that Jess gave him when she upgraded to CDs is in the tape deck of the car, so he pushes play and turns it down to a low volume, careful not to wake Sam. It’s Crosby, Stills, and Nash: his daughter’s driving track of choice. This reminds him of the moral grey area he’s currently occupying, having misled Jess about the reason for the sleepover, so he quickly turns the tape off again. Edward has never been an impulsive man, nor has he ever been a brave one. He tries to imagine how he would describe himself, but all he can think of are negatives – the kind of person he is not. Not charismatic. Not outgoing. Not cherished, not truly, or at least not anymore. He lets out a slow breath.
They pass three separate prairie towns and several gas stations, and finally, at seven p.m. Edward pulls over. The lights will be more spectacular in an hour or two, but he likes to arrive at his chosen spot early to hear them grow louder as the sky darkens. He gets out of the car to stretch his legs. He paces along the ditch by the side of the road and unzips his pants to pee into it. He walks back to the car and looks through the window at Sam, who is now curled up in the seat with his feet tucked up underneath him. He understands now why Jess wouldn’t want to wake him. Eventually, Edward opens the trunk and removes the ninja clothes. He unfolds them carefully, then opens the passenger-side door and laysthe heroic outfit over Sam, tucking his grandson in. Edward opens the trunk again and gets out his notebook and his frequency meter. Then he sets up his lawn chair in his usual spot by the side of the road, and prepares himself to listen, as always, alone.
W ELL, HELLO THERE! Y OU ’ RE JUST IN TIME TO join us. Don’t be shy, there’s plenty of room on the tour. I was just about to say that the world was never small in the way that Jemima Hendricks wanted it to be. No matter how long she spent super-gluing exquisite bows onto miniature hairlines, or embroidering tea towels the size of hamsters’ toes, there was no potion that could make the world shrink, Alice-in-Wonderland style, to the size she had in mind. Still, you wouldn’t think that figurines no more than a third of an inch tall could ever take up much space, but even the smallest things become clutter when there are too many of them.
That’s my interpretation, anyway, of how the Hendricks Memorial Miniatures Museum came to be. My name is Amy and I’ll be taking you through Miniatureland today. That’s what we call it around here because the whole memorial thing is such a mouthful. I hope you’ll feel cordially welcomed at our establishment, which has been voted the top tourist attraction here in Dithers for five years running by
Tip Top Tourists
magazine. That’s a province-wide publication, so the award is truly an honour.
As your guide, I feel it’s important that you all get to knowJemima. A lot of tourists come through here without ever learning a thing. Those are the people who make the regrettable decision to decline this tour – or to go with one of the less qualified guides here, but don’t tell anyone else I said that. I don’t mean to be catty but honestly, you met Cody at the front desk on your way in, right? Just look at him out there now: standing by the door, smoking a substance that I suspect from the particular cock of his wrist is not a cigarette. Paragon of emotional maturity, he is not! I hope you weren’t turned off by that first impression. But I shouldn’t be so hard on him: I wouldn’t choose to be a teenager again for all the money in the world, would you?
Our wander through the wonderful world of the tiny will take about sixty minutes, but you can stay afterwards and look around all day if you want. The ticket price includes unlimited entry. The tour shunners don’t take advantage of the full-day policy. No, they prefer to breeze by the fairy-tale castles and the battleships and the model railway, pose like amateur catalogue models
They pass three separate prairie towns and several gas stations, and finally, at seven p.m. Edward pulls over. The lights will be more spectacular in an hour or two, but he likes to arrive at his chosen spot early to hear them grow louder as the sky darkens. He gets out of the car to stretch his legs. He paces along the ditch by the side of the road and unzips his pants to pee into it. He walks back to the car and looks through the window at Sam, who is now curled up in the seat with his feet tucked up underneath him. He understands now why Jess wouldn’t want to wake him. Eventually, Edward opens the trunk and removes the ninja clothes. He unfolds them carefully, then opens the passenger-side door and laysthe heroic outfit over Sam, tucking his grandson in. Edward opens the trunk again and gets out his notebook and his frequency meter. Then he sets up his lawn chair in his usual spot by the side of the road, and prepares himself to listen, as always, alone.
W ELL, HELLO THERE! Y OU ’ RE JUST IN TIME TO join us. Don’t be shy, there’s plenty of room on the tour. I was just about to say that the world was never small in the way that Jemima Hendricks wanted it to be. No matter how long she spent super-gluing exquisite bows onto miniature hairlines, or embroidering tea towels the size of hamsters’ toes, there was no potion that could make the world shrink, Alice-in-Wonderland style, to the size she had in mind. Still, you wouldn’t think that figurines no more than a third of an inch tall could ever take up much space, but even the smallest things become clutter when there are too many of them.
That’s my interpretation, anyway, of how the Hendricks Memorial Miniatures Museum came to be. My name is Amy and I’ll be taking you through Miniatureland today. That’s what we call it around here because the whole memorial thing is such a mouthful. I hope you’ll feel cordially welcomed at our establishment, which has been voted the top tourist attraction here in Dithers for five years running by
Tip Top Tourists
magazine. That’s a province-wide publication, so the award is truly an honour.
As your guide, I feel it’s important that you all get to knowJemima. A lot of tourists come through here without ever learning a thing. Those are the people who make the regrettable decision to decline this tour – or to go with one of the less qualified guides here, but don’t tell anyone else I said that. I don’t mean to be catty but honestly, you met Cody at the front desk on your way in, right? Just look at him out there now: standing by the door, smoking a substance that I suspect from the particular cock of his wrist is not a cigarette. Paragon of emotional maturity, he is not! I hope you weren’t turned off by that first impression. But I shouldn’t be so hard on him: I wouldn’t choose to be a teenager again for all the money in the world, would you?
Our wander through the wonderful world of the tiny will take about sixty minutes, but you can stay afterwards and look around all day if you want. The ticket price includes unlimited entry. The tour shunners don’t take advantage of the full-day policy. No, they prefer to breeze by the fairy-tale castles and the battleships and the model railway, pose like amateur catalogue models
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