I’m around something I want, I get greedy. I can’t stop craving more. It’s part of my makeup. But Tanner and I can’t be a thing, not
I roll my neck against the mounting tension. If that asshole hit her again… “What the hell is going on? What did Hoss do?”
Nevada is only one state over, but it might as well be the moon. Hoss, her main man, as she pukingly refers to him, doesn’t take kindly to me or Mimsy. Mostly because we think stockpiling weapons and taking part in top-secret vigilante militias are ideas that fall somewhere between bad and worse. Then there was the night Mom worked late and he came over—
Don’t go there. I swallow hard. The memory from that night is locked and dead bolted, never to be opened.
I haven’t see Delilah for seven years, not since the time she hitchhiked back to Santa Cruz and lived in what’s now my studio for two weeks while Mimsy paid for emergency dental surgery. She’d lost her two front teeth. No. Scratch that. Losing is a bad word. Her piece-of-shit husband pounded them from her skull while she was eight months pregnant.
And then? She went back to him, left in the night without a word. “Your brothers’ birthday is in a few days.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She sniffles. “Would you like to come have a party? We’re busy tomorrow, but if you can make it the day after…who knows? It might be fun.”
“Me?” My peanut-butter oatmeal snack turns to cement in my stomach. Hoss hates the sight of me. The feeling is more than mutual.
“Hoss is…away, and the boys want to meet you.”
What can I say? This is my first chance to see my brothers. Get a sense of their situation.
“Yes.” The word hangs in front of me, black and irrevocable. “Yes. I will. I miss you.” I don’t though. I’m so used to the fact she chose Hoss over me, the hurt is like a faded bruise, barely hurts to press. “Hoss is away? That means—”
“Jail.”
Evening has turned to night. It’s cloudy after the rain, can’t see if the moon’s full, waxing, or waning. “What’s happened this time?”
“Usual crap. The police are out to get him.”
I’m not going to hold Mom’s feet to the fire on this. Whatever stupid thing Hoss’s done, it’s not my deal. He’s gone, and this is my best chance to get my brothers in my life.
“Yes, well, looking forward to coming out.” I force good cheer. She named me after the epitome of happiness, right? I’ve always tried to be upbeat, live up to my namesake, and you know what? I’ve done a damn good job.
I hang up. The craziness that happened between Tanner and me inside my studio is well and truly over. I want to get on the road tonight. I have ample time to travel to get to their place in remote Nevada, but restless energy courses through me. Better to find a way to channel it before I get washed away. I’ll hit the road, drive east then south, and take my time through the mountains.
I tilt my face toward the sky. Normally I don’t mind the fog, but why can’t there be at least one visible star? I could really use a little light.
Sunny
I don’t know how long I shiver outside, barefoot on the dew-wet grass. There’s a long period of indifferent chill followed by a sudden warming, as two big hands brace my bare arms.
“You’re cold,” Tanner says.
I manage a single nod, refusing to lean into the warmth of his touch. I opened our Pandora’s box against all better judgment. We stand without speaking, me staring into the darkness and his fingers making soft circles on my skin. The same fingers that pressed me until I came like a freight train. Good thing he can’t see my blush. I need to watch my ass around him, literally. Otherwise I’m liable to shake it, and we’ll do something stupid like go at each other again.
And that’s not going to lead anywhere good. Whenever Mimsy bakes chocolate macaroons, I tell myself “just a bite,” but an hour later the whole tray is gone. When I’m around something I want, I get greedy. I can’t stop craving more. It’s part of my makeup. But Tanner and I can’t be a thing, not
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