Checkered Crime: A Laurel London Mystery by tonya kappes Page B

all sorts of great items that we’d take back to the orphanage and wear.
    “Whoa. Where’s who?” I continued past the creamery. My sudden appetite for the raspberry chocolate chunk went south. I had to tell Trixie about my bad fortune of being fired.
    “The stranger.” Trixie jabbed her pointy finger on my shoulder. I grimaced in pain. “I’ll chop off his penis!”
    “Listen, I’m not doing anything illegal.” It was time to come clean. I didn’t want anyone’s body parts being chopped off. “Shouldn’t you be home watching ‘Judge Judy’?” I asked buying time.
    I pulled over into the Dollar Store parking lot. I knew when I told her about me losing my job, she was not going to be happy.
    “Don’t change the subject.” She looked out the window, craning her neck to see where we were. “I don’t need laundry powder. Why are we at the Dollar Store?”
    Growing up with Trixie and in the orphanage, you quickly learned how to get the best deals and how to stretch your dollar. The Dollar Store on Fifth Street had the best prices on laundry powder. Fiddle and Sons Meats had the best meat and potato salad. Dealing with them was an adventure I could do without.
    Fiddle and Sons was next to Porty Morty’s. They served lunch and it was convenient when I was at work. On most days, Morty would send me over to get him a hot ham and cheese for lunch. The sons of Fiddle and Sons were twins, Adam and Alex, and they are my age. Gia and I aptly named them Fiddle Dee and Fiddle Dum. They were on my bowling team so I had the pleasure of seeing them on a weekly basis.
    “I have to tell you something and I don’t want to be driving when I tell you.” I put the car in park and turned slightly toward her in my seat.
    “Oh no. I’ve got a chill just waiting for you to tell me you’ve been renting a room over at the Windmill for the nasty men to visit. Wait until I get my hands on Louie Pelfrey for giving you a room!” She balled her fists up.
    “Oh my God!” My frustration level was peeking. “I’m not a prostitute and I’m not driving around strange men.”
    “Morty is going to have to give your other car back or else,” Trixie warned.
    “That’s what I have to tell you.” I reached over and grabbed her hand. “Morty fired me a few days ago and I’m currently working on getting the job back.”
    “What?” Trixie mouth flew open.
    “He said something about downsizing. But Carmine didn’t know anything about it.” I spewed like a volcano. “I didn’t do anything to get fired. Scout’s honor.” I put my hand in the air after I used my finger to cross my heart. “In fact the stranger Mr. Chiconi saw with me is in town for the big event I had been working on for over a year. He needed a ride from the Airport Hotel because he got in late and spent the night there. He is going to spend the rest of his trip in town so staying at the Windmill made much more sense for him.”
    Trixie put her knife in the glove box, slammed it closed, and then crossed her arms. I could see a twinge of disappointment on her face. She adjusted her tin foil hat.
    “I bet they are coming.” She tapped the homemade hat. “Strange things are happening and I have to take care of you.”
    “You take great care of me.” I reached over and squeezed her hand.
    “Who is coming?” I asked, questioning the deer-in-the-headlights look in her eyes.
    “I saw it on the SyFy channel.” She nodded, as sure as shit she was right. “The aliens are coming because everyone is going crazy around this town.”
    “Aliens?” My eyes narrowed.
    “Yes. That documentary said that if you put tin foil on your head, they can’t zap into your brain.” Crinkle, crinkle. The hat made sounds as she smoothed her hand over it to mold better to her head. “I bet they got to Morty. Thank God I made you one before I left home because I knew if you were prostituting, they had gotten you too.” She dug deep in her pink bag and pulled out another tin